“Go to the kitchens and tell Millie I said to give you some salted meat. It helps. And don’t let any of the men shame you for falling over. Go on.”
Liam nodded and headed for the castle. Cam watched him to make sure he was well enough to walk, then turned to watch the water lap against the rocks. He didn’t need to look toward the sound of footsteps to know who soon approached him.
“If you’ve come to scold me for being too harsh on my men, I already know what an arse I am.”
Lach sat next to him. “Your men? I thought they were my men.”
Cam smiled and nodded, acknowledging the slip. “Whoever’s men they are, they’ll be far more impressive if I don’t wear them down to naught but bones.”
“I don’t think fighting is going to get her out of this.” Lach kept his gaze on the water, too.
Cam knew his cousin well enough to understand he did not mean they should surrender.
“You think Mari and I should run, then.”
Lach nodded. “We have ties to the Campbell clan through our mothers. Bryce is also a Campbell. Or perhaps it would be safer to leave Scotland altogether. Mayhap France?”
Cam swallowed back a refusal to leave his homeland. While it wasn’t the best option, he knew he would do it if it meant protecting Mari as well as his clan.
“Wherever ye decide to go, you’ll not speak of it with any of us. Afterward, there should be no letters or contact at all. Nothing that can tie you back to the clan. Don’t even tell Mari until you’re on your way. She’ll tell Kenna, and Kenna will want to check on her sister.”
Cam nodded, already feeling the chill of the self-imposed exile. “I agree. I’ll make the necessary arrangements.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Mari’s nightmares continued and grew even worse. Cam hated feeling helpless and wanted to help. But he didn’t think she’d shared all her fears. She was still holding something back.
When Lach gave orders for him to take his men to Skye to try to negotiate access to the sea through the McInnis lands, Cam asked the laird to send someone else.
“It is because of you we have no access to the sea through a McCurdy alliance. I need you to find us another viable port,” Lach said with his brows creased. “Why do you fret? Your wife is safe here. We’ll not let anything happen to her. Besides, you may find a way to board a ship easier if you make the connections beforehand.”
“I know. It’s just that she’s been having nightmares of late. I’m afraid my leaving will cause her more stress.”
“She’s married to the war chief. She’s going to have to face it sooner or later. Now seems to be the right time. And I have heard rumors that the McCurdy may try to take the McInnis clan. If we help them hold their lands against our common enemy, they may warrant an alliance. I’ll ask Kenna to keep Mari busy, distract her from your absence, but I need ye to do this.”
Cam let out a breath, knowing a protest would be in vain. He had a responsibility to his laird and clan. He had a responsibility to his wife as well, but his duty came first, whether his heart agreed or not.
Not wanting to upset her, Cam left the news of his departure until the night before he was to leave.
To his surprise, she only nodded. “I understand. I’ll look forward to your return.”
“That’s it?”
“I said I’d not beg a promise from you in the future. I know you have little say in what awaits you on the road, so I’ll not add to your burdens.”
“Thank you. But just because you haven’t asked for a promise doesn’t mean I won’t give you one.” He kissed her. “I promise you, wife, I will do all in my power to come home to you. And if the Almighty calls me home, I will be waiting for you at the gates.”
She kissed him again. “Thank you. I trust you to do what needs doing.”
And as easy as that, his farewell was accomplished.
Or so he thought.
Later that night just after he’d drifted off, Mari began to mutter and toss. Another nightmare. He gave her a small shake to wake her from the horror.
She gasped in air, struggling to breathe.
“Are ye all right?” he asked worriedly.
She cried into his chest, and he felt her body tremble with sobs.
“Shh. Please just tell me what has you so upset. Please, Mari, I beg of you. Let me help in whatever way I might.”
She looked at him, her eyes bright with tears in the dim light, and blurted out, “I think I should turn myself in to the English.”
Of all the words that could be strung together to form a thought, he’d never expected those to come out in that order.
“What?” he said, thinking maybe he’d misheard. Praying he had.
“The fear of them coming for me and hurting everyone here has me tied into knots. If I turned myself in, it would all be over.”
“Aye. It would. So would your life. We would be over, too, and I’ll not have it. It’s been months since you came to me. They have bigger things to worry about in London than a wee lass who stood up for herself against her bugger of a husband.”
“But Lucy—”
“I know what Lucy’s letter said. But even if Ridley badgers someone into saying you planned to come here, it might not get him an order from the crown.”
She nodded, but without real agreement, so he decided to tell her of his other plan.
“If we get word that they are coming for ye, I have some things stashed away. Money and the like, to take us far away from here.”
“Away? Where?”
“I’ll not say, for it canna be shared with anyone here. It’s safer if they don’t have answers, should they be questioned.”
She let out a breath but still didn’t say anything to make him believe she’d given up on her plan to turn herself in.
“Mari, I’ll have your promise you will be here when I return,” he said sternly.
“Of course,” she said, though he couldn’t help but see how she’d worded it so she hadn’t actually promised anything. Before he could press her into saying the actual words, she yawned and fell asleep.
He woke before dawn the next morning and kissed her forehead before leaving their room to start his journey. Lach was waiting in the hall to see him off.
“Mari is entertaining the daft idea of turning herself in to the English,” Cam muttered. “You’ll please make sure that doesn’t happen while I’m gone?”