“Actually,” he interjected with a beaming smile for Lily’s mother. “I was wondering if I might escort Lily outside to the veranda for some fresh air before she retires.”
Her mother’s brows shot up, her lips parting with surprise.
Lily, on the other hand, was staring daggers into the side of his face as she turned toward him. “What?” she hissed.
He ignored her, focusing on her mother instead. “I think some cool air might be good for her health.” He arched his brows meaningfully and watched as the older woman’s gaze softened with affection. “How thoughtful you are, Lord Merrick. You always were so good to my Lily.”
His smile felt more natural as he thought back to their youth, when he’d helped Lily get into one scrape after another. Either her mother had a faulty memory or her newfound lenience toward Lily extended to him as well.
“So you would not mind then?” he asked.
“I would mind,” Lily muttered beside him.
Both he and her mother ignored her.
“Of course not.” She came to stand, setting down her cards with a wink. “I was losing here anyhow.”
And that was how he found himself escorting Lily around the lantern-lit grounds along with several other young couples looking for a moment of peace to converse.
He spotted the duke and Daisy in a shadowed corner and steered Lily in the opposite direction.
The last thing he needed was for Lily to dash off to her friends for assistance in avoiding him.
“What do you think you are doing?” Lily demanded the moment her mother fell behind to act as chaperone from a respectable distance.
“Finishing what we started,” he said.
Her head snapped up and her gaze met his. Anger was there, certainly. She’d never been one to enjoy being strong-armed into anything, even if it was just a stroll. But there were also other emotions there, and they tugged at his gut. Wariness. Vulnerability…
Fear.
He stopped walking to face her. “Tell me what happened between us. What did I do that was so wrong?”
A muscle in her jaw twitched, the only giveaway to her discomfort. “You changed,” she finally bit out.
He sighed loudly. How many times had they been over this? Too many. He gave his head a little shake. “I had time to think about what I was doing to my family by not falling in line,” he said. “You know how much my parents worship my brother and it’s only natural that they would want me to be more like him.”
Her brows shot up. “Unbearably conceited and shamelessly manipulative?”
He narrowed his eyes. His brother had his faults, but he’d never heard anyone else speak of him like that.
“You were always a better man than he ever was—”
“Try telling that to my parents.” The words tumbled out before he could stop them and the flash of sympathy in her eyes made him groan. He ran a hand over his face. “We are getting off topic. I’m not here to discuss my family—”
“Maybe we ought to be discussing them if they are the reason you decided to alter your entire personality just to make everyone like you.”
He flinched at the barbed tone as much as the words. “I haven’t changed entirely,” he said, his voice stiff as he moved closer to her, shifting them closer to the shadows and further out of her mother’s earshot. “I am still the Merrick you know.”
“The Merrick I knew would never have—” Her mouth clamped shut as her eyes darkened with frustration. “Forget it. You might say you grew up, but I say you gave in. You left as my wild and reckless friend and you returned just another one of Abigail’s sycophants.”
She started to turn away from him, but not before he caught a flash of hurt that left him reeling.
Abigail. It always came back to Abigail, but he had a feeling he was missing something crucial.
Frustration had his hands clenching at his sides. “What does Abigail have to do with any of this? You were her friend. My parents thought it would be a good match and I thought you would too.”
She whipped around, fire in her eyes. “You chose her.”
He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “You keep saying things like that. Like my courting her somehow meant I’d betrayed you—”
His gaze narrowed on her as he remembered what she’d said earlier. About the way Abigail had treated her. “Lily, I did not know that Abigail was mistreating you. You never told me.”
That last part came out as an accusation, and he felt a surge of anger as he said it. He’d come home so determined to be the gentleman his parents wanted him to be. To live up to the sort of man his brother had become. To stop disappointing them and start proving that he could be the son they’d always wanted.
He’d thought that with her debut season, Lily would feel the same. That it was time to give up their childish pranks and silly pastimes and get serious about finding good matches and creating families and homes of their own.
He’d thought they would do it together. And instead, everything had fallen apart.
Her eyes glinted dangerously in the dark, but whether it was from anger or unshed tears it was impossible to say. Either way, the look in her eyes tore his chest in two.
Betrayal. It was there for him to see, that sense of hurt and betrayal.
“I never chose her over you,” he said softly, a note of pleading in his voice. “I did not know that she was being so cruel to you.”
She scoffed under her breath, but he caught a hint of hope in her eyes and he clung to it. He reached for her, forgetting about her mother’s watchful gaze or the other couples nearby. He held her by her arms until she lifted her chin to meet his gaze.
“I never meant to choose her over you. I never meant to make you feel as though I was not your ally. I never—”
“I heard you.”
Her quiet cold tone cut him off like a knife. “What?”
She sniffed. “I heard you talking to her. She was saying how pitiful I was, what a scandal I would become, what a wallflower I was destined to be…”
Her words came out quickly, tumbling out of her mouth in one long stream. He tried to keep up, his memory calling up conversations with Abigail. It was true that from the moment he’d returned to London she’d been whispering in his ear about how he ought to fear for Lily’s reputation. How she was hurting her own chances, and how she’d mar his reputation merely by being his friend.
“She basically asked you to cut me off and you agreed.” Lily’s voice was outright shaking as she finished, tugging away from him but his grip tightened.
The memories were back in full and a dawning understanding left him gaping. Abigail had been hinting that he should leave her behind. Cut off their friendship for the sake of their relationship and for his family’s good opinion and….
“I had no intention of abandoning you.” It came out louder than intended and he softened his voice as her eyes grew wide. “Lily, I would never have just...walked away from our friendship.”
“But you said—”
“She’d badgered me regularly. I would say things like, I know…so you’ve told me.”
Lily gasped, covering her mouth with her hands. She finally dropped them. “But you didn’t agree with her?”