Once the waiter retreated, Kelley pressed his hands to the edge of the table and blew out through his mouth. “Okay, let’s back up because there’s a lot to unpack here.”
For some reason this phrase made Alix want to throw the bubbling water across the room. She crossed her legs and watched Kelley prepare to speak as he ran his tongue over his front teeth.
“You didn’t have the best senior year, and that obviously still affects you. But at the end of the day, I broke up with you.” As he said this, he rested his palms upward on the table. “That’s it.”
Alix shook her head. “This has nothing to do with—”
Kelley cut her off with, “Let me finish. I broke up with you. That’s all. And I’m sure you’ve broken up with people too, and you understand how it works by now. It’s not easy for anyone involved.”
Alix’s mind couldn’t land on what he was saying. It was all so loaded—she knew she’d analyze every bit of it later—but this seemed to block her from retaining any of the information. On one hand he looked exhausted, not angry, which made her want to throw up into the stretch of her scarf. On the other hand, he assumed she’d broken up with people? More than one? Did this mean that he still found her attractive? Was it a completely inappropriate time to clarify, So you still think I’m pretty?
“That’s the only crime I’ve done against you,” Kelley went on. “I know you disagree with me on that, and I don’t understand why, all this time later, you can’t consider that maybe you didn’t have to call the cops that night?” Kelley proposed. “But as for you and me, I was seventeen and we broke up.”
Alix looked up at the reflective glassy ceiling. “Again. I came here to talk about Emira.”
“Okay, fine. As far as Emira goes . . .” Kelley stared at the table as if he were still trying to piece everything together. “I mean, honestly I’m shocked that the word fetishizing is even in your vocabulary . . . but Alex, I’m in love with Emira.”
This comment felt like he’d reached in her chest and shooed her heart as if it were a bug that had landed too close.
“And sure,” Kelley said. “I probably thought the black kids in high school were much cooler than the white ones. I don’t think I was the only kid who thought athletes and rappers and rich kids, including yourself, were cooler than everyone else. But Robbie and I are still friends. I was in his fucking wedding. It doesn’t matter how we became friends. And it doesn’t matter how I met Emira either.”
Alix hated herself for her immediate thought, which was What wedding!? Why didn’t I see the pictures? Ohmygod, did Robbie block me?
“And in my relationship with Emira?” Kelley widened his eyes. “No one is being used for anything. And more importantly, Emira is an adult. So maybe you don’t like it, but it shouldn’t be any concern of yours who she chooses to spend her time with.” Alix froze as Kelley put air quotes over the word concern.
Alix wanted to scream and she wanted her voice to echo up into the gaudy and pretentious space. How dare you be diplomatic about this?! she thought. I get it, we’re through, but don’t date my fucking babysitter. And don’t act like I’m crazy. We were in love with each other. How else was I supposed to react? And how else was I supposed to see you again? The more Kelley had gone on, the calmer he got, and the more it seemed like he was slipping away. Alix wanted him to hear the things she wasn’t saying, but she also refused to go home on good terms with this person who’d ruined her senior summer. New York City was still in her veins. Alix knew her hair and skin looked amazing. If Kelley thought he could leave this table without any repercussions, if Emira thought she could just ask for cash and call Peter by his first name, then they both had greatly underestimated her.
“So what I’m hearing is . . .” Alix grinned. “That you haven’t told Emira exactly what you did to me?”
Kelley put his forehead to his hands and said, “Jesus, Alex. I didn’t do anything to you—”
“You can believe whatever you want,” she said. “But Emira has a right to know who she’s really dating. And if you don’t tell her about what you did to me, about everything that led to your best friend Robbie getting arrested, then I absolutely will.”
Kelley choked out a laugh. Had Alix gone too far? Tamra had told Alix to not tell Emira what he’d done, but she didn’t say that Alix couldn’t get Kelley to tell Emira himself.
“Alex . . .” Kelley sighed. “You came down here leading with the fact that you think I’m using Emira. But now it’s about a letter that I never even received?”
“They are related,” Alix said through gritted teeth. “If it doesn’t matter and you didn’t do anything wrong, why haven’t you told her what you did to me?”
“Why haven’t you told her what you did to Robbie?”
“All I did was protect my sister and my sitter.”
“Ohmygod, Alex. You’re still doing this? ‘I need to protect my black babysitter’? Just so you know, Robbie is still five-foot-five and—”
“You know what?” Alix cut him off. “How about you tell Emira what happened, how Robbie just happened to know where I lived and the code to my house, and let her decide for herself. Since she’s so grown up and mature I’m sure she can make up her mind.”
Kelley kept his head low but raised his eyes to say, “If this is you making a dig at her age, I’d be happy to discuss the gap between you and your husband.”
Alix thought, Motherfucker. She often forgot that just because Peter looked young for his age, it didn’t mean that he looked young. But she wouldn’t be derailed. “Emira deserves to know who she’s dating.”
“No, you know what, Alex?” Kelley leaned forward with one arm on the table. “Emira deserves a job where she gets to wear her own fucking clothes. How about you start with that?”
Alix sat back. She felt the puffs in her jacket squish and deflate with a tiny whistle. “Excuse me?”
“You act like what happened to you was worse than what happened to Robbie, even though—let’s not even go there. If you love Emira so much, then let her wear what she wants,” Kelley jeered. “I’m sure I didn’t handle things well back in high school. I was seventeen, I was an idiot. But at least I’m not still requiring a uniform for someone who works for me so I can pretend like I own them.”
“Ohmygod!” Alix formed fists with both hands on the table. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. She asked! I lent her a shirt!”
“You lend her the same shirt? Every day? In the business we call that a uniform.”