For a second Alix thought, If I said no, would you really stop dating him? But she shook her head violently and said, “Oh, a hundred percent!”
“Mira, look!” Briar reached her hand out from under the table. “Is dis my knuckles?”
“Kind of. Your knuckles are right there.”
Alix bent and kissed Briar’s cheeks. “You guys have so much fun!”
Emira slipped her jacket on, but she didn’t leave. Alix stood at the other end of the table and refreshed her Instagram for the third time in the last ten seconds. Emira kept standing. Alix finally looked up.
“Sorry . . .” Emira said. “Peter would just leave cash on the counter.”
Moments later, as Alix stood in the window and watched her sitter walk hand in hand with her firstborn child and thirty dollars in her pocket, she slipped her jacket over her back. She applied lipstick in the girls’ bathroom above the child-sized toothbrushes, toothpaste, and baby lotion. She pushed her hair in front of her shoulders, and then she walked out the front door with just her keys and her phone.
It was as if she’d taken a breath at the front stoop and landed herself on the snowy sidewalk, her gloves on and booties tapping beneath her. The last time she’d come from New York, Philadelphia all looked the same, but now she knew her way around. It was twelve sixteen p.m., just enough time to get there. She’d looked at Emira’s text messages enough to know where he worked and what time he went to lunch (Rittenhouse Square, twelve thirty p.m.).
There were several twenty- and thirty-somethings in button-downs and peacoats walking in groups and carrying brown to-go bags. The sidewalk was huge here in front of the colossal buildings, and Alix watched people pass as she leaned back against a fountain that was frozen over with ice and grime. For a moment she prepared herself to go inside the office and ask to speak with him right there. It would probably be one of those stupid modern offices with brightly painted walls and an open seating plan, and they wouldn’t get much privacy but she could make it happen. And maybe the shock of her presence, and the calmness she’d deploy, would be enough to let Kelley know that he’d been caught. But it wasn’t long before she saw him. He wasn’t exiting his place of work but coming toward it, and fast. Alix’s gut twisted inside her and she felt the urge to shield it in the same way she had when she was pregnant. Instead she straightened and stood. She kept her hands coolly in her pockets as she walked.
Kelley wore slate-colored pants, a black coat, and something adorably chambray underneath. He walked with two black men, also informally but expensively dressed, and Alix smirked, thinking, Oh, you’re good. If Kelley felt better about himself by surrounding himself with unknowing human beings, then fine. But he wasn’t going to do that with Emira.
Kelley and the men next to him were holding plastic containers with colorful build-your-own salads and forks inside. He finally noticed her, and for the second time that day, Alix felt as if she were the mother of teenagers. She watched him register her presence and slip into what looked like shameful shock. His entire body seemed to be saying, Mom, what are you doing here? I’m with my friends. Go home. He slowed his pace and Alix clipped toward him.
“Whoa. What are you—”
“I need to talk to you. Right now.”
The two men next to Kelley took a step back from her as if she were contagious.
Alix pointed to a building next door. “Let’s go in there.”
Inside a building lined with windows, there was a double escalator that led up to a hallway of shiny elevators, and to the side of it, a dozen tables and a café were set up on the lobby floor. The whole place glowed and echoed in blue. A ginormous and hideous Jeff Koons piece dangled from the ceiling, spewing holiday cheer over the white tile. Alix found an open seat for two, and Kelley pulled out the chair across from her. She took her gloves off finger by finger and told herself to breathe.
“What’s up, Alex?” Kelley sat down so carefully that it hurt, as if he were afraid to make any sudden movements. “How did you know where I worked?”
“Hi, guys!” A pixie-haired woman appeared next to their table. “So this is sparkling water and this one is flat. Your waiter will be here in a—”
“We aren’t staying, sorry,” Kelley stopped her.
She said, “Okay!” with the same inflection, but still placed the glasses on the table and left.
“You’re honestly asking why I’m here right now?” Alix’s stage presence kicked in and her voice came out smooth and smart. Inside, however, she was absolutely panicking. Had she really just decided to see Kelley and done so within twenty minutes? Maybe it had been a mistake, but she was here now, and he was waiting for her to continue. “I’m here because I’m concerned, Kelley,” she said. She enunciated the word concerned as if it were an idea he may or may not be familiar with.
“You’re concerned? Wow.” Kelley laughed. “I’d love to hear more about why you’re concerned.”
God, he was cute. Even when he was being a dick. Had he been this cute at Thanksgiving? There were tiny flecks of brilliant gray hair in places at his temples that she hadn’t noticed before. Alix swallowed and focused on the bubbly water in front of her. “I don’t think it’s fair of you to start dating my sitter and expect me to be quiet about it.”
“Alex, come on.” Kelley put his boxed salad on the table. “I don’t love that she’s working for you either. But the fact is that you and I dated more than a decade ago and she’s gotta make her own—”
“Oh God, this has nothing to do with us dating, so get over yourself.” The opportunity to say this to Kelley, to put air quotes on the word dating, with her hair blown out and her body six pounds from her pre-baby weight—Alix could practically taste it and the words were salty and warm. “Actually, I wish it had to do with you and I dating. You and I could have absolutely dated and broken up like normal people. That would have been great. But because you didn’t believe in the concept of privacy, and because you saw black athletes as your ticket to popularity, I can’t help but have an opinion on you filming Emira in a grocery store, and then deciding you should date her.”
Kelley looked at her as if he possibly smelled fire. “Alex, what are you saying right now?”
“I’m not finished.” Alix held up a flat hand in the air. “If you think I’m going to sit back while you try to look cool with someone who is like family to me, then you’re crazy.” Alix took a second to pause for effect. “If you’re still okay fetishizing black people like you did in high school, fine. Just don’t pull that shit with my sitter.”
Alix watched Kelley take this in. She was furious, but she couldn’t stop focusing on how attractive his face was when he was confused. How could she hate someone so much and also want him to think she was sexy? In this garish thing that was apparently a restaurant? At that moment, another waiter came by and dropped off menus. When he asked if they wanted to start with an appetizer, Kelley barked, “We’re not together,” and the waiter said, “Okaayy.”