“She’s attracted to you, basically.”
He grew excited again. “And she told you that you could share this with me?”
“No…”
His eyebrows rose.
“I’m in such a tough position right now. I can’t keep everyone’s secrets. I can’t be loyal to everyone. Shit is gonna hit the fan regardless of what I do, so I may as well just put everything on the table and let it happen.”
“Then what should I do?”
“Honestly, I get the impression it’s just physical for her right now. Because she said she would never act on her feelings because of Kat, so maybe a one-night stand would work, but then she would feel too guilty about it.”
He closed his eyes and dragged his hands down his face. “Jesus…”
“You can’t just go for her because Denise will turn you down. And you shouldn’t go for her unless there’s a chance it could be more than physical, because you’re hurting Kat for no concrete reason.”
“Then what the fuck do I do?”
I shrugged. “No fucking idea.”
He looked at the table as he sighed. “I…I’m really frustrated with this Kat situation. It’s been nine months since we broke up, and that shouldn’t stop me from being with the woman I really want—”
“Don’t be cruel. The way you feel about Denise…is the way Kat feels about you.”
He closed his eyes like that pained him. “Fuck.” I felt bad for betraying Kat, but I couldn’t keep all these secrets anymore.
“So, it’s not going that well with Jeremy?”
“It’s still early in that relationship.”
“So, what am I supposed to do?” he asked incredulously. “Never make a move on the one woman I want because the woman I don’t want who still wants me will get hurt?”
“I…I don’t know.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “You realize I can’t do that, right? I can’t just ignore the way I feel.”
“I know. So, we need to come up with the best way to do this.”
“Is there a best way?” he asked.
“I could talk to Kat…or you could talk to her.”
He shook his head. “I’m not gonna take her out for coffee and tell her I want Denise.”
“Okay, then I’ll do it.”
“Still…weird.”
“You guys date in private, and she finds out?” I asked. “That would be worse.”
“Yeah.”
This was so shitty, and I would be the one to take the most heat. “I think I should talk to Kat. Tell her that both of you have told me you’re into each other…and I’m going to pass that information on. But first, I wanted to give her a heads-up.”
“I guess that’s a good way to go about it.”
“And if she has a hard time with it, I can talk her through it, prepare her…et cetera.”
“What if she says she doesn’t want you to tell us?” he asked.
“I’ll make sure she doesn’t stick with that decision. That might be her initial response because she’ll be emotional, but she’ll see reason at some point. She’s not a selfish person, so she’ll get there.”
He nodded. “I appreciate your telling me. I know that must have been hard for you.”
“You have no idea.”
“And I appreciate that you’re doing everything you can to make it work out for everyone.”
“Yeah…”
“That’s the way I feel about you, which is why I think you need to work it out with Dax. Because he’s the best thing for you.”
Nine
Dax
“Happy birthday, motherfucker.” Clint clapped me on the back when we entered the club, one of the hottest strip clubs in the city. The cost to rent out a place like this had to be a million dollars just for the night, but Clint and the guys split the cost to give me the party of a lifetime.
Women danced on the poles, topless waitresses walked around, and a group of beautiful women immediately came to me and escorted me into a chair. A crown was put on my head, my favorite drink was served, and I felt like a king.
Clint and the guys took a seat. Clint reached into his jacket and pulled out a stack of twenties. “Fight for it.” He threw the bills into the air, and they cascaded down onto the floor. Girls got on their hands and knees and picked up as much cash as they could.
He pulled out a cigar and lit it, watching them fight like animals. “This is the life, isn’t it?”
I stared at him, watched the smoke rise from the cigar and reach the ceiling, watched the greed and surge of power in his eyes. The rest of the guys were thrilled, grabbing asses as they passed, wearing their suits that cost as much as a car. Loud music played, the girls remained on the stage, and the darkness swept over us all.
The sunlight came through the window and hit me right in the face.
I didn’t want to wake up, but the sun forced me to.
I opened my eyes and sat up, knowing the switch to the blinds was above the nightstand.
But I was boxed in on both sides.
A brunette on one side, a blonde on the other.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed through the migraine before I leaned over one of the strippers I’d brought home last night and flicked the switch.
She groaned then turned over so I wouldn’t be in her way.
I hit the switch then grabbed the glass of water there. I took a big drink but felt the headache pound anyway.
The shades hummed as they fell down over the windows, bringing the bedroom into darkness.
This headache wasn’t going to go away, so I crawled over one of the girls and got to my feet. I fished my phone from my pocket and then walked down the hallway. The rest of the penthouse was bright because there were no shades for all the windows, so I squinted as I made my way to the pantry and found the pills.
I swallowed them dry before grabbing another glass of water.
I leaned against the counter and drank it, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, feeling the soreness in my body because of all the crazy shit that happened the night before. I cupped my face and sighed before dragging my hands to my chin and letting them fall.
I stood in my twenty-million-dollar penthouse in the morning light, two gorgeous women in my bed, and felt empty, like I didn’t have anything at all. I had a lot to be grateful for, not a single reason to complain when my life was so much better than most, but somehow…it wasn’t enough.
My phone vibrated in my sweatpants.
I fished it out and looked at the screen.
It was Carson. Got plans tonight?
The bitterness in my mouth amplified when I heard her voice in my head. I could hear her excitement, her playfulness, like she was standing right behind me. Flashbacks of the previous night came back to me, the two women I pleased at once. There was no reason to feel guilty, but I did anyway. Sex was supposed to help me move on, but it only made it clearer that I hadn’t moved on at all. In fact, it was making it worse. Every time I was with another woman, I wanted it to be someone else. The physical intimacy couldn’t override the emotional attachment I’d formed with another person. The heart beat the brain—every time. No. Why?