“You’re right. We’re just in the way. I’ll get Ady’s things and straighten up the mess. You go tell Gus we’ll check in on him later.”
That’s when the front door opens.
Keith, Casper LaCroix, and Naomi Kent step over the threshold. Naomi’s eyes meet mine and the tears instantly start leaking. She’s here though. Whatever Keith said to her, it worked. And I can’t blame her for the way she yelled at Gus. Viola would have eviscerated me if the roles had been reversed.
Viola kisses my chin and removes herself from my arms, heading back into the living room to try to wrangle our four-year-old.
Naomi crosses the small space and stands before me, stuck in the middle between Gus’ kitchen and the living room where Viola is trying to calm Ady down and clean up the mess she made. Keith walks over to try and help Viola, scooping Ady up into his huge arms and chest while pretending to eat her like he’s a bear.
Naomi’s eyes hold mine as she says, “I can’t take any more heartbreak.”
And for once, I think I understand someone’s psyche completely.
Because Viola is sunshine and rainbows. It’s why I love her to pieces. I need that light like nothing else. And Gus is rarely ever serious because he cannot handle being so. But when he is, it’s such a powerful weapon. One that rattles you because you know it’s not who Gus feels comfortable being. He’s a warm breeze on a cold day. A respite from the storm.
But Naomi has a darkness born in tragedy, guilt, and heartbreak.
So, I get Naomi. I understand her.
And for the first time, I recognize how Viola is Gus and Naomi is me. Counterparts that fit together like a perfectly matched puzzle.
“I love him, but…”
I take her hand and lead her into the kitchen, away from all the curious ears and eyes. She’s going to be my family. I feel it in my blood because no one, and I do mean no one, else could be with Gus the way Naomi is. He needs her as much as she needs him.
Despite all that, I see her wariness. Her destructive unease.
She needs reassurance that Gus won’t annihilate her.
It’s weird, but I can give her that. Like speaks to like after all.
“I have very few truths I can give you with absolute certainty.”
She swallows and nods. “Okay. Let’s hear ’em.”
“I look at Adalyn and I instantly feel this swell of love and pride. Every single time. That’s my standard, right? My go-to.” Naomi shrugs at me. Like she’s not understanding, and I get that. But she will. Patience, I’m learning, is not her thing. “But then I have these moments that consume me. That make me feel dark and awful. That have me questioning what sort of parent I am and if I’m good enough or up to the challenge. Ady will throw something and refuse to pick it up. Ask for something to eat and then refuse to eat it. Hit me and punch me and kick at me for no reason I can discern other than she’s frustrated with something and cannot articulate it. She’s impossible to navigate when she’s like that. Maddening is the word that comes to my mind most often. Sort of like Gus.”
Naomi laughs softly, biting down on her lip to hold her emotion at bay.
“But I love her. She is my blood. My life. The beat behind my heart. And without her, I just don’t work. Hell, I wouldn’t fucking exist. But that doesn’t mean I don’t cry or fall apart sometimes. That doesn’t mean my insides don’t quake with fear or ache in despair. How do you parent a child who does not want to be parented? Who is stubborn and willful and tests every single limit and shred of patience you have?” I pause here, meeting her eyes head-on. “How do you continue to take the risk when this sort of fear eats away at your insides like a cancer?”
Her breath comes out in a choppy stutter. Because I think that right there, that’s her question.
How do you continue to love someone, to put everything you are on the line when you’re so fucking afraid?
“It’s easy,” I tell her. “You just do it. Because Adalyn is my girl. Because I love her. And I would not trade her or change her. Even when she pushes me past my breaking point. Because I cannot live my life without her, and she is worth all the risks. She is my reward. The happiness that breathes life into my dark soul. She is worth the ride, the uncertainty, every ounce of fear, because the high I feel when I’m with her is a million times greater than all that other stuff combined.” I tilt my head in her direction. “You feel me?”
Tears streak down Naomi’s already tear-streaked face. She swallows impossibly hard before nodding. “Yeah. I feel you.”
She smiles and with it, I can see some of the heaviness that had been clouding her start to dissipate. “Thank you.”
And with that, she blows past me, heading directly for Gus’ bedroom.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Gus
* * *
Fingers glide gently through my hair, stirring me out of a heavy slumber. My eyes slowly open, blinking a couple of times as I adjust to the light. Naomi’s sweet face covers my field of vision and I blink some more, wondering if now I’ve reached the hallucination phase of this trip.
She smiles, taking that hand that was in my hair and running it over my jaw. “Hi,” she whispers, her red-rimmed eyes trailing across my face, every inch of it. “How are you feeling?”
I lick my dry lips and shift, rolling onto my back so I can see her better. “Um. Better now,” I laugh, the sound rusty. “You’re really here? I’m not dreaming this?”
She shakes her head, trying to smile and failing miserably.
She’s a mess. Her cheeks are red and streaked. Her hair wild. Lifting my hand, I brush back some of the dark strands clinging to her wet face, and the moment my skin touches her, a small sob stumbles its way out of the back of her throat.
“No, baby. Don’t cry. I’m okay. You’re here, so I’m okay.”
She cries a little harder, her face dropping into my neck. Reaching up, I wrap my arms around her, tucking her into me and kissing the top of her head. “I’m so sorry, Naomi. I have no idea how you’re here right now, but I am so fucking happy you are. I don’t remember a lot, but, damn, I’m so—”
“Shhh,” she interrupts, pulling back to meet my eyes. “Don’t. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“How on earth do you figure that? I hurt you. Something I promised both of us I wouldn’t do. And worst of all…” I attempt to swallow past the thick lump in the back of my throat. “Jesus…” I can’t even say it. That woman. That fucking woman. “I was drugged, Naomi. That woman in the picture drugged me. I have no idea why she did to me or what she was after or what’s going to happen next.”
That picture Naomi sent me was nothing if not incriminating. This woman could say a hundred things and get away with all of them. And she could say I willingly took whatever drugs were given to me. I seriously might be a special type of fucked with this.
“You don’t have to worry about that.”
“Naomi,” I warn because I have no idea if she realizes how serious this all is.
“I yelled at you.”
I shake my head at the rapid switching of gears. “I don’t blame you. I would have lost my mind if I had been you.” God, she’s really here. “Come here.”