That I was okay.
And it made me feel valid.
Even though part of me felt weak for even needing that external validation, I realized that he was just giving me what I couldn’t give myself at the moment. It wasn’t a competition, and no one was keeping score.
After my initial night off, I went back to work. I had a modified schedule, delegating where I could and trusting the people around me. Bennett and Rae stepped up in a huge way, making my reduced hours barely noticeable to the other staff. And like Jared, they didn’t coddle, letting me find my way through it with the best cheer squad in history.
Therapy helped too, talking things out allowed me some perspective I hadn’t seen before. It was refreshing, feeling that maybe I wasn’t totally crazy and that letting go of some of my thoughts wasn’t a defeat.
I still hadn’t really spoken to Hayden, feeling it was something I just needed to do. We shared a connection even though we barely knew each other. It had started with that conversation at the bar, and then solidified by being terrorized by the same man. Sure, we’d seen each other and had polite exchanges, but it wasn’t even close to what I needed to say to her. Not that there really had been the time.
Mack and Hayden got married quickly.
There was barely an engagement, the chief proposing to her at the hospital and then a speedy service at the City Clerk’s office as soon as she was out of bandages. It was followed by a casual reception at the pizza place not far from the stationhouse, which was amazing except for when Mack’s ex-wife turned up. Melinda was sprouting crazy like usual and Hayden had totally handled it in stride, shutting her down with a grace that had been so under appreciated.
Which only made my decision easier.
“Boss.” Bennett rapped at my door before letting himself in. “Hayden’s here.”
It was early, the club still not open, and Mack and Jared were both on duty. I’d wanted the opportunity to talk to her alone, asking her to meet me at the club early in the afternoon.
“Show her in, B.” I shuffled the papers at my desk, standing while I waited.
I’ll admit, I was a little nervous. There was no way to know if a trip back to Diablo might accidentally trigger her post traumatic stress, or if she’d just been too polite to stand me up. And that wasn’t even taking into account what I was going to ask, which on paper looked a little unorthodox.
Hayden smiled as she strode in, her new wedding rings shining almost as bright as her smile. “Hey, Presley, how are you?” Her arms opened, offering me a hug I wasn’t sure I deserved as I welcomed her into my office.
“Thanks so much for coming, Hayden. I’ll admit, I didn’t think about it until later that it might be hard for you to be here. And I want you to know that if at any time you’re uncomfortable, we can leave and go somewhere else.” It really had been an oversight, my invitation feeling more than just a little insensitive.
She pulled away, still wearing her grin as she took a seat. “I’m not uncomfortable. I liked being here, and before seeing Lewis in the parking lot, I’d been having a good time.”
Usually I went and sat behind my desk. It was a power move, the separation it afforded me giving me the upper hand as I strolled back, sat in my chair and assumed the position of authority. Which was a total mind fuck because sitting behind a desk didn’t give you any more power than if you didn’t. It was purely perception. But I didn’t do that with Hayden, taking a seat beside her instead. “I know you’re probably wondering why I’ve asked you here, and while I try to be more patient these days, I’d rather cut to the chase.”
She turned her head, looking at me with interest. “O-kay,” she laughed. “What was it you wanted to talk to me about?”
I took a breath, letting the air slowly expel from my lips. “I blamed myself for what happened to you. I felt that you were only here because I asked you to be, and if you’d waited for Mack at the station, you’d have never gotten shot.”
Her head shook, opening her mouth despite my raised hand trying to stop her. “I could argue it was my fault. I was out in the parking lot, Presley. If I’d stayed in the club, Lewis wouldn’t have had the opportunity. Or we can blame the walls, their inability to allow a signal to travel through them making it so I had to step out. Hell, we can even blame the mafia or whoever it was that he owed that money to. If they hadn’t been threatening his life, he wouldn’t have been so desperate. But do you know the only person I blame?” she asked, only continuing when I shook my head, “Lewis. He’s the one who decided to hurt us. He made his choices, and he could have walked away at any time.”
“I know,” I nodded, “it might have taken me a little longer than you to get to the same conclusion, but I know he is the only one that needs to be blamed. I’m in therapy in case you’re wondering. Extrapolating my thoughts with assistance is new to me, I’m more of a DIY kind of girl.”
She laughed, covering her mouth with her hand. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. But I love that you’re so matter of fact about it. And I agree, it shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of. I’ve been seeing someone myself, whatever helps, right?”
“Right, thank God mine doesn’t make me rake sand or talk about my childhood,” I chuckled. “And if I’d had to lay on someone’s couch and re-imagine my birth, I’d probably still be rolling my eyes. I mean, I can appreciate being woo-woo and all, but come on.”
“Well I’m glad we’re on the same page.” Hayden reached out and touched my hand. “And the club seems to be doing well. Mack said you barely took any time off, you must be exhausted.”
“Yeah, so remember how I said two minutes ago that I was impatient? Well, other than talking about Lewis and making sure you were okay, I had another reason for asking you here.” I smiled, unable to draw it out anymore.
Hayden dipped her chin, her brow scrunching in confusion. “And that would be . . .”
“A job offer, I want you to come work for me. Mack told me you left Target, so I think it’s the perfect time for you to join the team at Diablo.”
She laughed, assuming I was joking. “Me, in a club? You know how old I am, right? And that I have no qualifications other than some hospitality experience years ago. I really appreciate the offer, Presley—”
“So appreciate it and accept it.” I dismissed her rejection, refusing to accept it. “You’ll be running my inventory and taking over my compliance portfolios. I can train you on the software, and you can take some college classes online. I’m going to be opening a second site, and I can’t be in two places at once. I’m going to need someone I trust, someone willing to work hard and isn’t scared about a little uncertainty. And we both know you’re wasting your potential in retail, Hayden. I’d be an idiot to let you go get another job like that. For purely selfish reasons, of course.”
She eyed me with suspicion. “Purely selfish reasons, huh? You think I’m going to believe that?”
“If you think that I wouldn’t benefit from this deal, then you aren’t as smart as I gave you credit for. Think about it, I can hire and train you specifically for the role I need without having to break existing bad habits you got from another EA job. I also get someone I trust, which at this point is almost more important than anything else.”