“Why are you being like this? You know the rules better than me. You know I have to do as I’m told, and it isn’t as though I’m the only girl you were sleeping with.”
“You don’t know shit, and I don’t remember you caring about the rules when you were running around with me. I doubt what happened in that shack was permitted.” His nostrils are flaring and his hands keep clenching and unclenching at his sides. He can’t be.. shit, is he angry?
“I lost my way Tom, I forgot who I was. I got so caught up in all the attention I was getting and the time I spent with you. I forgot that this could all go away with the click of a Harkwright’s fingers. So yeah, I may not have cared then, but I can’t let that happen again.” My chest is heaving and my breathing has become more rapid, but I guess that is to be expected. “Also, there may be a lot of things I don’t know, but I saw you. With Eight. I shouldn’t care, I know that. Just like I know I’m not allowed to be jealous, but my head and heart don’t want to get with the program.” The next time you think you have something else to say, just keep your mouth shut.
I watch as he walks over to the door and grips the handle, I can see the way his back has tightened and his clenched jaw.
“I don’t know what you think you saw, but you were wrong. I haven’t been with anyone else for weeks, God knows I’ve tried. I’m addicted to you, Luna, and I’m not ready to get you out of my system.” He walks out and I’m glad.
I have no idea how someone is supposed to respond to something like that.
Five minutes. That’s all that has passed since he walked out. Am I supposed to go after him? No, do not go after him. I went after Aeron though, doesn’t that mean I should go after him? Let him go, follow the rules and stop chasing after the Harkwrights. Do the right thing and go after the one person who matters in this place.
I don’t often listen to my alter ego, but she’s right. I need to make things right and my first step; apologize and grovel like hell to D.
I can do this. The worst she could do is close the door in my face. Or slap you, I’d probably choose the latter. Yeah, that really isn’t helping. I just need to pull on my big girl panties and go over to her room.
I walk over there and my hand hovers over the door, one inch away from knocking and announcing my presence. Why am I hesitating? I don’t think she will hit me and honestly, that isn’t why I’m holding back. What if she doesn’t want to be friends anymore? What do I do then? Shit, what do I do about Jake?
No, you cannot make this about him. Don’t do this for selfish reasons, Luna, be the girl your mom raised you to be. Kind, considerate, and a damn good friend.
The knock sounds so loud to my ears. I know it isn’t, but it feels like it could be heard from miles away. Please open D, please. One minute, two, three. No answer, I guess she must be out. I have no idea what to do now; I did not plan for this. Should I go back to my room? Wait? On second thoughts, standing here, just waiting for her to come back, may be a little weird.
I walk back into my room and flop down on my sofa, feeling more than a little disheartened by my whole plan falling apart. Although… maybe this has worked out for the best. There is something else I could try.
I pull out my pad of paper and my trusty pen, and try to work out what it is I need to say. She could ignore the attempt. She may not even bother to glance at it before throwing it away, but at least I can say I’ve tried.
D,
I don’t know if doing it in this way is cowardly; I did come over, but you weren’t there and I can’t put this off any longer. You were right; I haven’t been a good friend, and I think I lost myself for a little while. I got swept up in all the attention and I think I started to view myself as being someone who was untouchable. I became the person I don’t even like. I should have been there for you more and tried to convince you to talk to me. I don’t think it was all born out of selfishness, I don’t want to make excuses, but I have no idea how to do this whole ‘best friend’ thing. I thought it was wrong to push you, I’m sorry. I don’t want to lose you, you’ve been nothing but a great friend to me and I’ve lost count of how many times you have been there for me and supported me.
Honestly, you’re probably way too good to be friends with a girl like me, but I don’t want to let you go. Selfish, too freaking right, but I’m no idiot. Not usually anyway. I have some things I need to tell you, but more than that, I just want to listen. To anything you are willing to share, I hope we can go back to how we were. Or maybe something even better. I love you, girl; I hope I haven’t left it too late. I won’t bother you again, and I get it if you have washed your hands of me. I’ll hate it, but I will respect your decision.
Lu
I post it under her door and disappear back through mine. I guess now it’s just a waiting game. Hopefully, Tucker will be back soon and I can ask him for a favor. That doesn’t seem any easier than trying to fix things with D. Will things ever be easy?
Tucker is here, and I can’t bring myself to ask him. He’s tucking into the pizza I made, and I’m just sitting here. Not saying or doing anything. This feels so fucking awkward, I just hope he isn’t picking up on it, and it’s all inside my head.
“Okay, what are you thinking about? I can hear your mind whirring from here.” Definitely not in your head.
“There’s s-s-something I wanted to ask you.” I’m chewing on my bottom lip, and he looks down at the action before returning his attention to the pizza.
“Then ask.”
Okaaay.
“I was wondering if I could call my mom, please? I need to ask her something and I don’t know how else I can do it.” Okay, I need to stop talking now. Don’t start rambling.
“Okay, but don’t ask again.” His tone is cold as he pulls his phone out and passes it over. He doesn’t even open it up to her number. He’s trusting me to do it myself.
I can’t even begin to explain how much this means to me, I won’t allow it to go to my head though. That never seems to end well.
She answers on the third ring and a huge sigh of relief escapes free, as her voice fills the phone line.
“Luna bean, I can’t believe you’re calling me. How are you, baby?”
“I’m good, mom. How are you, and how is work going?” I can’t rush into it. She deserves better than that.
“I’m okay, baby. Tired but the extra money is helping me. Work is, well, it’s work. I’m only at the diner now though, I left the bar. I know how much you hated me working there, so I left while I could.” She seems happy, I guess I just have to trust that she is.
“I’m glad, mama. I just want you to be happy. Um, there’s something I wanted to ask you, but I feel weird doing it.” My teeth worry my bottom lip and Tucker frees it with his thumb, before pinching it and my breath falters.
“Luna bean, you can ask me anything.”
“I want to find my father and I was hoping you may know something, anything that could help me.” The line is quiet, and I wish I could have done this in person.
“I don’t know a lot, there was no name on your birth certificate and no one who spoke to the police gave any name up. All I remember is hearing you talk to your teddy about how much you missed him and your uncle. Damn, what was his name?” It’s rare for my mom to curse, even a minor one like that. Although, she could give me a name. That could help a lot.