I’m so fucking hard I couldn’t stop myself now if I tried. I have only one goal now and that’s getting off. I grab the body wash and pour some into my hand, rubbing them together as she watches me.
I start at my chest, lathering up, transfixed on her as she watches me, her hand sliding over her stomach, biting her bottom lip.
I fist my cock, seeing her hand disappear between her thighs and sliding down. “Are you wet for me, Viv?”
“Mmmm . . . yes.” Her head nods once before she lets her head fall back, her fingers working over her clit. I slide my hand over the length of my cock, utterly fascinated by the sight of her on the bench, her legs parting further.
I watch as she brings her free hand to her breast, squeezing and getting lost in the ecstasy of it all. My own body tenses with the buildup, her soft whimpers and moans already threatening me over the edge.
I want to finish inside of her. It takes everything inside me to keep my feet planted where I stand under the water as my hand continues to jerk my cock swiftly, just needing this to end.
Needing the burst of pleasure only she can create inside me but knowing that she also causes me more pain than anyone else.
She brings one leg up on the bench, giving me a far better view and pulling a deep groan from me. “God, I wish it was your fingers inside me right now.”
“Fuck, Viv.” My hand speeds up, and I feel how close I am to coming. I can barely growl out the words to her, “Are you close?”
Her eyes lock on mine. Her breathing is erratic, and her voice is also strangled. “Yes. So close.”
Her head leans back against the glass as her fingers move faster and her sweet whimpers get louder and louder. “Asher.”
When she moans my name and her toes curl, I lose it. Cum jets from my cock and down the drain as I wring out every last drop, both of us panting and unable to gain control of our bodies.
She stands on shaky legs before me, her eyes pleading with me to look at her, but I can’t. I look over her shoulder.
Not ashamed of jerking off in front of her but fucking horrified that she still has this type of hold on me after everything we’ve been through.
“Asher, look at me. Please.” Her voice is void of the confidence she had moments ago, and I still refuse to look at her.
How could I do this again?
I feel her hand ghost over my cheek, our skin not making contact. “Asher.”
Slowly I move my eyes to look into hers. “What?”
I watch her throat as she swallows. “Talk to me. We were friends once. We were lovers once.”
My jaw clenches. “No.” I glare at her, thinking about her going out with Sawyer and the day she left me behind. “Lovers implies there was love between us. You know what we were, Viv?”
I don’t miss the tears welling in her eyes, but she doesn’t let them fall. “What’s that, Asher?”
I grit my teeth, seething. “Bored little rich kids who enjoyed hot hookups. But that’s it. I was a convenience for you.”
Her arms wrap over her lower stomach, and she shakes her head. “That’s not true.”
“It is. I was every bit of the wrong you were looking for. You were bored, and I was there, adding a little bit of thrill to your mundane life.”
She looks horrified as she wipes one tear from her cheek, still shaking her head. “That’s not what we were. Don’t cheapen it. If I wanted that I could have just used the app on my phone.”
I step closer, our toes touching now as I lean down getting into her face. “That would have been far too easy.”
“I thought you said you were a convenience,” she snaps, and I see the fury building inside her.
“I was a convenient thrill. I was someone you could seduce who was already right in your home. The worst possible hookup, and it’s still fucking thrilling for you, isn’t it? Fucking with my head.”
She swallows a cry and sniffs as she wipes away another tear but squares her shoulders. “I’m not playing games with you.”
“No? What the fuck was this?” I gesture to the shower bench behind us.
She looks so hurt, but I don’t care. I’m done caring.
Why the hell did I allow this to happen?
“You wanted this just as bad as I did. This isn’t a game.”
I push the shower door open and step out, turning around to look at her. “Next time, have Sawyer finish you off. You’re fucking toxic to me.”
“At least he has the balls to touch me.”
Again my jaw clenches, and I'm actually worried I might break my teeth. “Yeah well, you have fun imagining that his hands are mine.”
I turn away from her, grabbing a towel, trying to get out of the bathroom before she says anything else to bait me, but I don’t make it.
“I don’t have to do that. You may think he’s your replacement, Asher, but nothing of yours has ever been on my mind when I’m with Sawyer.
She climbs out and wraps a towel around her, moving closer to me. I try to ignore her sweet scent.
“When I come with him, it’s his name on my lips.” She pushes past me, and I feel fucking sick to my stomach.
I move to the counter in the bathroom, planting my hands in front of me and staring in the mirror as she goes into her bedroom.
He can have her.
I feel sick. Like I might actually puke as Asher flees from my room, slamming the door behind him.
How can he say those things to me?
He really thinks that I just used him for a cheap thrill. That I didn’t really love him? He infuriates me. Telling me to have Sawyer finish me off next time.
Asshole.
I shouldn’t have done this. I should have just stuck to Sawyer because he doesn't try to hurt me. He isn’t vengeful and cruel. He’s been only kind and upfront. He at least tried to date me and see if there were any real feelings before running away scared.
Asher was petrified from the very beginning.
I’m so confused and angry. Something I thought would disappear when I left Kansas but has only multiplied.
But was Asher right? Is it the thrill I'm chasing?
Sawyer gets my heart racing too, just in a different way. Though I can’t deny the way Asher makes me feel. My entire body had an electric charge, and it was almost like muscle memory. My body knew exactly what to do to elicit the most pleasure from him without a hint of an actual touch.
The physical attraction between us is effortless, but everything else is mind-numbingly difficult.
I sit on my bed and sob now that he’s gone but keep myself quiet. I don’t want him to hear me. I don’t want to give him that satisfaction.
I have no idea how things got so screwed up.
He wouldn’t even touch me. I’m surprised he would even look at me. Without a doubt, he hates me.
And maybe I hate him too. I shouldn’t play dirty. I shouldn’t take the bait when he brings up Sawyer, but I couldn’t stop myself. I won’t be a doormat. But I don’t want to hurt him either.
I wipe my face when I hear my phone buzz and rise from my bed to grab it from my dresser. I smile when I see the picture Sawyer sent of Baz with a breakfast burrito in his hand.
Why can’t Sawyer and I be in love with each other? It would be so much easier.
I send a few heart emojis back to him and then get dressed. I walk cautiously out of my room and to the kitchen, relieved the only Sterling in here is Lola.