Which is what he told his father.
“No one’s saying it’s going to be easy, Jake. Relationships are hard. Long-distance relationships are even harder. Avoiding obstacles or maybe changing your lives around so that neither of you are inconvenienced isn’t always the answer. You see, challenges are what make us stronger. Your mother and I had to overcome so much and while it might have broken most couples, it drew us closer together.”
“But what if…what if it’s too much? What if she doesn’t want to wait?” he asked and wanted to curse himself for feeling so weak. So needy.
“Have you seen the way that girl looks at you?” his father asked with a smile. “Son, I can guarantee you that Mallory would wait for you – no matter how long it took.”
Yeah. He thought that too, but…how fair was it? She had two more years of school and he was just starting, with four ahead of him. When she graduated, her life was hers to do with as she pleased. On top of that, there would be months in between visits, years before they could settle in forever.
Holy shit…forever? Was he really ready to go there?
Was one summer enough for him to be thinking in the long-term like that? And why was this all hitting him now? He and Mallory had been talking about the future almost since they first got involved, but for some reason whenever he thought about it, it wasn’t quite so…rest of his life.
“Jake? You okay? You’ve gone a little pale.”
He was going to be sick. That’s how he felt right now. “Suddenly this feels like a lot more than I was prepared for.”
His father let out a soft laugh. “It often feels that way when you realize you’re in love.”
“Stop…just…stop saying that,” he murmured. Hearing someone else say it and forcing himself to acknowledge it, made it all…real. Mallory hadn’t been shy about her feelings for him, but Jake had managed not to give too much away or admit anything to her because – again – saying it out loud made it a reality.
And look where that had gotten him…
Nowhere.
“Okay, okay…I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It’s all…it’s just a lot to take in right now.” He paused. “My whole life, I never had to plan too far ahead. We lived in the moment and a lot of that was out of necessity. The older I got, things just…well, they just sort of fell into place. But this whole thing? School? Mallory?”
“It’s a lot of planning,” his father finished for him.
“Exactly. And I don’t know if I can handle it.” He bowed his head and shook it. “I can’t even look at you.”
“What? Why?”
“I’m ashamed, Dad. Here I am facing the kind of things that most people want and…and I can’t handle it.”
They were both silent for several moments. “Can I give you a bit of advice?”
Jake nodded.
“Don’t let fear keep you from getting the things that you want. You want an education? A degree? Then you should go for it. I made a lot of mistakes in my life and so many of them I think jaded you. You’re smarter than I am, Jake. You’re not going to repeat the things I’ve done. You’re going to have debt from college, but you’re also going to come out and have a job waiting for you.”
He nodded again. “And what about Mallory?”
This time his father’s smile was a little sad. “I can’t tell you what to do there. Only you know how you truly feel. If you don’t think you can handle juggling this move, college, and a relationship…well…”
Yeah. He knew where his father was going with that.
It didn’t make him feel any better.
But there was one thing that would.
“I’m going to accept this.” Jake held up the envelope. “And I cannot thank you enough.”
“You’re welcome.”
“But…I’m not going to accept your help during my first year.” He paused. “I know what to do and I know how to handle it. The last thing I want is to be a burden to you and Mom.”
“Jake…you’re not a burden. You never were.”
He shrugged. “Maybe. “But I would rather you not have anything hanging over your head financially. You’re in a good place now and…well…I’m honored that you would be willing to sacrifice so much for me. For this.”
“What are you going to do?”
Slowly, Jake rose to his feet, clutching the envelope in his hands. “You’re not the only one who’s been talking to someone about financing.” He smiled down at his father. “Thanks, Dad.”
And then he slowly made his way up to his room so he could try to figure out how everything was going to work out.
“You’re kind of quiet tonight,” Mallory said, sitting beside him out on the boathouse deck. “Everything okay?”
No. Not a damn thing.
“Just…I don’t know…just thinking about next week. I’ve got a lot of packing to do. A lot of stuff to get organized and I’ve been putting it off so now it’s all just feeling a bit overwhelming.”
“Oh.”
He had her hand in his but he didn’t look at her. “I think I’m going to need to spend some time focusing on all of it, you know? I should probably spend some time with my folks and there are some other people I’d like to see before I go so…”
Even without looking, he could feel that she tensed.
“I’m not saying we’re not going to see each other before you go, but…”
“But you kind of are,” she said sadly, slowly pulling her hand from his.
Refusing to let go, Jake held on tightly and turned toward her. “We knew this was coming, right?”
She nodded and even in the moonlight he could see the tears forming in her eyes.
“If you were home, wouldn’t there be things you needed to do to get ready for school? People you’d want to see?”
Again, she nodded.
“C’mon, Mallory. Talk to me.” It gutted him to even ask. He wasn’t good at this, at talking about his feelings or listening to people talk about theirs. But for her, he’d do it.
“I knew it was coming and yet I kept hoping that it wouldn’t,” she said quietly. “Like…that something would happen that would prevent one of us from going to school or for the summer to simply never end.”
He smiled sadly because she had no idea how close to home that statement hit.
Gently pulling her hand to his lips, he kissed it. “I know.”
“And now that it’s here I feel like all the plans we made – all the promises we made – aren’t going to come true. We’re going to go our separate ways and…that’ll be it.”
“It won’t be like that, Mal. We won’t let it,” he said fiercely, even though just hours before, he was struggling with the same thing. He saw the tears now falling down her cheek and it just about killed him.
“Tell me what you want me to do,” he pled. “Do you want me to not go to school? Or…or…transfer to one up in New York? Because I’ll do it. If it means making sure you don’t cry, I’ll do it.”