Unable to take the look in her eye, I step forward and pull her into my chest. She wraps her arms around me so tight I struggle with my own emotions. Gently, I rub my hand down her back and kiss the side of her head.
“I love you, Sloan. Always, no matter what.”
A sob escapes her and then she whispers, “I love you, too.”
I hold onto her for a long time, even after she stops crying. I think I need it as much as she does. Loving someone the way I love Sloan changes you. Even after it’s over they still get to claim a piece of your heart that you never fully get back. I willingly let her keep it. Despite all the drama we went through, she saved me from myself so many times and she didn’t even realize it.
When I pull back, I run my thumbs under her eyes and smooth back her hair. “You call me when you get there. I want to know that you made it okay.”
She nods, holding onto my forearms. Still holding her face, I lean forward and kiss her forehead. Her chest heaves with a weighted sigh.
“Promise me that you’ll be safe. I worry about you,” she says softly.
I give her a small smile, walking backwards towards my car. “You don’t have to worry anymore. I promise.”
For the first time—I think I actually mean it.
Tess is quiet when I make it back to the shop. She’s like this every time I have any kind of contact with Sloan. She tries to play it off like it doesn’t bother her, but I know it does.
I walk through the door and she’s standing at the front counter. I waste no time making my way over to her and grabbing her by her hips. I lift her up to rest on the wooden top before planting my lips to hers. She hums into mouth and locks her arms behind me neck. Taking my time, I kiss her slowly, working my tongue through every inch of her mouth. When I pull back, she’s practically breathless.
“I’d like for you to greet me that way every time you come home,” she says, tracing my bottom lip with her finger.
I can’t help but smile. “Does that mean you want me to live here?”
Her face flushes and she tries to tuck her head down. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”
I silence her with another kiss. When I’m finished, I gently grab her chin so she can’t hide. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’d love to spend every day and every night with you.”
“Really?” she asks, her voice small.
I kiss her once more. “Really. You’re going to have a hard time getting rid of me now.”
A smile finally breaks across her face. “I can’t see a problem with that.”
“Good.” I rest my hands on her waist. “I don’t want you to ever worry that I’ll leave again. I won’t.”
“I know,” she says, running her hands along my arms.
“I haven’t always made the best choices, and God knows I tried, but I always looked out for you. You told me you wanted to be the reason for me to quit, but what you didn’t realize is that you’re the reason I’m still here in the first place. I was never meant to walk this world without you.” I cup the side of her face with my hand, looking directly into her eyes. “You know that, right?”
She nods and then whispers, “The same goes for you.”
My thumb runs across her cheek and my eyes focus on the tattoo on my wrist. We only have half of the puzzle left, but the pieces still fit together perfectly. I designed it that way. Even if a piece is missing, the ones that remain will still be whole as long as they have each other.
Her schedule is light today, so when she finishes early we take a drive. Every year since the accident, Tess and I visit Jeremy together on his birthday. Walker never came with us, at least not when I wasn’t in prison. It was something we did just her and I.
I thought I’d feel differently about coming back to the cliffs now considering what went down here a few days ago, but I don’t. It’s still the place I feel the closest to him and that will never change.
Tess holds my hand as we walk to the large rock at the edge of the cliff. I’m thankful she can’t see the images replaying in my mind. A part of me wishes I couldn’t see them either, but it’s a good reminder of the life I no longer want and the one I’m trying to make happen now.
She squeezes my hand. “He would have been twenty-three today.”
I give her hand a squeeze back before pulling it away to wrap my arm around her shoulder, tucking her into my side. “I’ll bet they’re up there celebrating. Causing all kinds of havoc.”
She laughs through her tears, wiping one with her fingertips. “Yeah, I bet you’re right.” She sighs. “I’m glad they have each other. If there’s one thing I can be thankful for it’s that Jeremy isn’t alone anymore.”
The lump in my throat grows tighter, so I can’t say anything back. It’s fucked up that we have to think that way, but it’s those kinds of thoughts that keep us from falling apart.
Tess pulls away from me and sets the flowers she’s holding down on the rock. There are several other bouquets and notes strewn around from other friends or people who knew him. It’s nice to know his memory is still strong.
I watch her as she kneels on the rock, one hand flat on the stone to keep her steady. She keeps her head down silently for a moment before looking up and whispering, “Happy Birthday.”
When she stands, I pull her back into my arms and kiss her temple. “That was nice, Tess.”
She nods, tears still falling down her. I lean back and place a quick kiss to her lips. “Will you give me a minute? I need to say a few things.”
With a smile, she kisses me once more. “Okay.”
I wait until she walks away before I take a step forward. Clasping my hands in front of me, I take in a breath.
“I can’t believe it’s been another year. Time moves so quickly when you don’t want it to. I wish that were the case when I was gone. Those two years lasted an eternity when I was away from Tess.”
A smirk crosses my face and I laugh. “I’ll bet you’re not surprised things turned out this way. I think you always knew my feelings were strong for Tess. I’m pretty sure anyone could have seen that.” I sigh. “But, I want you to know I’m going to take care of her. I know I already promised you I would, but it’s different now. I get to take care of her in a way I never thought I could and for the first time I’m looking to having a future.”
I take another step, getting closer to the edge. “And I want to give her everything. I want to give her a family that I never thought I deserved. I want to have children with her, and grow old together, and never leave each other’s side.” Choking on my words a little, I clear my throat. “That’s all I ever wanted, and now I get to finally have it.”
Blowing out a long breath, I pull the note I had written to him out of my pocket. Bending down, I set it next to her flowers. “This is for you.” I write him one every year, and although I know he’ll never read it, it brings me comfort to give it to him.
With a silent prayer, I step back from the rock and start walking back to Tess. She’s waiting patiently beside my car. She smiles when I get close enough.
Wrapping her arms around my neck, she leans up and kisses me. “You ready to go home now?”