I released a small cry of pain as Nico relaxed his hold on me, but my heart rejoiced once again as he fell to his knees and after taking both of my hips into his hands, he placed his mouth on my stomach and spoke again.
‘You are very much wanted, little star… I don’t know who ever thought I’d make a good daddy, but I will, I promise.’
I ran my fingers through his hair and slowly his gaze came back up to mine.
‘Let it be me, Bee,’ he begged with his dark brown eyes filling with tears.
‘It’s always been you, Nico… Even before I even knew you. It seems we were written to be together in the dark canopy of the night sky. Unknowingly, we each sent out a beacon looking for love and hope. Now, together we will hang our stars on that dark canvas, and they will shine forever.’
Epilogue
Bee (two weeks later)
Lying beside the pool had to be one of my favourite places. The feel of the sun on my bare legs and the relaxing sound of the sea as it washed over the shore beneath us, relaxed me to the point of falling asleep. I knew I had at least another hour until Nico emerged from his office, so I placed my earbuds into my ears and set my music on shuffle.
Music blared out from the kitchen and I knew that Mom had turned it up again. I opened my eyes and looked at the houses on either side of us. Any minute now they would start to close some of their windows, as they always did when Mom played her music loudly.
I loved music, I loved that it made her happy, it meant Brody and I could be happy as well.
I didn’t care that no one liked my mom, not really, anyway. She was my mom and I loved her, especially on days like today. When she was singing and dancing, it made me happy. I felt all warm inside and my heart skipped with happiness.
I heard a window slam, like I knew it would, and I closed one of my eyes to go back to my cloud watching. Copying my big brother, Brody, I put my curled fists together, one on top of the other, to make a telescope shape and I looked up again. Together with him we blanked out the shouts being aimed at our garden and went back into our make-believe world.
It was safe there.
‘Look, Brody. That one there looks like a white, fluffy princess.’ I used my small elbow to jab him in the ribs. He rubbed at his side and followed my pointing finger.
‘It does, Sissy,’ he agreed.
He turned his head to look at me and grinned. Feeling pleased with myself I smiled back at him. I poked my tongue through the small gap where I’d recently lost my baby tooth and worried with the hole it had left behind.
The tooth fairy hadn’t come for me. I’d lost it at school after my tooth had come out in an apple I’d bitten into. But then I knew the tooth fairy never come for Brody either, although he said he didn’t care. When the kids at school had laughed at me when I’d said I hadn’t been left any money under my pillow, Brody had called them names and had got a bruise on his face where Harry had hit him. But Harry’s eye had looked worse after he’d hit him back. Brody didn’t know, but I was awake when he had placed a dime under my pillow that same night.
The adults at school didn’t like my mom and most days the children there didn’t like us either. Brody was big for his age, big enough to take care of us both and I knew he always would.
He had pinkie sworn that he would and I loved my protective big brother.
I watched him as he settled back further into the cushion of the long, uncut grass in our back yard and then he sighed as he bit into one of his favourite peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He pushed the jelly that was running down his chin back into his mouth with one finger. Then as his finger left his mouth, he made it pop specially to make me laugh and I giggled at the noise.
Dad would be back sometime today, and we were both looking forward to seeing him. I’d said my prayers every day he’d been away. I knew it would be better this time. My worried tummy turned over, and I placed my hand over it, feeling it between the buttons of my school dress. The dress was too small, and it now only came down to the tops of my legs. Another thing that the kids in school made fun of, at least they used to, until Brody hit them and then they’d stopped.
I knew that when my dad came home, it was going to be much better.
The two of us had prayed every night that it was going to be different this time.
‘Brody, come here and help me.’ Mom’s voice travelled over to the both of us and I instantly stopped daydreaming.
His head shot up from its soft, green pillow as he looked at my mom standing in the doorway. I watched as one of her feet suddenly stepped forward to stop herself from swaying and I wanted to be sick. I was scared, watching Mom. I reached out and grabbed hold of Brody’s hand.
‘I’m just coming, Mom.’ He jumped up quick, ran over to her and I watched as he took hold of her arm. He helped her out onto the grass where we had been sitting and made her sit down. I watched as he ran back inside to bring out the last of our picnic and to turn down the music.
‘Mom?’ I questioned as she fell back onto the grass beside me.
‘Fucking God!’ Inside I heard Brody swear and frightened, I started to cry, not out loud because I didn’t want anyone knowing how scared I was.
The prayers we’d both said since dad had been away seemed to have worked. Mom had been happier. Our clothes had been washed regularly and she’d cooked most nights. He was back today, and I knew from what had just happened my mom had taken her tablets. Praying was no use. No one was listening to us. I’d tried so hard to be good.
Couldn’t God see how me and Brody were hurting?
There wasn’t a God, just like there wasn’t a tooth fairy.
Mom was lying down on the grass next to me, singing along with the song she had left playing on the radio.
‘Mom, what do you want to eat?’ Brody asked her as he dropped the food down on the grass.
She didn’t answer him, the only words coming from her mouth were the words she was singing.
‘Please, Mom. Please eat,’ he begged as he lifted her head up off the grass.
Up and down our small road of military houses, we could hear doors slamming and excited voices.
‘Brody,’ I whispered. He looked at me just as I began to shiver, even though the sun was out in our yard.
We both knew what was coming next.
I heard our front door slam and scurried closer to Brody. He let go of our mom and cuddled me instead.
‘I’m home,’ came my dad’s cheerful voice.
He didn’t hurt us. Dad was a big man, but he wasn’t violent. But him and my mom together, they shouted and screamed at each other, and she hit him until he held her arms behind her back.
When she had taken her tablets, it was always this way. We knew they loved us, but deep down inside they were hurting us. I had no friends at school, and I stuttered my words when I wasn’t talking to Brody.
Living like this hurt so much and it never seemed to stop.
Sometimes, I had to go under my bed to drown out the sounds of them shouting and then of them kissing. We’d heard a neighbour down the road talking about our mom and dad and she’d said, “It’s like they can’t live with each other, but they can’t live without each other.” Brody had poked his tongue out at her, and we’d run off.
‘There you all are.’ His voice sounded happy, but I couldn’t turn my head to look at him, instead I hung it down.