She rested her head against his chest, amazed that something so hard and solid could feel this divine. “Ronan, I’ll help you out. I would never forgive myself if I put the lives of so many valiant seamen at risk. But it won’t be easy for me. My heart is so bruised.”
“I know. This is what worries me most of all.”
“Let’s not think beyond these next two weeks, and don’t make me promises you won’t keep.” She remained in his arms, her head resting against his chest and his gloriously muscled arms around her. After a long moment, she reluctantly drew away.
She was surprised he hadn’t been the one to move away first.
But this was Ronan. Now that he’d given her this promise, he was going to fulfill it to the utmost. If she wanted more kisses, he would indulge her. If she wanted to be in his arms, he would take her in his arms.
She would have two weeks of this.
More, if she desired.
She understood now why it had been important for him to choose her. Few women would ever let him out of the bargain they’d just made. Most would have used it as an opportunity to trap him into marriage.
Let me put this another way. I won’t accept to do this with anyone but you. Those were his exact words of a few minutes earlier. It pleased her that he trusted her and considered her honorable. She felt the same about him.
With great difficulty, she drew away and returned to her chair. “What is our next step?”
He smiled at her and gave her cheek another sweet caress before crossing the room to open the door. “We get back to this book and its lessons in love.”
She laughed shakily. “After that kiss, I’m not sure I’ll be able to concentrate.”
“It caught me off guard, too, Queen Pea.” He grinned and returned to settle in a chair beside hers, the book now in his hand. “There’s no rule to how fast we must read through it. We’ll have plenty of time now, in any event. I’ll make it a point to visit you every day.”
She nodded. “I have a confession to make.”
“You do?” He arched an eyebrow, looking quite amused.
“I read ahead to the next chapters. But I suppose it is a good thing because...” She sighed. “Your kiss is still affecting me.”
“Me, too,” he said quietly and opened the book to the second chapter. “Shall I skip it then?”
“No, it is important. Also, reading with you is different from my reading alone. Better, in truth. My head was hopelessly muddled, and I probably overlooked important bits. These next chapters are about the five senses. Sight. Touch. Taste. Hearing. Scent.”
“What did you learn from reading them?”
“That our own expectations often get in the way of what our sense organs are showing us. These chapters teach us how to clear our minds and look at a thing without judging it in advance.”
Since he seemed to be listening with interest, she continued. “Perhaps the biggest mistake we make when searching for love is our refusal to accept that we’ve selected the wrong partner. This is how I was with Gerald. After reading these chapters, it was as though a stone wall had toppled on my head. How could I have been so dense? Had I bothered to look at him with my eyes wide open, I would have recognized so many failings, not only in him but in us as a couple.”
“You refused to acknowledge what he was.”
“And you saw him so clearly.” She nodded. “I wanted to fall in love now that I had become a woman. I was excited and thrilled to finally be making my debut. He was right there, a friend of long acquaintance. He was writing me love letters. So I was determined to fall in love with him. More important, I made myself believe he loved me. I ignored all the warning signs, refused to accept what my own eyes and ears were telling me.”
He pursed his lips. “Men approach love quite differently, but we lie to ourselves as well. Women want to fall in love, and men want to avoid it desperately, at least early on when they are young bucks stepping out in society.”
“It all goes back to the differences in our brains, doesn’t it?” she said. “The man needs to sire and populate. The woman needs to find the best protector for herself and her children.”
“But it is not quite as straightforward as all that.” He stared at the pages a moment before returning his gaze to hers. “Our feelings also get corrupted by greed, ambition, revenge, envy.”
“Gerald’s certainly were. Yet, I saw none of his faults until now.”
He took her hand. “Not all men are as selfish as Wainscott. We are also guided by feelings of respect, honor, duty, love of family.”
She laughed. “Oh, you Braydens are a fine example of those nobler sentiments.”
She listened while Ronan quickly read through the next chapters, loving the richness of his voice and the warmth of his body next to hers. But she shook out of the errant thoughts. She had just gotten herself out of one mess and was not ready to leap into another.
She would accept Ronan for the good friend he was and not allow her heart to push her toward a hopeless end.
“What do you see when you look at me, Dahlia?” he asked, setting the book aside once he’d finished reading through all five senses.
“Didn’t we go through this yesterday? Naming twelve things we liked about each other.”
He nodded. “But I want to try it again. This time with each of us really looking at the other. Choose the five things that you like best. One thing for each sense.”
“In order of importance?”
“Not necessarily. In whatever order you prefer.”
“Very well, but shouldn’t we be making this a bit more general. We seem to be concentrating on each other instead of thinking outwardly.”
“Is there something wrong with that? I think it helps us to better understand what the book is teaching us if we test it out on each other first.”
If it made sense to him, she was not going to argue the point. All she had to do was remind herself that this was merely experimentation and pretense. “I’ll start with the sense of sight first. The look of you.” She cleared her throat.
Dark hair.
Emerald eyes.
Big muscles.
Exquisite in every way.
She tried not to sound deflated as she said, “You look like the man of my dreams.”
He cast her a soft smile. “Would you care to elaborate? How do I look like the man of your dreams?”
“Just the way you are put together. It is very pleasing. There is a warmth to your smile and intelligence in your eyes. Your hair is dark and thick. Your body looks as though it could have been carved out of stone. You have a fine, firm jaw and a nicely shaped mouth. You look like a man, not an indulged, little boy.”
She blushed under the force of his stare. “Now for the sense of hearing, I like the sound of your voice as well. It is deep and commanding.” She laughed. “I suppose that is a requirement of being a captain. There is a strength to your voice, a quality that inspires confidence and trust. This is what makes you a natural leader.”
He grinned at her. “I shall become quite full of myself if you keep this up. Is there something you don’t like about my look or my voice?”
She reached up and rested her palm against his cheek. “The bristles of your beard. You may start out the day clean-shaven, but by the end of it, your cheeks are rough. I don’t consider it a fault. I rather like it, if you must know. As for your voice, I think if you were ever angry with me, I might find it frightening. Well, that’s about it. This is the best I can do. Shall I move on to the next sense?”