I plopped down beside him and laid back. Since I’d known Ethan, he’d never opened up about his family. I’ve pried, and tried to wiggle my way in without anything in return, until now. And I took full advantage of right now, soaking up as much as he’d give me. “Isn’t your mom young to be in a home?”
“Nah, she had me at forty-three. She’s pushing seventy.”
“You visit her often?”
Ethan folded his hands behind his head. “It’s hard. She looks at me and has no clue who I am. I guess the only good thing about Alzheimer’s is the fact the death of her daughter can’t touch her.” Damn. “I have you, Jett. You’re my family.” He turned on his side to face me and lifted his head into his palm. “The reason I’m telling you all this is because even though Masters is back, nothing changes between us. I can accept Masters. I’ll welcome the tosser with open arms if that’s the man you decide to spend the rest of your life with, but not a bloody thing changes between you and me. If I knew for one second the bloke couldn’t take care of you, if he didn’t … love you more than I love you, he’d already be gone.”
A lump lodged in my throat. My gaze remained out in front of me, my eyes watching a cloud move across the sky as Ethan’s words repeated over and over in my head.
“Yeah, I said it,” Ethan fell back against the grass, “and I know you love me, too, but never in the way you love him, and I’m alright with that. I’ve come to terms with it. One day, my time will come, and when I do find the one, this thing between us remains the same. You. Are. My. Family.”
Ethan’s fingers found mine in the grass, and I closed my eyes. “Why are you telling me this now? Why do I feel like this is a goodbye or something bad is about to happen?”
“After you graduate, I’m leaving the country. I have to disappear for a while. I’m tired of this place, the people, fucking everything. Being here only reminds me of my sister, and I thought I could do it. I really did.” He squeezed my hand and pulled me close, snaking his arm around my neck. It had been forever since we’d been this close, and it was comforting. When everything changed around me, Ethan and his loyalty to me stayed. “You’re the reason I’ve pulled through. For twenty years, people gave up or walked out on you, and just because I’m disappearing doesn’t mean a bloody thing. You’ll have a way to contact me.”
“Where are you going?”
“No idea.”
“Don’t forget about me, Ethan.”
“Never.”
“Pinky swear?” Unfolding our linked hands, I held up my pinky in front of us into the cloudy blue sky.
Ethan’s chest raised, filling his lungs completely before he finally said, “Yeah, Jett,” his hand came up and linked his pinky with mine. “I swear.”
Sure, our relationship was unconventional. It never had and never would fit into a mold. One thing I knew for sure? We found each other while searching for ourselves.
Time left us, and we decided it was time to go inside when the winter air grew angrier. The cold stung Ethan’s face, blotches matching his blood-red hair. He pulled me up to my feet before we walked back toward the prison. Ollie sat over a bench near the entrance with his back to us and head hung between his shoulders. The muscles in his shoulders strained against his hoodie.
Side by side, Ethan dropped his mouth down to my ear. “Last chance, you sure he’s the one?”
My eyes flicked over to Ethan, meeting his electric blue eyes and a smug grin. I smacked him in the stomach and returned my attention to Ollie, who was now standing with his hands shoved into his pockets, staring at us from afar. A familiar flame ignited within me, warming me in the bitter cold. Ollie’s gaze filled me up and called upon me, the kind of connection that branded into your bones. With the camera dangling from my wrist, I broke out into a jog, and a smile broke out on Ollie’s face. My feet ate away at the distance—space never belonged between us.
Distance, demons, fate, time … eat your fucking heart out.
Ollie caught me mid-air as I wrapped my legs around his waist. A laugh came up from his chest and fell into the crook of my neck. His arm secured me in place while his other hand rested under my thigh, and he pulled his head away to meet my eyes. “Ready for our date?”
I nodded, my feet finding solid ground again. “Why were you waiting here? In the cold?”
Ollie’s arm swung around my shoulder and pulled me to his side as Ethan walked up. “I was downstairs. Saw you two through the window but didn’t want to intrude.” Ollie offered his hand to Ethan. “Thanks, mate.”
Ethan shook it, and my heart warmed at the sight of the most important people in my life falling in sync. The smile on my face was easy. An understanding took possession of all previous tension, and the realization hit me.
I’d soon walk out of Dolor unchained, in love, with a safety net to break my every fall.
After dinner and bathroom routine, Ollie and I reached his door, and he paused with a hand over the doorknob. “The night is ours. You’re safe. No one’s coming in, no one’s leaving. Tonight is our New Year’s. We’ll pretend this is our first of many, alright?”
No question, that single night still taunted me whenever I’d battle my nights alone, reminding me of my past. The defenseless little girl I’d pushed away for over ten years had been saved and put to rest, only to rise from the ashes because of that one damn night—New Years of last year. The ghost of New Year’s past. I never needed to hear Ollie’s reassurance, but he still gave it without a second thought. “Let’s do this,” I said through an exhale. His lips landed on my temple before opening the door.
Somehow, Ollie snagged cheap red wine and music. Not just any music. My music. For hours we drank, danced, laughed, played Magic 8 phone, and claimed the night.
We had fifteen minutes until midnight, and I swayed to Bloodstream by Stateless. The heat from the liquor persuaded my flow as Ollie soaked me in from the floor below. Hypnotized, eyes hungry and heavy, his dimples kissed his cheeks as he sat shirtless in his joggers against the mattress. The blankets and pillows had been transferred to the ground, and I twirled with the bottle of wine in my hand in my black bra and sweatpants falling low on my hips. My air-dried hair swung around me as the room spun in circles.
Intoxicated and free, I closed my eyes to take in the way his eyes on me made me feel.
Alive.
“Come dance with me,” I insisted, slowly blinking. Ollie lazily rubbed his hand over his chest and down his inked stomach before wordlessly climbing to his feet. Within arm’s reach, he pulled the bottle from my hand and brought it to his lips. The lump moved as he swallowed, and he set the bottle over the desk. Wet lips glistened, and his eyes grew needy. He closed the unwelcomed distance and traced his fingertips up the length of my arm.
“I don’t know which I like better,” he said slowly, fingers tracing over my collarbone. “Watching you lose yourself on your own or being a part of it,” he continued slowly, “Do you have any idea what you do to me, love?” I shook my head, and Ollie tilted his head. “All night, I struggle to remain still. The way your wild heart beats to your savage spirit, and it should be a sin to stain such beauty with my bare hands. But still … ” his fingers trickled down the center of my chest, “I can’t help it.” His eyes moved from what his hand was doing against my heaving chest to my lips. “You see my dilemma?”