Did women actually shout multiple yeses if they weren’t making an adult film? I’d never done that in my years of shagging.
“Yes! Yes! Oh, baby!” she whined followed by a long, drawn out scream. “OH GOD, YES!”
Apparently so.
Primal grunts, growls and other various animalistic noises continued along with the squeaking and thumping. My light fixture continued to sway and a few pieces of plaster fell onto my forehead.
“Oh, fuck, oh, fuck,” the low voice was back in play. “God, that pussy feels good.”
I groaned, pulled the pillow over my head and screamed into it.
The woman getting boinked above me let out one final high pitched squeal. I was shocked that all the dogs in the neighborhood were not howling.
And finally, at long last, a long, drawn out, heavy squeak, followed by panting. They were finally done.
Thank fuck.
Even though my well had been very dry, I wasn’t a prude. I understood the need for two people to just bang it out. Nothing wrong at all with getting a bit of action. Lord knows I wasn’t getting any, so cheers to my neighbors. Hell, I’d been alone for so long that I’d named my vibrator. Johnny, after The Outsiders character since my vibrator was gold in colour, and it just so happened to be my favorite story of all time.
Stay gold, Ponyboy.
As I said, not a prude when it came to shagging, but I had a big problem with it when it was happening right above my head. Especially for the third night in a row and for seemingly what felt like a marathon session of sex.
I rolled over, curled to my pillow, and a contented sigh left my lips. Blissful silence.
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Footsteps across the floor, then nothing for several moments.
Flush.
Blimey. Go. The fuck. To sleep.
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.
CRASH! Glass breaking. Yeah. This was New York. It’s a noisy city. And even though my complex was newly renovated, the older building still had paper thin walls and ceilings. Not this bloke’s fault. But bloody hell, it was two in the fucking morning.
Muffled voices followed along with more footsteps as the two of them scurried to clean up the mess of whatever one of them had broken.
Finally, after several excruciating more minutes, it was quiet again except for a very soft murmur. A little pillow talk, it seemed. That, I could live with. I rolled over and closed my eyes.
Then, giggles.
For the love of all that is holy, please stop.
Another moan.
Oh god. No. Please no. Not again.
More moaning. More mewing. More purring. More groans.
That was it. I was going to kill them.
I could just see the headline now. Kennedy Murphy, age twenty-nine, was arrested just days after moving from London to New York City on a work visa. Murphy is accused of murdering her upstairs neighbor and his lover.
Justifiable homicide, if you ask me.
All I’d have to do is play them an audio recording of what my ears had been privy to. No jury in their right mind would convict me.
Squeak. Thump. Squeak. Thump.
As annoyed as I was, I was also oddly fascinated, and impressed, that he was able to rally so quickly for round two.
Squeak. Thump. Squeak. Thump.
Well, here we go again.
I debated getting up and unpacking a few more boxes, since sleep was obviously NOT happening. But instead I got a wicked idea. Revenge. Two could play at this game.
I threw off my covers and grabbed my phone. My clever little brain ticked through a list of the worst possible songs to shag to, then, brilliantly, it came to me. Connecting to my Bluetooth speaker, I turned “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” from Toy Story on full volume.
Then, I gleefully kicked back on my bed, stared at my ceiling, and waited for the drama to unfold, hoping that my song choice would make the bloke go flaccid.
The swaying of my light fixture stopped. Still, I let the song play to the finish, lest they rally. When it ended, I listened. A little bit of arguing going on. A lovers quarrel.
Sorry, not sorry.
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Slam.
And they were done. The sweet sound of nothingness.
Feeling quite pleased with myself for effectively ruining their night as much as they ruined mine, I finally rolled over and went fast to sleep.