make her roses out of paper.
For a love as poetic,
make her roses out of literature.
And if you’re lucky enough to find both,
remind her every damn day.”
—Oliver Masters
mia.
THE SEPTEMBER TEMPERATURES cooled the building as Jake and I walked through the hallway after class and back to our wing. Walking side by side, he rambled on about Brian breaking it off with him earlier in the summer, but my mind was on a different guy I hadn’t spoken to in weeks.
So far, Ollie kept his promise. He hadn’t shown up to my room or confronted me when our paths crossed. He had kept his distance, which only killed me even more. We say things we know are for the best, but our hearts hold on to the tiny hope that we could be wrong, and I’d hoped this time Ollie wouldn’t have listened.
“I’m ready to spread my wings.” Jake stretched an arm out to the side.
“You’re wings or your wiener?”
“You pervert!” he laughed and bumped my shoulder with his. “Do you know how hard it was to find a good source of protein on a mission trip? I couldn’t wait to come back here.”
“What’s here?” Having Jake back made this situation with Ollie a little easier. I didn’t bother telling Jake what happened between Ollie and I, but Jake was the perfect distraction.
“So, you promise you won’t say anything?” Jake asked as we approached the stairs.
My eyes bugged out when I noticed both his tone and posture changed. “Oh, dear god, this has to be good.”
Jake gripped my arm and pulled me against the wall out of ear-shot of any unwelcomed bystanders. “Promise me, Mia. You can’t tell a soul.” His lips disappeared while his eyes waited in eagerness.
“Fine, fine. I promise…”
He leaned into my ear. “Liam.”
My eyes grew wider and my jaw dropped. “No way.”
“Yes.”
“No … ”
“Yes!”
“Ew, Jake,” I shoved him in the shoulder, “I’ve been with him!”
Jake’s head jerked in all directions while hushing me. “I know!”
“He’s a grunter!” I whisper-shouted.
“I know, I fucking love it!”
“Oh-my-god, I don’t want to hear about it. Now I want to stick a pressure washer inside me.”
Jake giggled, and we returned to our pace, descending the stairs. “You can’t tell anyone. He hasn’t come out yet, and I don’t want to lose him.”
“I get it. My lips are sealed.”
Our feet touched the second floor, and we walked through the main corridor back to our wing when my gaze landed on Ollie walking toward us in the opposite direction.
And just like that, the smile on my face faded. Ollie’s presence was a daily reminder that I’m without him. Words swirled on the tip of my tongue, all the things I wished I had the nerve to say: I miss you. I love you. I’m sorry. I wish I was as strong as you. I don’t deserve you. I wish I wasn’t so selfish. Be patient with me, I’m still learning these things …
I tried to force my eyes to the ground, instead they stayed glued to his. Soft green eyes held onto mine as he ran a hand through his backward wave, taking longer strides toward me, ripping my heart to shreds.
And just like that, the two of us locked in slow motion as the rest of the world buzzed around us. My pace habitually slowed from Ollie’s proximity. He pulled his hand from his pocket and grabbed mine from my side as we passed one another.
Time stopped. My heart stopped. For two seconds, even my brain stopped turning all the words I wanted to shout out to him. Ollie gave my hand a soft squeeze before he released something in the palm of my hand.
Then the moment was suddenly gone.
I turned back around. Ollie didn’t.
In the palm of my hand was an origami rose from battered book paper, and my breath left me.
“What’s that?” Jake asked, bringing me back to speed with the rest of the world.
My heart shook as I tried to find oxygen after reading the script in Ollie’s handwriting across a petal—you’re my evermore.
“A reminder,” I whispered.
“Jett,” someone announced, and I looked up from my hand to see Ethan approaching. “You have a visitor.”
Jake and I exchanged glances.
After dropping my things off in my room, Ethan escorted me outside. Somber clouds kept the sun hidden, and after my eyes adjusted to the sunbeams seeping through the clouds, I saw my dad pacing back and forth beside a bench on the lawn, rubbing his hands together.
“Why is my dad here?” I wondered out loud, unsure if I wanted to know the answer. Did something happen to my step-mom, Diane? I looked over to Ethan, and he dropped his head.
“I’ll give you time alone with him,” Ethan said, gesturing with his hand. “I’ll wait until you’re finished to walk you back, alright?”
Nodding, I walked in my father’s direction. The fierce wind blew my hair in my face, and I did nothing to keep it away as my arms wrapped around myself in an attempt to beat the cold. Delaying the inevitable, I slowed my pace. My revived heart beat faster with every step closer. Nerves set in. This was unexpected, and I didn’t like the unexpected.
“You look good,” my dad said as he took a seat at the bench and patted the space beside him. “How are you?”
I sat down and looked over the man who I haven’t seen in over a year. The last time I’d seen those empty eyes were at the airport before he walked away from me. “What are you doing here?”
Yes, I’d changed, but our relationship hadn’t. My father had given up on me, too many times to count. When others remembered family vacations or game nights around the dinner table as childhood memories, his abandonment would always be mine. Gray, unforgiving eyes met mine, but still looked past me.
“I spoke with David … ”—My father paused and cleared his throat— “Dean Lynch. I spoke with Dean Lynch, and he said you’re doing well here.”
Twisting my neck back, Ethan stood before the door with his eyes trained on me, watching me like a hawk. I turned back to face my father. “I am.”
“You lost more weight.”
“My taste buds don’t agree with the food here,” I said casually with a single shrug.
My father nodded once and looked out in front of him before returning his eyes to me. “Regardless, you still look good.”
He didn’t come all this way to check on me. Cutting the awkwardness with my tongue, I drew in a cutting breath and asked, “Why the sudden visit?”
My father drew in the same deep breath and folded his hands over his lap. “You know, Mia, I never wanted kids of my own. But the second I met your mother, I would have agreed to anything to be with her—
“Cut to the chase.”
His chest rose while his empty gray eyes looked up to the sky. “This is hard for me, so I need you to listen.” His gaze flicked back over to me, waiting for understanding. I nodded, and he continued, “You were only two years old when I married your mom, and we agreed to keep this a secret, but I just can’t anymore. I was never fit to be a father, and Jackie’s not here anymore.” His breath shredded. “She left me. She left you. It’s not fair for either one of us.”