I wanted to support them. But I couldn’t decide what support would look like, so I defaulted to humor. “I think I volunteered for wolf duty? For sure you don’t have to feel guilty on my account.” When that didn’t make a dent in their distress, I added, “All I know is that I really like you. A lot. And I’m glad you like me. And we should spend more time together. So there.”
They looked at me for a long moment. “But do we have physical chemistry?”
Which would have been a seriously bad question to be asked by someone, except by now I could tell when they were teasing. “Five. Straight-up. Do we have intellectual chemistry?”
“Five,” they said.
I held up both hands. “Maybe we start with that. We have another week before we have to decide what to tell YouTube.”
“They’ll be all over me when I post the taped show on Friday, but I can ignore them. One’s success on YouTube to a certain extent relies on one’s ability to tune out certain frequencies.” They held out a hand. “It will be a pleasure to go out on a date with you, sir.”
I took it. “See, I kind of wanted to kiss your hand all gentleman-like, but I didn’t want that to feel misgendering or something. I would kiss anyone’s hand if I were trying to be suave.”
“You may kiss my hand,” they said, smirking.
So I did. Heart fluttering, worried that my lips were oily, but not too fast. Kissing Sidney’s hand was not something to be rushed. I allowed my lips to press firmly against their skin, inhaling a little, then withdrawing.
The act of doing it, of receiving permission and then taking my time, made me strangely bashful. I couldn’t quite look at them after. Though I also didn’t drop their hand, which was warm in both of mine.
“Physical chemistry,” they said softly. “Indisputably a five.”
Yes. “So um...my people will contact your people about our date.”
“I look forward to it. Thank you for making broccoli.”
“Totally my pleasure. I enjoy cooking.”
“Even in a kitchen with pint-sized appliances and no food?”
I polished my nails on my shirt. “Especially! The challenge is fun.”
They smiled and I felt weirdly...not possessive, exactly. More like greedy. In a good way. Greedy for more time with them, for more smiles.
Which is when I realized we’d made it to the doorway and I was awkwardly standing there. Staring at them. “This is weird now. I lingered too long and now it’s weird.”
“It’s not that weird. See you soon, Declan.”
“Yep, right, see you soon.” I waved, backing out, almost losing my footing. “Oops. Probably I should not fall down the stairs.”
“That’d be good.”
I waved. “Byyyyyye.”
They laughed, still standing in their doorway. “Byyyyyye.”
I managed to get myself to the car without any further fouls against my own person.
And oh my god. I was going on a date. With Sidney. Yaaaaaaaaaaay.
Chapter Twelve
Sidney texted me on drinks night to say they were staying home this week. I hoped it wasn’t because of me, but on the other hand, I knew my friends were going to be ridiculous, so not forcing Sidney to witness that was potentially advantageous to our future. Friendship. Whatever.
I got to the Hole a little late, but through some magic (or just good timing), the Motherfuckers had snagged our first favorite table.
That was an omen, right?
“Three cheers for Mr. Big Shot!” Mason called when he saw me.
To my instant and utter mortification, my terrible, awful, very fucked-up friends cried out three actual choruses of “Hip-hip hooray!”
“You guys are the worst,” I muttered, attempting to bury my entire body behind Oscar.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you,” he said, way too innocently. “You’re a celebrity now, right? Shouldn’t you have on a fake mustache? Aren’t you worried about getting recognized?”
I slugged him hard in the arm. At least he had the decency to yelp.
“Okay, okay, let’s be civil about this.” Ronnie paused. “What’s it like, banging a YouTube star? Is it different than banging a normal person, or—”
“Shut up, we aren’t, and seriously, shut up.”
“You’re not?” She pulled a shocked face. “And if not, why not?”
I pulled myself up to my full seated height. “A gentleman never tells.”
Mason pushed a Coke toward me. “So spill, since you’re no gentleman.”
“I am affronted, I say affronted by your manner, sir! Weehawken!”
“At dawn!” the others called.
Which had all of us laughing, both out of habit and from a sense that things were righted. It was always a little odd when one of us acquired a new...person. That they’d seen it kind of happen over YouTube was a little odder than usual. And I hadn’t really shared details. But there weren’t many to share.
Well. Maybe a few.
“You kissed their hand,” Mason said flatly. He turned to Mia. “Did he ever kiss my hand the entire time we were together? No, he did not.”
She patted his arm—there, there—but looked at me. “Aww, Dec, that sounds super romantic.”
“I don’t know. I thought about doing it and asked if I could and they said yes and...it seemed like the thing to do at the time?”
Ronnie leaned into Mia. “He asked if he could! How freaking sweet is that?”
“Consent is so freaking sweet.”
“Okay, quit being such big lesbians about it.” Mason poked me. “I’ve actually seen your sweet side and that was an all right show, but it’s you making dinner that cinches it for me. Who can resist a man who makes dinner?”
“I threw some broccoli in a toaster oven.”
Oscar shook his head. “I find Sidney’s living situation depressing. You always see big YouTubers in these gorgeous houses. Not with a kitchenette and a toaster oven.”
Mia reached for Ronnie’s hand, holding it on top of the table. “They’re not that famous or we wouldn’t have ever met them. Famous YouTubers don’t work the early stocking shift at the store.”
The idea that I could have somehow missed meeting Sidney made my whole body contract, like I was physically pulling away from the idea. “I’m so glad I met them. Even if most of our relationship has been conducted in embarrassing YouTube segments.”