Coward? The words he’d just spoken resonated around my head.
Still looking at the floor I saw his feet move as he made to stand up. I couldn’t work out if he was getting up to leave or if he was coming closer to where I stood. Strangely I didn’t want him to do either. I didn’t want his comfort, so didn’t want him any closer to where I was, but equally I knew I needed him to question me and the decision I’d made.
‘You need to understand this… YOU are not your father.’
I lifted up my gaze and biting down strongly I clenched my teeth together.
‘No, I’m not, but I AM my father’s son.’
He sighed at my reply.
‘No matter what actions I take, how many people I try to help to put right the pain he caused them… I will always be his son, his first born and the heir to this fucking throne of thorns.’
‘Sell it all. Move on, move to Crete for fucks sake. Have babies and grow fat with the woman you so obviously love.’
The laughter that fell out of my mouth wasn’t happy or light. It expressed the madness that I felt at his words. At what I would give to able to do just that.
‘Trip, you’ve been a good friend over the years and for that you’ll never know how grateful I am. But do you have any understanding of how “mafia” even works? I’ve let you in on parts of my life, but have you never seen the movies? They’re not far wrong, yeah they’re a little soft around the edges, but the basic concept of a decent mafia film is correct.’
‘Explain.’ I could see I was starting to get to him. Made more uncomfortable by my words than the gun I had waved about earlier in front of his face, he instinctively stood himself up as tall as his frame would allow, knowing he had an inch or two over me.
‘You don’t get to leave families like mine unless someone has your back or you’re lucky enough to die.’
‘It’s a fucking business, sell it.’
Feeling more in control to gain the upper hand over the conversation, I walked past where he was standing in amongst the more comfortable seating and made my way over to the large desk that used to be my grandfather’s. Turning, I placed my ass on the edge, sat down and crossed my feet at my ankles.
My eyes moved over the space between us.
‘For sale. One mafia business…’ I laughed at his suggestion.
‘You told me that most of the business is now legal,’ he shot back.
‘And it is. Yes, I could sell it… but it wouldn’t matter. I can’t sell who I am, the family I come from and that by fucking default I’m the head of. Do you know how many families would love to boast that they wiped out all of the Morellos? Selling up here and going somewhere else makes us look weak and a prime target for any up and coming asshat.’
A sigh of understanding left his mouth.
‘In order to protect my family, I have to stay right where I am and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Maybe one day it’ll be different…’
‘So, you stay here and live this to protect those you love…’ Our eyes found each other’s, and he nodded at me in recognition. ‘I take back the fact I called you a coward, Nic. I’m sorry for doing that, because I think I finally understand why this has to be your life.’ His eyes looked around my large office.
A few seconds of painful realisation filled up the room.
At last Trip started walking towards me. I stood up and welcomed him into my hold. Silence filled the room as for a short while we embraced, then after a couple of slaps on the back we released each other. He took one step backwards from me and started speaking again.
‘Nic, I still however believe that life is a balance. Bee knows where you come from, doesn’t she?’
I couldn’t answer, but nodded back at him in answer.
‘She’s stronger than you give her credit for. The two of you being together has made her strong. Can’t you at least let her make up her own mind?’
‘The things I’ve done… I’m too much like him, she doesn’t deserve to wake up one day and find she’s married to a man like my father.’
‘A man has to fight to find peace,’ he offered. ‘And that’s what you’ve been doing.’
‘Does he have to kill, too?’
His head moved very slightly from side to side as he thought over my question.
‘I think in some instances he does, yes. I know I would kill to protect Kendall and Bruce.’
Trip’s body twisted and his feet finally began to move towards the door.
‘Is she here, Trip?’ I asked the one thing I’d wanted to know since he’d arrived. But even before he answered I knew she was, because I could feel her close by.
‘She’s here,’ he replied with his back to me. ‘I’m just the first wave of attack,’ he added with a slight laugh. ‘But then I’m sure Raul would have given you that information the minute we landed.’
He was right, the bodyguard I’d assigned to Bee had told me that they’d flown in a couple of days ago. But then I wasn’t really asking that question, what I was asking in a roundabout way was whether he thought she would come to see me. I crossed my arms over my chest, not in a sulky, defensive way, but to try to trap in the feeling of excitement that she thought I was worthy of her.
I didn’t want to stamp all over her already broken heart, but I also couldn’t refuse her coming to see me. My heart rate had already accelerated and all because I knew that someday soon, I would lay eyes on her once again.
I heard the turn of the handle as Trip went to leave.
‘One more thing… this life changing moment is brought to you by Elvis and The Beatles.’
‘Elvis and The Beatles?’ I questioned, amused and relieved that the fraught atmosphere had lifted between us.
‘Yeah, both of them,’ he reiterated. ‘But it will be the one and only time… Elvis and The Beatles - I forgot to remember.’
He vacated my office without so much as a wave in my direction, leaving me with my head swimming with the lyrics of the song he’d just flung at me. He was right I couldn’t forget her, and I knew without a doubt Bee would always be on my mind and making me remember.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Bee
A contented ‘purrrr’ hit my ears. Followed closely by the rub of a furry face along my jawline. With my eyes still closed, I found his head with my fingertips and began to scratch behind the one fight-tattered ear that was available to me.
‘I missed you too, Tiger,’ I mumbled with a voice that still sounded like I was half asleep.
Right next to my face I could feel him turning around and around as he prepared himself to find the best possible spot to lie down in.
Suddenly, ginger fur was tickling the outside of my nostrils.
‘Oh no… move away you hairy beast.’ Quickly I moved my head back up on the pillow to separate the two of us. Then opening my eyes one by one, I took in the warm glow that filled my room as the sun began to set and settle behind the hills.
I miss you, Nic. With resignation I spoke inside my head the same words that were permanently on repeat. It was always the same, he was the first thing I thought of when I woke up and the last thing that floated around my head before my tired body eventually crashed into sleep. As always, the feelings inside of me made me feel sick with longing.