The laughter that left me sounded hysterical.
‘You forgot about the gambling addiction, my anxieties, oh and the fact that I’m in therapy and until you stepped in, I was up to my ears in debt with my life at risk.’
‘I didn’t forget those things. They don’t define you… your goodness and your heart define you. Those things will one day just be a part of your past that you learnt and moved forward from. You need to understand that the reason I could save you from that world is because I’m part of it… a big fucking part of it.’
His hold over me hadn’t relaxed at all and strangely, although I knew he was trying to push me away once again with his words, his hold over me and the way he looked at me was saying the exact opposite.
‘Explain exactly why you felt the need to help me?’
‘I was paying back a debt of honour to your brother.’
‘A debt of honour? You do know we don’t belong to your “family” don’t you?’
‘It was an unspoken debt that I wanted to repay.’ I noticed how the previous threads of gold that had been evident in his eyes had disbursed.
‘You stepped in before and helped me, surely that would have sufficed?’
I watched as Nico bit into his bottom lip and then rolled his head back as he stared up at the night sky. Exasperation was falling off him in waves. I could feel the fight he was having inside himself.
‘The truth is, Bee, I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and I’ve wanted you for years…’
‘And now you’re taking the mickey out of me.’ I sighed, upset by his words.
‘Look at me!’ Nico demanded as his eyes came back down to find mine. ‘Do I look like the sort of man who would tell you anything that wasn’t true?’ Initially I didn’t speak, but instead searched his soul with my own.
‘No, you don’t… But you’ve just said you’ve wanted me for years? I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t you have said something, or done something about it before?’
His head dipped further forward and he kissed the top of my head as he exhaled. I felt the warmth of his breath on my face and the heat of his arms wrapped around me. But as his words began to sink in, my body was beginning to shiver, and it wasn’t the air temperature that was causing it.
‘Because of the life I lead… I can’t have you. Because I won’t allow myself to have you… I refuse to destroy you like my father destroyed my mother.’
‘You couldn’t.’
‘Yes, I could… and so very easily…’ His words were forced out from between his teeth, showing me just how much he hated admitting the words to me.
I shook my head at him. There was no way I believed all of what he was saying. I’d heard stories about what a depraved, deranged asshole his father was from Pearl and many others. I truly didn’t believe, as Nico held me tightly in his arms, that he was anything like the man who had sired him. Since he’d been in charge of his family’s business I knew that most of it had been legalised. I had heard how he had been working hard at rectifying the many things his father had destroyed with his lust for destruction, death and bloodletting. His father, so the stories told, couldn’t get enough of inflicting pain, violence and even death on others. It was as if within his obvious mania he thought he could cleanse himself by bloodletting, he was a truly evil character that even a movie wouldn’t be able to do justice to.
‘Bee, my heart is black, my soul already belongs to the devil one hundred times over and unlike you, I will never be able to look back at my past thinking it defined me and that I moved on, because I know I can never move on and walk away. I’m the exact image of my father at the same age and he recognised that within me from when I was a child. He created the monster that resides in me today as a way of punishing me for being younger and stronger. I can’t step away from that, it will always be there just bubbling under the surface no matter how hard I try to disguise it.’
‘I can make a guess at some of the things you’ve had to do, Nico. I live in Vegas for Christ’s sake. But I refuse to accept that you’re that man deep down inside… Do you understand me, Nico Morello? I point blank refuse.’
‘Then, mio angelo, if you want me, despite what I’ve just told you… you need to possess me before I possess you.’ The tone of his voice had changed again, with his Italian accent becoming more pronounced. The dark, deadly, arrogant man who resided in Vegas had returned to bait me, to put me off.
But although his words scared me a little, I wasn’t put off at all. Maybe he’d been able to push everyone away before, but that wasn’t happening with me.
The sky, for a more dramatic effect, chose that very moment to allow the sun to completely disappear and the beach around us was plunged into darkness. I took the one opportunity I thought I might ever have and lifted my arms up the small amount his tight hold on me allowed. I grabbed at either side of his face and feeling his stubble beneath my fingertips, I pulled his mouth down to mine. I wanted him to kiss me because he wanted to and not because we were acting out our roles in front of others.
His head came down and his full lips touched mine. He momentarily stilled as if he couldn’t quite trust himself with what I was demanding of him. I drew back a couple of millimetres and then made our flesh connect again. I repeated this a couple of times still with my hands holding onto his face as I coerced and attempted to persuade this man into returning my embrace. It was a gentle kiss of acceptance from me because I now knew a little about how Nico saw himself, but I wasn’t having any of it.
It was a strange feeling for me to feel like the stronger of the two in any relationship, but down here on the private beach, concealed by the night sky and after hearing him open up to me however briefly, I did. Knowing there was no way it would last for long because of the type of man he was, I held onto his face and with my lips on his I demanded he let me in.
Please kiss me back.
Running the tip of my tongue over his full, but still closed mouth, caused him to open his lips a miniscule amount to inhale and knowing I was affecting him I seized my opportunity. Standing up quickly onto my tiptoes, I simultaneously relaxed my hold on his jawline and pushed our mouths closer together. My tongue swept into his mouth and began to caress his.
I knew it wasn’t audible, but I could have sworn I heard the moment he decided that he couldn’t hold back any longer. His hold on me changed with one arm leaving my back. He placed his hand onto the back of my head and then threaded his fingers into my perfectly dressed hair. In the position of control that afforded him he pulled me further into his hard body and took over the kiss I had initially instigated.
He took control of me, like he controlled every aspect of his life. But I knew as his mouth consumed mine that this was also so very much more. Nico wasn’t a man who let go of his perfectly ordered life easily, let alone allowed people inside the darkest part of his mind. He had given me access to something that could be undoubtedly used against him or the only two members of his family he had left. He had let me in, and I had absolutely no intention of leaving.
Our tongues teased and tangled around each other’s in our bid to show each other how much we needed the connection. The kiss set light to the touch paper of our souls. I needed so very much more and feeling his erection pushing into my stomach as it demanded more, I knew he did too. Finally, my arms felt free enough to move and I lifted them up and flung them around his neck.