“Let’s agree to take each day as it comes,” he finally suggested. “We’ll not think about what may or may not happen in the future. Just today. And then the next.”
“For how long?”
“For as long as we can.”
She nodded in agreement. “Very well. We won’t speak of what might happen.”
“We won’t.”
It seemed a foolish thing not to prepare for the inevitable, but she latched onto his offer with both hands. She’d said her piece to Lachlan. The laird would either give her the chance to save Cam and the clan, or he’d launch them into a battle they couldn’t win.
The decision was out of her hands for now.
She and Cam spent every night in each other’s arms, making love with that same conviction. Live for today. Don’t look too far ahead.
For a month, their plan worked. They lived their lives without the worry of tomorrow.
But as tomorrows tended to do, the one day she’d dreaded for so long finally arrived.
Chapter Thirty-One
Mari woke to the sound of Scottish grumbling. She smiled and stretched, remembering the night before. Remembering all the nights before. All the ways Cam had loved her and she’d loved him back.
“Come back to bed,” she pleaded, missing his warmth in their chilly chamber.
It was still dark. There was only so much practice he and his men could subject themselves to.
“I canna. I’m sorry I woke you.” He leaned down and kissed her. “But I’m not sorry you’re awake now.”
She laughed and sat up, grabbing her wrapper and pulling it on.
He slipped his cold hands inside, causing her to jump and shiver. Autumn was giving way to winter. Each day the sun came closer and closer to losing the battle.
“I’d love nothing more than to crawl back into bed where it’s warm and take you again, but Lach has ordered me to take a message to the McCurdy. I’m not sure when I became a messenger, but he worries there could be trouble. So I must go.”
It took a moment for her sleep-muddled mind to catch up with his words…and the meaning beneath them.
“How long will you be gone?”
“Should only take about five days, a week and a half at the most.”
Lachlan was sending Cam away on an errand. It was possible he truly wanted Cam to speak to the McCurdy laird, but it was more likely this was the distraction she had requested so Cam wouldn’t be here when the English came for her.
Oh, God.
This was the last time she would ever see her husband.
When she tensed in his arms, he pulled away to offer a smile. “I’ll make good time and maybe I’ll be back in four. Don’t worry. If another lass comes running up to me and tries to marry me, I’ll tell her I already fell for that trickery.”
He winked and kissed her on the nose before turning to pick up his sword.
“Cam.” Her voice shook, and she swallowed to get control. It wouldn’t do for him to see her heightened anxiety. She needed to play the part of a wife seeing her husband off for a few days, not a desperate woman saying goodbye forever to the man she she’d come to love.
He hadn’t wanted love between them, and in fact, she hadn’t realized how she felt until this very moment. But she couldn’t tell him now.
He stepped back and placed his arms gently on her shoulders. “Are ye well, lass? You look pale.”
“I’m fine. I’m just going to miss you,” she said as tears welled up in her eyes.
“What’s this?” he teased. “Am I so fine a lover you don’t think you can make it a few days without me?” He kissed her tears away and pulled her close, then his tone turned serious. “It’s hard for me to leave you, too. I never understood before. I’d heard people talk about being bound to someone, but I feel it now. As sure as if we still had that piece of your dress tying us together.”
It sounded as though he felt the same way she felt about him, but she was too afraid to ask.
He kissed her again, and she couldn’t help the way she clung to his shirt.
“I must go.” Another kiss and he turned for the door. “I’ll see ye soon.”
She couldn’t speak. She was torn between begging him to stay and run away with her, and screaming with the unfairness of it all.
He smiled and closed the door behind him. A second after he was gone, she lurched for the chamber pot to cast up her accounts.
…
The barest hint of light illuminated the sky as Cam mounted his horse and headed off on his mission to the McCurdy lands.
A smile claimed his face as he thought of the night before. The smile dimmed slightly when he remembered the uncertain future he and Mari faced. While their months together ensured she did not fear his touch any longer, he knew well what kept her from having true peace in their new life.
They’d been living in a dream pretending they didn’t have anything to fear, when he knew the English were searching for Mari. It wouldn’t be long before they showed up at Dunardry and the war would begin.
She’d killed a duke. The crown would demand justice. Especially when it was a Scottish lass who was to hang for it.
It was long past time for Cam to take her away to safety. He needed to find a new place for them to live. She’d been a duchess, so he wanted to offer her some luxury. Living in the rough, constantly moving, was not an option if they planned to have a family someday.
He’d need to gain a piece of land and build a house. Unfortunately, his soldier’s pay didn’t allow for much. His wife had once lived a life of opulence. While she’d adjusted without complaint to castle life, he couldn’t have his wife living out of a cave.
He frowned up at the sun when it occurred to him that living out of a cave would be far preferable to being hanged.
If she was ever caught, she would be killed.
He must make sure that never happened.
…
Mari dressed quickly and hurried down to the hall as soon as Cam had left. She found Lachlan pacing in front of the fire.
“Are they coming?” she asked after checking the room to make sure Kenna wasn’t there.
“Aye. I got word late last night. I sent Cam away as you asked of me, but I don’t think I can see through on the rest of the plan. Kenna—”
“My sister will be angry, to be sure, but she and your children will be safe, along with the rest of the clan you’re responsible for.” She swallowed, hoping she wouldn’t embarrass herself by being sick again. Her stomach was a knotted mess of worry and fear. “Would you see me out to meet them so they don’t get close to the castle? If you’d rather not, I can go by myself. But I promised Cam I’d not venture beyond the castle walls unescorted by a warrior.”