End this fascination with her before it was too late and she discovered the lie I was.
Once again I just couldn’t do it.
I looked at her and the sight of her tugged on my heart.
That thing I hadn’t felt in years, or ever, gripped me now at the thought of goodbye.
I couldn’t do it…
What I did find myself doing was moving to her lips. I kissed her and she kissed me back with the same fire she always gave me, the same want and need.
It enticed me to take her and make her mine.
So I did.
I broke from her lips to open the door and that was it.
I went straight to my bed with her and got lost in her the way I had every single time.
Hours later she lay in my arms, cocooned like she really was mine.
She had that exhausted look about her like that first night, fighting sleep and fighting time.
I on the other hand was fighting time and my conscience. I was fighting that thing that told me I was selfish and this was going to blow up in my face.
Her warm fingers fluttered over my chest and I looked down at her. The only light we had was the moonlight. It made her hair look like liquid silver and her eyes lighter. Her pale skin against the sheets like cream.
Damn… what the hell had I allowed to happen to me?
“This was nice,” she whispered. “You were the nice part of the craziness over the last few weeks.”
I picked up a lock of her hair and allowed it to curl about my thumb.
“Jia…I’m not anything special.”
“No, don’t,” she cut in. “Don’t. This might be the last I see you. Don’t tell me you aren’t special, when you’re so much more to me. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
And, that just made me feel worse. I had to tell her something. Something to satiate the turmoil inside me.
“Thank you. That means a lot to me. More than you know. Look…there’s some stuff I need to tell you, but not now.”
“It sounds serious.” She gave me a weak chuckle.
“No, don’t worry. Don’t worry.”
“I can’t help it. Xander I’m going to Europe to marry Armand. My life is over. I can’t live like that. I don’t want to.”
“Don’t worry.” I nodded, sounding sure and like I had some plan.
“It’s hard not to.”
“I know, but things have a way of working out. How am I supposed to allow Armand to take you away…from me?” I meant that.
Craziness took over my ass again. The crazy passion that made me want her and I realized I didn’t want to let her go. I didn’t know what that meant for me or what the fuck I planned to do, but that much was sure. I didn’t want her to go be with Armand. Someone else who wasn’t me. Just the thought of her going with him and being forced to marry him enraged me.
How could I be okay with that?
How could I be okay with that, and with all that I felt for her.
“Oh God, Xander. You have no idea what it means to hear you say that, but I can’t allow you to get in that kind of trouble.”
I cupped her face again. “Don’t worry baby.” Jesus… I had lost my mind. This was the proverbial ants nest I thought of when it came to mobsters. Stepping in the nest and disturbing what they had, let alone their plans meant war. She was worth it to me, I just didn’t know what I would do, if I could do anything, or how I would do it.
Or, fuck… if I should…
That was logic coming back to me, reminding me of responsibility.
She cupped my face too with her warm fingers and another tear ran down her cheek.
“Where is Frankie?” I thought I’d lessen the tension of our angst-filled conversation.
“He’s at my place. Pa thinks I’m there too. He’ll be there for the night and most of tomorrow morning until I go to work.”
“Then sleep, sleep baby.” She needed to.
I thanked my lucky stars that Frankie seemed like he was on my side for the most part.
“Sleep…” she spoke on an exhale.
I leaned forward and planted a kiss on her forehead. It lulled her to sleep.
I watched her sleep for another hour. Then Wes called. I was half expecting to hear from him, once he got going he usually sailed through his ideas until he came up with a plan.
I slipped off the bed and stood in the passage between the kitchen and my bedroom.
I answered and glanced back to Jia to make sure she was still asleep.
“Hey,” I said to Wes.
“Hey dude, I found the tunnels. Can you come back quickly just to run through some ideas with me? I think I have an idea.”
I glanced back to Jia. There was classic me, being torn between emotion and responsibility.
“Sure, I’ll come back,” I answered. That was the correct answer. What I didn’t have was time. Without knowing what was really going on we didn’t have the luxury of time. I had to move fast with the time I had. If Wes had come up with ideas then that was where I needed to be. So the right answer was to go back. Jia would be safe here for a few minutes.
“Bro… is she okay?” Wes asked.
“No.”
“You okay?” That was probably the better question.
“No,” I replied. “I hate this. I just… need to get everything over and done with. I hate playing double agent. Pretending to be someone I’m not. This is the first time it’s really affected me.”
“I get it. I can see that it’s affecting you. But please tread softly. We won’t be here forever. I can’t see that you’ll be able to be with her the way you want. So… please Xander, be sensible.”
“I’m trying. Maybe leaving is best. Leave like I was never here, just like a shadow.”
“See you in a bit bro.” Wes hung up and I glanced back to Jia, asleep on my bed.
Leaving was indeed best. How could I though? Not even an hour ago I’d told her I couldn’t stand by and watch Armand take her.
So what were my options?
Get the prints and take her?
The mafia princess.
Take her and have the mob on my ass. Me the secret agent or whatever it was I was trying to be.
Take her with me wherever I went? I couldn’t see that going down well. Fuck, I may be able to avoid Giovanni to some extent but it wouldn’t work.
Then there were my secrets.
My past…my present.
I liked her and I knew it was moving beyond that.
Moving fast beyond that in so little time.
One last look and I left her.
Baby steps and one thing at a time. Even if every step seemed harder than the last.
What the hell was I really going to do?
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jia
The door closed and I opened my eyes.
I wasn’t sleeping.
I hadn’t been.
I heard him…
Heard when the phone buzzed and it woke me up instantly.
I was mostly a light sleeper. It came from having to listen out at my house for people coming in and out, more so in the last few days with Pa on his tirade to destroy my life.
So, I heard him.
Xander.
I heard him answer the phone and I heard what he said to— whoever that was he was speaking to.