As soon as I allowed Maddie to kiss me in the woods, I’d wanted to drive my head through a tree. My heart demanded I run after her as soon as she took off. But my brain laughed at the incident like I told a ridiculous joke. If I ran after her, I would have made things worse for myself, digging an even deeper grave.
Each time my mouth opened, it said things I didn’t mean.
Each time I moved, it contradicted everything my heart screamed.
I had no control.
“How’s your support group, Mia?” Arty asked, and even her name coming from someone else’s mouth sounded like poetry.
Her pretty lips moved as her voice flooded my ears. “Good, and I’d like to take this time to invite anyone to come talk to me afterward if they are interested in attending. The group is closed and anonymous.”
“Oh, for girls who are sexually abused?” Maddie huffed, “You mean for little bitches who can’t take it—
Arty quickly silenced her. Mia paid her no attention.
She was clothed in strength, but it no longer was because of me.
I wondered if this redheaded bloke had something to do with it.
Once I approached our wing, my sights landed on Maddie’s tall and skinny figure as she walked out of Mia’s room. “Whoa, what do you think you’re doing?”
“Looking for you,” she said with a wicked smile and met me halfway in the empty hallway. Everyone must be in their rooms or gathered in the mess hall waiting for dinner.
“That’s not my room anymore, and why are you looking for me?”
Maddie’s lashes fluttered over her dark brown eyes under her bangs. She had similar features to Mia, and it wasn’t until I met Mia when I understood how my heart could have been confused. The eyes were almost the same, though Mia’s were a golden-brown when we were together. Maddie stood a few inches taller, with hair a tad lighter. My body reacted to the familiarity of what it thought it wanted, but it knew for certain when Mia came around.
“We’re always around people, we haven’t had a chance to talk,” she said through a small smile. Her hand reached out, and I took a step back.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“I knew you would come back around, no? I just needed to get ya back on the meds.”
“You’ve gone mad.” I took a step away from her, but she blocked me.
“You and me, it’s going to happen. It’s only a matter of time. You’ll fall right back into becoming the man whore again. I know everything. You think she’ll stay with you after seeing that side?” My hand found her throat, and before I knew it, she was against the cement wall. Maddie’s eyes mocked me, not one ounce of fear clouding her face. Her hand slipped over my dick, and she sucked in her lips. “There he is. There’s the Ollie I remember.”
“Stop,” I warned through a clenched jaw.
Maddie laughed, and I tightened my grip while she tightened hers. Both of us daring the other to pull away first. Her fingers rubbed over my swelling cock before I snatched her wrist and slammed it against the cement.
“Funny thing is…” her voice cracked against my hold, “Ya into it, Ollie. You’re just like your brother.”
My hand released from her throat, and I backed away, shaking my head. “I’m nothing like my brother.
The taunts followed me back to my room before I slammed the door in her face. Maddie grew too close to Oscar and knew too much. The scary thing was, she was right. The summer on the pills over a year ago drove my dick into almost every girl as if it were looking for something.
It was Mia all along.
And perhaps I should keep Mia away, but nothing would let me.
She was my life source, and though I was confused by a lot, I was certain of one thing: I needed her. Like breathing, I fucking needed her.
Strolling into dinner late, I hung back and stood beside Ethan under the archway.
“Masters,” he said casually, keeping his eyes in front of him—keeping his eyes on Mia. “I told you last week. I’m not getting in the middle of whatever tosh you’re involved with.”
“You’re already in the middle of it.” I already knew. Hell, I knew. I saw the way Mia looked at him, and it was the same way she used to look at me. “I’m not all together, I know, and I appreciate you being everything I can’t right now,” Ethan shifted in place and crossed his arms over his chest as I continued, “but I’m not an idiot either. No matter how bad you wish it could be you, it will never be. It will always be me.”
Ethan tore his eyes away from Mia to me. We stood there, same height, same agenda, different hearts when he finally spoke up. “You think you can fuck up and expect her to be unchanged by it?” Ethan averted his gaze back to Mia. Both of us watching her smile and sign words to Zeke. “Look at her, Masters. She’s not the same person you left seven months ago. She’s already learned how to live without you.”
Ethan dug his hand into his pocket and smacked the contents against my chest. “Don’t ask me for any more favors.”
I took the pack of gum from him without looking, counting on it being my flavor. A tenner for a pack of gum seemed ridiculous, but I needed it. Others gave into other addictions like caffeine, nicotine, or pills. My only addiction to calm my nerves was to occupy my grinding jaw with gum, which cost me more now that Oscar was gone.
The new bloke, Jude, walked in late, eyeing our exchange before I stuffed the gum into my pocket. I looked back, noticing he came from my wing. “Fucker came from the wrong direction.”
“He has a habit of getting lost,” Ethan mumbled with his hands back on his belt like it was no big deal.
Running my twitching fingers through my hair, I caught up to Jude at the buffet line. “Where are you coming from, mate?”
If there was one thing Oscar had taught me, it was not to trust anyone, not even him. The problem was, I trusted everyone my whole life, but not on these pills. While medicated, I walked on eggshells and paranoia. And the eggshells and paranoia enabled a spidey-sense telling me Jude was up to no good. There should have been zero reasons for him to be walking through the third and fourth wing. He should have entered through the opposite walkway, not mine. Not Mia’s.
Jude turned around, his greasy black hair slicked behind his ears and faint-blue eyes wide. “What’s it to you?”
Jude instantly went on the defense and throwing accusations wouldn’t get me anywhere. He grabbed a tray, and I followed his lead. “If you need another tour of campus, let me know.”
Initially, I planned on eating alone, but I needed to keep an eye on him. Be-friend him. Get to know him, and find out why he was here.
I pulled out the chair beside Maddie and stretched my legs as Jude sat across from me. Maddie’s fingers found my thigh, but my eyes found Mia. Her golden-brown chestnuts glowed against the dying sun beside the window. For four seconds, she gave me the look I so desperately needed. The same one reminding me all was going to be okay between us, at least until her eyes fell underneath the table at Maddie’s hand on my dick.
Shit. “Fuck, Maddie,” I spat out, pushing her hand away, “Keep your hands to yourself, yeah?” My gaze returned to Mia’s, but she’d already turned away.
Maddie giggled and pressed her breasts against my arm as she leaned into my ear. “It’s only a matter of time,” she whispered.