Lowering the gun, I shake my head. “I can’t.”
Robby grunts in frustration. “Come on, Michaels. Point the fucking gun and squeeze the trigger.”
I shake my head again. “I fucking can’t.”
“Jesus Christ!” he groans, grabbing the gun from my hands. Before I even have a chance to process what’s happening, the gun fires and warm liquid spatters my entire face. When I look back to Robby, he’s as white as a sheet.
Something comes over me and I take a step closer to Sam’s body. It’s still half on the rock, dangling close to the edge. I kneel down to him.
Picking up the bottom of my shirt, I wipe the blood from my face. “There’s someone really important to me at the bottom of that cliff. He doesn’t deserve to be there, but I think you do.” I’m whispering even though the air around me is so quiet now you could hear a pin drop. “I would tell you to watch yourself on the other side, but I don’t think you get to go where they are.” I click my tongue, moving to stand over his body again. “And I’m not sure I will either.”
Without another word, I kick his body off the edge of the rock. It’s so far down you would never hear it hit the bottom. I start walking back toward Robby, his face still clouded in disbelief. I give his shoulder a rough pat on the way past. “I’m ready to go home now.”
For a moment, nobody follows me and I walk alone with my thoughts. Going home doesn’t have the same meaning anymore. Now there’s no Walker, and no Sloan, but most of all—there’s no Tess.
44
Heal
Tess- Now
I haven’t spoken to Perry since I left the hospital last night. Our conversation has been eating away at me ever since. I never left Walker alone in this, and yet, I did that to Perry. I’m terrified that decision will be the reason he gives in. He’s been fighting for so long to get straight and now he has nothing to keep him there. I think what hurts the most is that I couldn’t be that reason for him. It had to be his, on his own terms. I pray those terms don’t come at a cost he will never be able to live with. No matter what he says, I know he can’t.
Despite not sleeping or even having the ability to think properly, I’m fully booked today. It’s been like that since he left. His absence is everywhere and I’m trying to do anything I can to make it stop.
I’m working on a particularly large piece on a guy who won’t quit squirming. This is going to be a long day. That thought is immediately confirmed when the bell above my door rings, followed by the sound of heels clicking on my floors. I don’t have to turn my head to know who it is—I can smell Sloan from here.
“Perry’s not here,” I say over my shoulder. I catch her roll her eyes before I go back to outlining this massive eagle on my client’s back.
Her nails tap along my front counter, traveling back to me and sending angry chills down my spine.
“Tess,” she says, hesitation in her voice. “I need to talk to you.”
“I’m obviously very busy right now.”
Her heels float closer and I grit my teeth. She’s standing right above my shoulder. “This can’t wait.”
With a sigh, I set my gun down. I pat the guy on the arm that’s face down on my table.
“I’ll be right back. Take five.”
He nods as I stand up from my chair and motion Sloan out back. She follows and raises an eyebrow when I light a cigarette. “I thought you quit?”
I laugh, smoke blowing out through my nose. “Yeah, well if we’re all going to do bad things anyway, why shouldn’t I?”
Recognition flashes on her face and she wraps her arms around herself. She takes a deep breath. “Perry left the hospital last night and never came back. I went to his apartment and he’s not there either.”
“He’s a big boy, he doesn’t have a curfew.”
“This isn’t funny, Tess. He would never leave Mack if it wasn’t really important.” She pauses, running a hand through her hair and laughing bitterly. “And he’s not here, so I have no idea what it could be.”
I step closer and look her dead in the eye. “You and I both know what it could be.” I take another drag, blowing it out over her shoulder. “And I think you know what that is.”
“No way,” she says, shaking her head. “Perry would never start dealing again.”
My face remains stoic as she searches for something to tell her I’m lying. Maybe he’s not dealing, but he’s certainly still involved.
Her eyes fill with tears when she doesn’t find what she’s looking for. “I know you love him, and because of that I hope you see how serious this is.”
I scoff, tossing my cigarette to the ground. “I’ve had enough of this conversation.” I move to step past her and she blocks my path. “This is getting old, Sloan.”
This time, she gives me a hard stare. “I’m sure you know more than me and it wouldn’t surprise me.” She takes a breath when I step back and appear to be listening again. “But even I know something isn’t right. He always came home and now…” Her voice trails off and she starts to cry. “And now he didn’t. He didn’t come back, Tess.”
My own heart pounds as I picture dozens of scenarios where Perry doesn’t come back. It’s nothing new. I’ve been doing it since I was sixteen and nothing has changed.
I shrug. “What do you want me to do? He doesn’t listen to me either.”
She sniffs. “Yes, he does. Those things I said to you in street the other day weren’t true. It’s me that’s always been jealous.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
She shakes her head and then wipes under her eyes. “No, it’s not. I saw the way he looked at you, cared for you—the way he loves you is different than it is with me. It’s permanent. Nothing you can do will change that.”
I want to roll my eyes again, but I hold back because she looks so serious right now. “Same goes for you. That’s how he is.”
“No,” she lowers her eyes. “He doesn’t love me like that anymore. It changed when he was gone.” She looks up at me. “You can’t hurt each other the way we did and expect to make it through. I know it was more me than him so I know what he looks like when he’s in pain. That’s how he looked last night when I went to see him, but it was—it was much worse.”
My own heart takes another hit, throbbing and squeezing in my chest. I’ve seen it too, and what Sloan doesn’t realize is, I was the one who was always there to pick up the pieces. Now that it’s me doing it to him, I don’t know what he’ll do.
“Okay,” I say finally. “I’ll look for him. I think I know where he is.”
She smiles, but it’s sad. I’ve never really felt bad for her before, but right now I kind of do. I know how much it hurts to lose Perry and from the looks of her, I’d say it’s over between them for good. Even so, the fact that she’s still not wearing her engagement ring is bothering me.
I nod to her hand. “Where’s your ring?”