38
Half Of Me
Perry- Then
My sentencing is today. My attorney said that due to the nature of the crime—and my prior criminal record—I would probably get the maximum. Sean turned eighteen last week, and usually that wouldn’t matter, but there seems to be some extenuating circumstances that are in my favor. The secretive nature of them is what worries me the most.
Last week Mack had to go in to sign a statement preventing her from ever speaking or seeking charges for the alleged incidents. Incidents? I’m pretty sure I only beat him half to death once, I can do it again if they need accuracy.
My parents are the worst. They’re convinced I destroyed my future because I couldn’t keep my temper under control. If they would have seen what he did, maybe they would have a different opinion. But that’s my life I guess. I’m always the bad guy no matter how much I try to do the right thing.
Sloan’s been by my side ever since I made bail about a month ago. There’ll be no trial. With outside deals in place, there will be no need for it. I pled guilty and get five years with the option for parole in eighteen months.
I’m adjusting my court tie in the mirror while Sloan watches me from the edge of my bed. Tears are stained on her cheeks and I doubt either one of us slept for shit last night. Every time I tried to roll away a little or get up to go to the bathroom, she gripped me tighter. She’d whisper how much she loved me and how she couldn’t bear to be apart even for a moment. We even showered together—that part I liked. Seeing Sloan this upset though, guts me. It really doesn’t seem fair that I have to lose everything while he gets to walk away, not only free, but living the dream playing for Yale next year. Not that football has ever been a dream of mine, but it’s something only a handful of people get to achieve and that fucking piece of shit shouldn’t be one of them.
I shrug on my suit jacket and Sloan stands to help me with the buttons. I’m pretty sure I don’t need help, but I think she just needs a reason to touch me. She kisses me after fastening each button and when she finishes she slips her tongue in my mouth and locks her arms around my neck. Her kisses are urgent, like she’s banking them up for the next five years until she gets to be close to me again. I allow her to continue, gripping the fabric of her dress that bunches in the small of her back to bring her closer. When I pull back, she pouts, her lips swollen.
“Baby, it’s going to be okay,” I whisper.
Her eyes are desolate and she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she leans into my chest and places her ear over my heart. Her arms wrap around my waist next and I can feel my own emotions slowly slipping out. I fight a tear and rest my head on hers.
“I love you, Sloan. You understand why I did what I did, right?”
She nods into my chest but doesn’t look up.
“And I understand if you can’t wait for me. Five years is a long time and you’re so…”
Her head perks up immediately.
“So, you think I would leave you?”
I shake my head. “I’m just saying that I would understand if you did.”
“How can you say that?” she whispers. “How can I possibly imagine a life without you in it?”
It’s true Sloan and I have had our fair share of separation, but we’ve never really been apart. Even when we were broken up, I still saw her, talked to her, occasionally had sex with her—either way, together or not, we always remained somewhat intact.
She grips the lapels of my jacket. “It’s not fair to have you ripped away from me like this. I don’t know who I am without you.”
I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and kiss her once. “Sure you do. You’ll finish school and get a job. Time will fly by.”
She cries harder. “But what about you? You were supposed to do those things and now you can’t. You’ll never been able to get into a good school or get a decent job with a felony on your record. This wasn’t supposed to happen.” She buries her head back into my chest. “You don’t deserve this. You’re a good person, Perry.”
It’s sad to say that this is probably one of the only times she actually told me she thought I was a good person. For so many years the way she spoke about me and our futures made it seem like she thought I was a nobody and that’s all I’d ever be—and now, now she believes in me. Too bad it’s too late.
Sloan drives me to the courthouse, and my parents and Mack follow. Typically, I’m the one who drives her car when we go places, but today I don’t think I can. I’ve been chain smoking and staring out the window at the town I won’t see for such a long time. I watch neighbors walk their dogs and have morning runs. I see store owners put out fresh flowers and signs for the upcoming summer events. All of which I’ll miss. I’ll be locked in cell and if I’m lucky, will get an hour or two of daylight each day. There will be no Sloan, no Walker, and most of all no Tess to talk to.
I love Sloan with all my heart, but being apart from Tess will be the hardest. She’s two years younger than me, tiny as hell, but she’s still my rock. When my world feels like it’s crashing, she always finds a way to fix it or is fully prepared to burn in flames with me—no questions asked. She’s my ride or die and I wouldn’t trade her for anything. I know she’ll be okay. She has Walker.
Sloan won’t have anyone. A few of her girlfriends went to State with her, but for the past year she’s spent most of her time with me. We finally reached a place where things were turning out like they should be and now that’s all gone. It was worth it though. I’d serve two life sentences if it meant that son of bitch could never hurt my sister again.
When we pull into the parking lot beside the grand stairs leading to the courthouse, Sloan keeps her hands on the steering wheel. She remains motionless for a moment and I reach over and shut off the ignition.
Her eyes flick over to mine, hazy and not quite focused. I grab her hand and bring it my lips. “We have to go in soon, baby.”
“I know,” she whispers. When she closes her eyes a tear slips down her cheek.
I catch it with my thumb and kiss her softly. Moving my lips below her ear, I speak as gently as I can. “You may think things are pretty bad, but not everyone is as lucky as me. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you and that alone will get me through this.” I kiss her neck and move back to her face to kiss her lips. “You will always have half of my heart with you no matter what you do or where you go. It’s yours forever, Sloan.”
A sob racks through her. “I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay here with me.”
I stroke her cheek with my thumb. “I know, baby. I’m so fucking sorry.”
She unfastens her seatbelt and crawls into my seat with me. I pull her dress down in the back so she doesn’t give anyone else a show and hold her close. She cries silent tears into my chest as I rub small circles on her back.
“Sloan, I’m not sure I want you to wait for me.”
She stiffens in my arms, pulling herself up to face me. “What? Why?”
I fix the hair around her face. “I hate the sadness on your face right now. It would kill me to know you’re walking around like this for the next couple years.”