Ollie’s hardly used frown line between his brows deepened. “He raped you!” he whisper-shouted. “He stood right out there and bragged about it, wanting me to hear every bloody word.”
“No, Ollie. He didn’t. He never got the chance. He hit me. I had a concussion. I wasn’t raped.”
His eyes fixed on me for a moment as my words set in, and then he exhaled. His once weakened body went rigid. “He fucking hit you?” His voice was full of guilt and remorse as he looked me in the eyes.
“It’s over now. I got Oscar’s full confession recorded. You can leave here, Ollie.”
Ollie shook his head. “Please don’t tell me you put yourself in that situation on purpose.”
“No, of course not. I knew it would have only been a matter of time before Oscar tried again. So I carried your phone with me just in case, everywhere I went. I had to have proof it was him.”
There was a sudden lift in the air when Ollie wrapped his arms around me and finally pulled me to him. He reached for the back of my head, and even though I was supposed to be the strong one, I melted in his hold.
“The only way they’ll let me out is if I take my medication,” he said into my neck.
I pulled him away to see him. “What did you do?”
“I was so angry after I heard that, and when my door opened, I didn’t care who was on the other side. I fucking lost it.” Ollie fell back against the wall and ran his hands through his hair. “What do you want me to do, Mia?”
“I convinced Lynch to let me see you. I told him I could convince you to take your prescription so you’ll get out of here, but I can’t be selfish. I can’t tell you to do something you don’t want to do. It wouldn’t be fair. I just want you to be okay.”
“I’m so scared of what will happen to us if I take it. I know how I was before, and you will hate me, Mia. I’m certain of it. I was dead. No conscience.”
My heart was in my throat. The panic of the possibility consumed me, but Ollie loved me. The small voice in the back of my head convinced me he couldn’t possibly be capable of making me hate him. “It’s not possible. We can’t be tainted, remember?”
“We can if it’s no longer me,” he stated with confidence. There was a long pause, and the worry grew bigger and bigger. “And when I take the meds, and they let me out of here, you have to promise you will bring me back, alright?”
Bring him back? Bring him back from what? What did the medication turn him into? None of this was making sense. As I remembered our conversation about what had happened with Maddie, I’d always thought it was because of how insane she was, not because of Ollie’s side effects from his pills. “How do I bring you back?”
“You have to remind me. You have to find a way.” He was so sure this would happen that there was no doubt in his tone. He didn’t even want me to have an ounce of hope. From the look on his face, he was telling me he would, in fact, change, his feelings for me would, in fact, change, and there was nothing he could do about it.
“Let’s go, Mia,” a voice said and I turned to see Dean Lynch with his head popped through the door.
“Shit.” Ollie sighed as we got to our feet. “I love you, Mia … always. You have to remember that, alright?”
I nodded, and he looked past me to Lynch as he ran his nervous hand through his hair and gripped the ends.
Another tear fell from his eye as his breathing turned jagged. “Fuck it,” he said and crashed his mouth to mine in a last attempt of desperation to convince me, or remind himself, or give himself something to hold on to, or all of it. He grabbed my face as he pressed his forehead to mine and his warm tears transferred to my cheek as he gasped for air.
“Close your eyes, Ollie,” I whispered, bringing my hands over his and removing them from my face. Ollie clenched his eyes closed as more tears shot down like dying stars.
I took one last look at him, hoping the next time I would see him, nothing would change. We were stronger than any pill. It seemed extreme, what medication could turn people into, and maybe he was overreacting. Medicine couldn’t come between us. He was confident it would, but I was confident what we had could conquer anything.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“There’s a villain in all of us.
Some are just better at deceiving.”
—Oliver Masters
THEY FOUND OSCAR. I wished I was more relieved than I was. Dean Lynch showed up to my dorm before breakfast one morning to tell me the news, and relief hadn’t quite washed over me yet. It wouldn’t until I saw Ollie again, and it had been another tormenting week since I’d left him in solitary confinement. I wondered what was taking him so long. Had he changed his mind on taking the medication?
I went through the same routine, waking up as soon as the automatic doors unlocked, took a shower, brushed my teeth, read in my dorm for another hour until breakfast. I’d hated to read before, but getting lost in a novel was the only way to get by. It wasn’t the same as when Ollie read to me, but I still found comfort in it—even if it was a little. I held on to the small part of happiness until I could wrap my arms around it.
Holding on to the possibility of a future with Ollie did not succumb with each passing day. I only held on stronger, fought harder. The vision of seeing his eyes light up when he met new people, seeing him cry with them through their pain, being a part of his growth, success, and his poetry … I wanted to be a part of it all. And now I had found my purpose; I also wanted to be there for girls across the world who were scared and alone. Learning to become empathetic was a whole new thing for me, and Ethan, the police officer, had introduced me to a side of myself I hadn’t known I was capable of, never fathoming how much it would touch me.
Today, I wore Ollie’s hoodie over my Dolor shirt. The temperature on campus only turned colder. His scent of freedom left unscathed as I pulled it over my head. It was the first time I smiled as the drifting scent in the air hugged me.
There was a gloominess in the mess hall without Ollie’s presence.
“Care if I sit with you and Zeke today?” Jake asked as he stood beside me in the lunch line. His smile was gone, too, but I doubted it was because of Ollie’s absence. “Alicia and I are in a tiff.”
This thing between Jake and Alicia seemed to be happening at least once a month. “Maybe you two are on the same cycle.”
Jake tilted his head, and his forehead wrinkled as we moved along the buffet line. “Bloody hell, maybe you’re right. What’s it called? Sympathy period?” Normally, he would have giggled, but he didn’t. It was because of Ollie. He was gone, and he’d taken his bright light over everyone with him.