“I’m sending a message to Robby. Your body will deliver it.”
I thought when it happened I might beg, plead—do something. But in the end, only one word leaves my lips.
Tess.
40
Nothing But Trouble
Perry- Now
My brain hurts. What could possibly be left that Walker didn’t tell me? I rub a hand over my jaw while Robby waits for a response, a slightly amused expression on his face.
“What did he do?” I ask finally.
Robby smiles. “What didn’t he do?” He leans against the counter as if we’re having a friendly chat. “Your boy fucked up a lot of shit when he got taken out. He never made the last drop and I have yet to recover it.”
I laugh. “That’s your fucking problem. I’ve been done for a while now.”
“You could look at it that way,” he says, standing up straighter. His eyes narrow when they meet mine. “Or you could be smart about this and see that it is your fucking problem. We find the guy that murdered Walker, we find my money, and as a bonus I’ll let you kill him.” He shrugs. “Your choice.”
My teeth clench together so tight they almost crack. After a quick glance to the stairs, I turn back to him. “All right. What do you want me to do?”
His smile widens. “I thought you’d see things my way.” He pats me on the shoulder and turns for the door. “We’ll be in touch.”
The bell clangs as he exits and I release the breath I was holding. My insides are so twisted I feel like I’m going to be sick. I clasp my hands on top of my head and inhale slowly through my nose. A door slamming causes me to jump. I turn around to a very angry-looking Tess.
She seethes at me from the foot of the stairs. “You’ll be in touch? What exactly is that supposed to mean?”
My chest caves in around my lungs and I can’t breathe for a moment. I don’t want to lie to her, but I also know that Walker didn’t tell her everything. Laundering money was only part of it. He was still dealing on the side. The last thing I want to do is tarnish his memory more. She doesn’t need that. I want to her to remember the good in Walker, not his biggest downfall.
I shake my head. “It’s not what you think…”
“Oh my God, Perry!” she cries, throwing her hands up. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve heard that?” She takes a step closer, her hand shaking as she points her finger at me. “Do not lie to me. I swear I will throw you out right now and never speak to you again.”
The lump in my throat tightens. “Tess,” I say calmly. “I need you to listen me. Can you do that for a moment? Please.”
I place a hand over my heart, breathing heavier than normal. Her shoulders shrug slightly, but her face remains rigid.
I take another shallow breath. “I feel responsible for what happened to Walker, and you can say whatever you want about it not being my fault, but I know otherwise. It started because of me.”
Her brows knit together, but I keep going.
“It was unintentional at first, but it was my idea to keep going through the summer. After that,” I pause, shaking my head. “We were already in too deep. It just kept snowballing until I couldn’t pull us out anymore.” I take a step closer to her, longing to touch her—but I hold back when I see the anger still on her face. “This is all because of me.”
A tear slips down her cheek. “You’re lying. Don’t protect him because you think that’s what you need to do.”
“I’m not.”
She bites her lip to keep it from trembling. “I don’t believe you.”
I shrug, throwing my hands out to my sides and then letting them fall. “It’s the truth and now I need to finish this.”
“How?” she breathes.
“I promised that I wouldn’t lie to you.”
“So, you’re not going to tell me anything?”
Every muscle in my body is tense as I stare back at her. No matter what I do, I’m going to hurt her. I’ve sacrificed my own integrity so fucking much to protect Walker and I know I need to do it one last time.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. My voice is broken as I reach forward and cup her cheek with my hand softly. “I fucking can’t.”
She turns her eyes away from me, swallowing back a fresh set of tears. “Nothing you do can bring him back.” Another one falls when she looks back at me. “And I can’t watch you kill yourself trying.”
My heart pounds so hard I can feel it in my throat. “What are you saying?” I press my forehead to hers, gripping her arms. “Don’t make me choose.”
“I lost you once and it nearly broke me. It felt like a part of me was missing, and I hated it so much. You promised you wouldn’t leave again.”
With determination, I grab both sides of her face so she can see the sincerity in my eyes. “I’m not leaving.”
Tess shakes her head. “Anything that Robby wants you to do won’t end well.”
“You have to trust me.”
She inhales a sharp breath and pulls back from me. The hatred in her eyes catches me by surprise. “The last time someone told me that they didn’t come back.”
My heart literally feels like it’s about to tear straight through my chest. She wraps her arms around herself, still trembling and unwilling to accept my reasoning.
“It won’t be like that for me. I’ll come back.” I look her dead in the eyes, willing her to believe me—to give me a chance to make this right.
After only a brief moment of contemplation, she shakes her head firmly. “No.”
“No?”
“I want you to leave.”
My stomach drops further and I take a step. She counters me and shifts toward the stairs again.
“You don’t mean that.”
“I do,” she says, her voice firm. Her hand points to the door, steadier than it was moments ago. “Just go, Perry. I warned you what would happen, and you didn’t listen.” She lowers her hand and continues to glare in my direction. “And now I’m done. I’m so fucking done with this and since you insist on being a part of it, I’m done with you too.”
When I make a move to reach for her again, she shoves me in the chest and I stumble back. “Get out!”
Pulling my hands back, I take a shaky breath. “Okay, I’ll go.” As I move for the door, she doesn’t wait for me to leave. Her footsteps rain up the stairs until they disappear. I can’t think about anything right now except for what I have to do. There’s nobody left to avenge Walker’s death, so once again, everything falls on my shoulders. The weight is crushing but I’ve been bearing it for so long I don’t remember what it feels like not to.
Three days and not a word from Robby—or Tess. I haven’t tried to call her either, but that’s only because I know her. I pushed her past the point of being rational and now I can only pray that when this all ends she’ll find a way to forgive me.
It’s actually not the only problem I have right now. Back when me and Sloan broke up every other week, there was a girl I used fill the void with. Stacy’s hot as fuck, but crazier than a shithouse rat. I know it was wrong, but I would basically just meet her somewhere, fuck her, and then send her on her way until the next time I felt lonely again. Was it a dick thing to do? Sure, but I was young and really fucking stupid.