She’s sitting at the table going over something on her phone when her eyes lift and she smiles at me. “Morning.”
Wow, it is still morning. What a start to the day.
“Good morning.”
Oh no, Lola picks up on everything, and I can feel her gaze on me as I head for the coffee. “Are you okay?”
I nod, trying to plaster a fake smile on my face before turning to face her. “Of course.”
She stands up, walking closer to me, and I hope my hair and the higher collar of my blouse hide the hickeys on my neck. “Are you sure? You seem off today. Did Asher do something?”
Not to me. I only think it though. “No. I’m fine. Do you have anything for me to do today?” I desperately want to change the subject.
Lola is truly my best friend, an unlikely match, considering we met when I had already had Baz and had to tell Colt’s family he fathered a child right before he died. I don’t like telling her, and I also don’t think it’s appropriate.
She studies me but seems to be trying to stay out of things a little more these days and drops it. “Can Asher watch Sebastian today?”
That’s not a weird request. I work for Lola, and Asher is used to babysitting Baz. My throat goes dry just thinking about asking Asher for a favor. “Well, Sebastian is with Sawyer now.”
“What?” She smiles into the question but is clearly surprised.
“Yeah. He stopped by to bring him a present and ended up taking him to check out a house.”
She laughs. “Well, he’ll probably go into real estate, so it’s a good start.” She’s joking, but it’s not totally out of the question for that to be his career path either.
“True. I just hope he’s behaving.”
She waves that off. “Oh, Sawyer can handle him.”
“They’re supposed to be back in an hour and that was about an hour ago though. I can always ask Nora to watch him if you have work for me to do.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Why? Is Asher not home?”
“I’m here.” Shit. My entire body tenses at the sound of his deep voice coming from behind me.
I don’t turn to look at him, and I know Lola picks up on that. She catches everything. She passes me and walks to her brother, her voice calm and light. “Can you watch Baz this afternoon?”
My heart is racing, thinking about the shower and then afterward, the things he said. And now his sister is asking him to watch my son. I know he loves Baz and will never hurt him, but still, this is awkward.
“Yeah. No problem.” I turn to look at him, the sight almost painful. He’s not smiling, but he’s keeping his brooding to a minimum as he turns away from Lola and focuses on me. “When is Sawyer bringing him back?”
I clear my throat, trying to appear normal. I don’t want to discuss this with Lola. It’s too humiliating. “About an hour.”
He nods, totally casual as he walks to the table and grabs an apple from the bowl of fruit there. “Sounds good. I don’t have any plans today.”
He crunches into the apple and walks past me. “Thank you.” My voice is weak.
“No problem.” His eyes darken only slightly, but I don’t miss it as he walks out of the room, leaving my heart rate accelerated and my hands clammy.
“Oh no.”
Oh. No. I turn to look at Lola, who brushes my hair away from my neck and looks at the hickey on my neck. “Lola . . .”
I don’t want to talk about this.
She removes her hand from my hair, and I can tell she’s in a battle with herself. “Sawyer?”
She sounds almost hopeful. My eyes flutter, fighting to close and disappear, but I shake my head and look her straight in the eye. “No.” I rethink that. “Well . . . maybe. Shit.” She looks confused, one eyebrow raised. “It could have gotten worse from Sawyer this morning.”
Yeah. She thinks I'm a slut. Of course, she does. I kind of am. “Oh.”
Her pouty mouth forms an “O”.
I want to die.
“But it’s also from Asher?” She asks the question cautiously.
I nod my head. “From last night.” I groan, covering my eyes with both hands. “Oh, Jesus. You must think I'm a whore.” I drop my hands and look at her. “I am. My God. I don’t know what I'm doing. Every time I think I have things figured out . . .” I’m at a loss for words, and Lola takes both of my hands in hers.
“Stop that. Okay? You are not a whore.”
Bless her. She’s so kind. “Lola . . .”
She has her mind set though. “No. Look, I'm trying not to meddle much. You guys are adults, and I’m not your parent, but don’t ever belittle yourself. Don’t call yourself a whore or a slut or anything like that. Ever.” Her eyes portray how strongly she feels about this. “As far as I'm concerned, you’re my sister, and I’ll be damned if I let anyone talk bad about my family.”
I smile at that. I’ve never had anyone be so fiercely protective of me. “Still . . . I mean, you’ve only been with one man in your whole life. I can’t even say that about today.”
That makes her laugh, which is totally unexpected. Then of course, I end up laughing too but only briefly.
“Viv, you know how I feel about you and Asher, but it’s not up to me or anyone else. You guys have to work this out.” The last year has been an incredible one for Lola. She’s changed a lot, allowing the burden on her shoulders to lessen, letting go slightly. And it’s been beautiful to watch. “Still . . .” I look directly at her, waiting for her to tell me to stay away from him. “You aren’t committed to Sawyer, and you aren’t committed to Asher. You’re a free woman until some asshole steps up and claims your whole heart.”
I nearly choke on a sob creeping up in my throat. “You may be my favorite human ever.”
She laughs and pulls me into a comforting side hug, making me feel safe in a way I've never felt. The truth is, I've never been openly loved. Lola gives it so freely and so does her mother. “Right back at you.” I lean my head on her shoulder. “I didn’t have sex with anyone before Hayden because I didn’t want to. It was my choice. And it’s your choice to sleep with whoever you want to. Whenever you want to. No one has the right to shame you for that choice, just like no one has the right to shame me for mine. If you aren’t in a committed relationship, then I say do what you feel.”
I lift my head and look at her. “You’re very wise, Lola Sterling.”
She grins and shrugs her shoulders. “It’s a curse.”
I chuckle at that and wipe a tear away from my cheek. “I need to stay away from Asher.”
I can feel her relief, but I admire her not trying to tell me what to do. Lord knows I've had plenty of that in my life. My parents wanting nothing to do with me anymore is an absolute blessing. I haven’t talked to my mother in months and even then, she only called to make sure I wasn’t pregnant again.
Nice, right?
Lola doesn’t say anything. She only hugs me again and then gets back to business. “Okay. So I need you to go with Penelope to meet a woman who wants her house redecorated. I’m going to look at another hotel with Hayden. The crazy asshole is thinking about doing a total revamp of a shithole.”