As she walked to the door and opened it, Pearl turned around a last time. “Have you thought of names for your baby?”
“No. In France we use a name generator for the babies.”
She smiled. “Here we get to argue with the father of the child about what name to choose. At least that’s how it was for Khan and me. Nmen have a tradition of choosing names of strength and glory for their children, and even though I wanted Freya to be called Karla, she ended up being named after a goddess. Same with Thor. He’s named after an old god of thunder and strength.”
“Huh. You think Mason has names picked out already?”
Pearl looked to the connecting door. “Why don’t you ask him? We haven’t seen much of Mason these past days. Aubri is his twin and Indiana his best friend. It’s not easy for him.”
“I know.”
“See you tomorrow, darling.” With a soft smile, Pearl closed the door.
I sat for a while thinking about what she had said and then sounds from Mason’s room made me get up and place my ear against the wooden door. It sounded like he was pacing the floor. As I stood listening, sad-sounding music began playing at a low volume. Pearl was right; Mason was as sad about the situation as I was. Even though I was horrible at talking about emotions, I should go check up on him. Placing my hand on the door handle, I took a fortifying breath.
CHAPTER 28
Visit
Mason
My body was overheating, and my head was spinning out of control. Tearing off my socks and shirt, I paced the room feeling heavy with confusion and guilt.
My room, which had always been a sanctuary to me, now felt suffocating and claustrophobic. Aubri wasn’t going to come by like she usually did. She wouldn’t enter without knocking, or throw herself on my bed, bugging me to come spar with her. I would have welcomed her complaining about our parents or her telling me useless gossip right now, anything to know that she was safe.
All my life, I’d been raised to be Aubri’s protector and then she ended up sacrificing herself to protect me. I would have never allowed it if my child and Belle hadn’t been involved. After my initial shock that day in Rafael’s office, I had tried to talk Aubri out of staying. She had been firm that she wanted this opportunity to do something heroic. She had smiled and told me that securing the freedom of Belle and my unborn child would make her the coolest aunt ever. I’d been torn, and only Indiana’s assurance that he wouldn’t leave Aubri’s side made me finally leave Europe without my twin sister.
How could I ever repay my sister and our friend? It was because of them that my unborn child and the woman I wanted to spend my life with were now behind the door I kept passing every time I paced back and forth.
If Belle would just talk to me.
She had isolated herself and I had no idea how to address the sadness I saw on her pretty face. Picking up a small ball, I threw it from hand to hand but kept pacing.
I wanted to know if she had regretted her choice to come back with me. The rushed way we’d left her home country hadn’t allowed her time to say goodbye to her friends or even pick up more stuff from her apartment. The paintings on the wall that told a story of her life were still back there and I had no idea what would happen to them.
I should write Victor. Freya would know how to since she’d been responsible for communicating with the other delegations for this year’s summit.
Just thinking about Victor’s offensive words when he spoke about wanting to die rather than marry Freya made me growl. Turning, I smashed the small ball into the duvet on my bed. That fucker!
My nose itched and my eyes stung as I fought back tears of frustration. I never cried.
But the bombardment of thoughts showed me everything at once. From my sister staying in France, and Belle hiding in her room, to my mother’s panic attack when she learned about the mortality rate of Explorers. I tried to clear my head but the I was haunted by the disappointment in my father’s eyes every time he looked at me. All of it was ripping me apart.
How would I live with myself if Aubri or Indiana were injured or killed? I tore my hands through my hair and plunked myself down on the upholstered bench at the foot-end of my bed. After all that had happened, how would I explain to my parents that Belle didn’t even want to marry me?
Leaning forward, I sat with my elbows on my knees and my hands in my hair. If I had been a man of my father’s generation, I would have marched into Belle’s room and demanded that she marry me now that she was carrying my child. Hell, my father would have probably spanked her into submission if he were me. But I couldn’t do that. Belle wasn’t a Northlander woman like my mother who appreciated a strong and firm husband.
I had to be patient and gentle with Belle: something that was outside my expertise. I’d been raised to go after what I wanted. It drove me crazy to be this close to Belle and feel her distance herself.
A sound from the connecting door made me stiffen.
“Mason.”
I turned my head to see Belle standing in the doorway. She was wearing what looked like sleepwear. Her multi-colored socks were tugged up over her blue pajama pants and her top sported printed butterflies. With her long brown hair gathered to one side, she walked toward me. Her pace was slow as if she was approaching an animal that might snap out and bite her.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” She stopped in front of me and touched the cut on my cheek. “It’s healing.”
“Yeah.” I moved over and patted the seat next to me, silently asking her to sit down.
She complied and asked, “How are you feeling?”
“Hmm.” I bobbed my shoulders in a tiny shrug, unwilling to let her know how my head was exploding with self-blame and confusion. “What about you?”
Folding her hands in her lap, she looked down. “I’m sorry that you’ve been fighting with your family. And that Aubri had to stay in order for me to come back here. I understand if you regret our ever meeting.”
I let out a groan. “Don’t say that. Of course I don’t regret meeting you.”
“You’re upset.”
There was no use in denying what was obvious, so I nodded. “We’re all worried about what will happen to Indiana and Aubri.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
I sighed. “And I still haven’t told my family that you don’t want to marry me.”
She quietly stared at her hands for a long moment until she asked in a tone close to a whisper, “Mason, why do you want to marry me?”
“Because…” I swallowed hard and I tried to get the words right. “I know you think it’s because of the baby, and that I don’t love you, but that’s not true. Remember at the welcome reception when we had that fight? I didn’t want Jones to write you because I was sure you’d break his heart?”
She lifted her gaze and met my eyes. “Yes, I remember.”
Shifting in my seat, I bared my soul to her. “The truth is that I didn’t want you to look at him the way you’d been looking at me for years. I wanted you to myself, Belle.”
“That makes no sense.”
“I know.” I groaned again and ran a hand through my hair. “It’s hard to explain.”