Emira loved the ease in which she could lose herself in the rhythm of childcare. She didn’t have to worry about having interesting hobbies. The fact that she still slept on a twin bed meant nothing to Briar or any of their plans. Every day with Briar was a tiny victory that Emira didn’t want to give up. Seven o’clock was always a win. Here’s your kid. She’s happy and alive.
PART FOUR
Twenty-one
The moment Alix returned home from New York City she put Catherine down for a nap, set Briar up with the iPad, and quickly fucked her husband in the third-floor bathroom. Peter had his work clothes on and his face revealed a miraculous elation in the mirror as his belt buckle jingled across Alix’s hamstring. Alix had squeezed in a trim and blowout that morning in Manhattan before she boarded the train, and she liked watching her blond hair bounce as Peter plunged in from behind. They finished seconds before they heard Emira arrive and close the front door, which made Alix grin and hold her finger to her lips.
New York was like an ex who had worked out all summer. Alix had spent the last five days running through the city with Rachel, Jodi, and Tamra—sometimes just with Catherine—to all her favorite spots. She ate ice cream in a cone on 7th Street, standing under a lamppost in the snow. She bought Catherine a flowered beanie. And she wore heels for the first time in ten months when she attended an event for the Clinton campaign. Hillary Clinton herself wasn’t there, but hundreds of sharp, smart, and sexy women were. By the time her train pulled back into the 30th Street Station, she had an email in her inbox from a professor in communications at the New School: We’d love to talk about the upcoming semester. Let’s schedule a chat soon! Alix quickly responded, and then continued captioning future Instagram photos she’d taken in the city. She now had enough content for weeks to continue pretending that she still lived there.
“Hi!” With her pants back on, Alix jogged down the stairs and reveled in the flicks of fresh blond ends on her shoulders. Next to the kitchen table, Emira was kneeling in front of Briar, and Alix’s chest seemed to expand all the way up to her eyes. Oh, how she had missed both of them! Her chatty and nervous daughter, and the quiet, thoughtful person she paid to love her. It was enchanting to see that nothing had really changed. Briar still needed help putting her mittens on her hands. Emira still wore pilled neon socks below her black leggings. “I can’t believe I haven’t seen you in a week!”
Emira said, “I know, welcome back,” as Peter came downstairs. He slipped a jacket over his shoulders as he kissed Alix and Briar. Then he was gone and it was just the three of them.
“Have you guys been having fun?”
“Yeah,” Emira said. “Same ol’ stuff, I guess.”
Alix turned to retrieve her coffee from the counter. With the cup in her hands she turned back around, tucked her hair behind her ear, and said, “Emira.”
New York City had reminded Alix that if she could talk to more than four hundred women about asking for a promotion, she could definitely talk to Emira about Kelley Copeland. The past five days had reaffirmed the confidence she had in herself, as well as providing clarity about this conversation. It would be much simpler than she had imagined. She wouldn’t be pushy. She’d stick to the facts. And she wouldn’t expect Emira to do something right away. Alix had once been twenty-five herself, and all this time later, she could still remember the Kelley Copeland effect well. Regardless, Alix would protect her sitter. Thanksgiving was meant to mark a shift in their relationship, and her desire for this hadn’t changed. She would step in to be an advocate in Emira Tucker’s life, and not just on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Alix smiled into the side of her cup. “Do you want to talk for a minute?”
“Ummm, sure?” Emira stood up from the floor. “Well, I was actually thinking of changing it up today and taking Briar to a movie.”
“A movie!” Alix made a face at her daughter. “That’s so exciting.”
“How come these has fingers . . .” Briar said, pointing to Emira’s gloves, “and mine has no fingers?”
“Because yours are mittens. They’re very warm.”
“Well, I’ll warn you that her attention span isn’t great,” Alix said. “I can’t imagine her sitting still in a theater for too long.”
“Oh, yeah, it’s the midday mommy-and-me one you suggested a long time ago. So the lights will be on and she can move around or whatever.”
“Neat!” Had Alix really just said neat? Alix kept her smile broad, but inside she was wondering, How are we talking about movie showtimes right now? Emira and Briar needed to stay inside the house. Alix had put Catherine down early for this reason: she and Emira had a lot to discuss. “I’ve been meaning to try that out,” she said. “It might just be on Tuesdays, though. But you know what—I can just give you the Amazon password if you guys want to snuggle up and do a movie here instead—”
“Can I just check and see?”
Emira always asked Alix if she could use the computer (Can I make sure my train is still running? Can I check to see if it’s going to rain?), but now, Alix watched her sitter shake the mouse and hit the keyboard with such familiarity that it made Alix’s head tilt hard to one side. Emira made two more clicks. “Perfect,” she said. “It starts at twelve forty-five.”
“Oh, great.”
“I’m just gonna email the address to myself really quick.”
“Mama?” Briar called, holding her blond ponytail in her hands. “Some fishes has no feet or tails? And that’s . . . that’s just how they are.”
“That’s very true,” Alix said. “Emira, that sounds great. I think it’ll be really fun. But do you mind if we talk for a second?”
Alix watched Emira click Send on an email before she turned around. “Sure, what’s up?”
This return made Alix fold her arms in a protective response. How had this gotten so far away from her? Was this what it would be like to have a teenager some day? Someone dying to leave your space but also making it feel like it wasn’t yours?
“Well . . . let me get straight to it,” Alix said. She delivered this with a light laugh at the end that made her cringe. She took another breath and placed her coffee on the counter to create a moment between Emira’s movie plans and the news she’d been practicing the delivery of for the past seven days. “We had a such a nice time at Thanksgiving, and we were so glad you guys came. But . . . I’m sure it was a little odd for you as well. First and foremost? Thank you for being such a superwoman that night. I know I said it before, but once again, you completely saved us.”
“Oh, of course,” Emira said. She looked at Briar and said, “It’s no fun to be sick.”