Knowing I won’t get back to sleep anytime soon, I get up and grab my gym shorts. Might as well get a good workout in while Jacey sleeps.
Jacey
I wake up to a cold, empty bed. I hate these types of mornings. After a night of arguing, then making love, I still manage to feel the chill of waking without his arms holding me. Even though we made up before we went to bed, I can’t help but freak out and wonder if this is the day he’s going to leave me over my insane jealousy.
I hate feeling the way I do, but I can’t seem to make it stop. He thinks it’s because I don’t trust him. That’s not the problem—it’s those skanky, Barbie-wannabe bitches I don’t trust. As a matter of fact, I want to claw their eyes out and yank off their fake nails every time one looks in his direction or lays a hand on him. I see it in my mind’s eye every time I close my eyes. It’s like an old vinyl record playing on repeat with each moment in time that passes.
Hopping out of bed, I take care of my morning duties. Might as well get dressed and try to start this day out on a better note than I ended it with. Even after Rayne and I made love in the shower, I still went to bed in a sour mood. I hear the door beep, followed shortly by the sight of Rayne’s shirtless form. From the bathroom’s vantage point, I have the perfect view of the door. Sweat is beading on his skin, which glistens with it, his physique on display. All I want to do is rub my hands over his abs and follow the defined V leading to the promise land with my tongue.
“Hey, baby,” I say breathlessly.
He smirks at the way I’m affected by him before responding, “Hey, yourself. How long have you been up for?”
“Twenty minutes or so.” I shrug my shoulders, unsure of the exact amount of time.
“Listen, Jacey. We need to have a talk.” He sighs, leaning his hip on the counter. Those are never words a woman wants to hear leave her man’s mouth.
“Okay,” is the only word my suddenly dry mouth can execute.
“Not here,” he says, exiting the bathroom and going into the room to sit on the couch. He pats the place next to him. What has me stalling to go to him is the look in his eyes. I’m completely terrified.
This man is my heart and soul, and I fear I’ve pushed too damn far this time.
“Um-m . . .” I stammer as I finally come unglued. Walking over, I sit next to him but leave some space between us.
Rayne
I hate the distance she’s put between us, even though I understand why she does. While working out, I had a lot of time to think about our situation, and what I found is that I need some space. Distance from all the jealousy and fighting will do us both some good.
“Jacey,” I start. “Last night was the final straw for me.” It hurts my heart to say what needs to be said, but I can’t keep going on this way. I need space for an undisclosed amount of time. All we end up doing these days is lashing out at one another and we both end up hurting.
“A-are you breaking things off with me?” she cries out.
“No, baby. I’m just asking for some time and space. It seems as if we need some time apart to re-evaluate our relationship. We’re together all the time, and you obviously don’t trust me,” I say, pointing to my chest.
“I do trust you,” she sobs out in response.
“Who are you trying to convince here? Me or you?” I continue.
“Rayne, I can get a separate room. We don’t have to do this. We can work it out and still be near each other.” Her tears are killing me, but I have to keep strong and do this for me . . . for us.
“Jacey, you’re not listening to me. I need space before I react without thinking and say or do something, we will both end up regretting.” I have no interest in hurting her, but sometimes in order to move forward, we have to take a step back.
“So, you want me to go home or what?” Her anger is coming through and her sorrow and tears are temporarily put on the back burner. Good, anger I can deal with, her tears, not so much.
“I’m saying you should take an extended vacation,” I advise.
“Then we are splitting up,” she says through hazy, tear-filled eyes.
“Jacey, fuck. Take from this what you want, that’s not what I said!” It feels as if everything I’m saying and trying to express to her is going nowhere. All she’s hearing is time apart and assumes that means calling it quits between us. Right now, I’m at the point where it could go either way and I’d be fine with the outcome.
A man can only take so much of the green-eyed monster before he reacts.
“Not in so many words, but I get the implication of their meaning. Will the band be okay without its manager?” So what, now we’re in business mode? Do we mean so little to her? Fuck this, I can’t do this anymore.
“We’ll be fine, Jacey.”
“Okay, then I’ll get packed up and book a flight.”
Had I known those words would be our final ones for years to come, I would’ve made different choices.
Jacey
I go through the motions and exit the plane when it lands in my hometown. Flopping down on an airport terminal chair, the feeling of not wanting to go to my parents’ house hits me like a wrecking ball. I need some time alone to gather my thoughts. My life feels like it’s over. There’s nowhere for me to go where rumors and pointing fingers won’t be aimed in my direction. We live in a small town, and everyone will know and gossip about the fact I’m not with the Wilde siblings. Mentally, I know I’m not ready to face the ridicule and be on the receiving end of the townsfolk’s vicious, accusing words.
I’m not a millionaire by any stretch of the imagination, but I have a large bulk in both my savings and checking accounts. I was saving up for the day that Rayne and I would put down some roots and want to purchase a home. I wanted to be able to go in half on the down payment, never wanting to be a kept woman. I’ve always believed in pulling my own weight in our relationship.
I can’t survive on my bank account funds forever, but it’s enough to start a new life somewhere else. I’ll never be able to live in my hometown ever again and not feel strangled with the emotions of the past. I grab my bags and walk around, trying to decide where I’d like to try and start life over again and re-invent myself where no one knows who I am.
Pulling out my phone, I open up a United States map, close my eyes, and plant my finger on a nondescript town far away from here.
A new state, a new town, a new me.
One without Rayne and the women I’ve always considered my sisters.
It’s not going to be sunshine and rainbows in the beginning, but no matter what, I’m gonna make it work. I can do this. I will do this.
With determination in my step, I make it up to the kiosk machine and insert the information. Once my ticket prints out, I once again check in my luggage and leave for a foreign place.
To new beginnings.
2
Jacey
Present-day . . .
“Hadley Nicole!” I holler out at my two-year-old daughter who thought it’d be fun to draw on her bedroom walls. “Where on Earth did you find these crayons?” She’s more of a doer than a talker. She grabs my hand and leads me into my home office. Pointing at a basket I keep in here for her of activities and coloring books, I sigh in defeat. “Well, we’ll have to clean it up tonight when we get home. Are you ready for school?” I ask excitedly in an attempt to get her happy at the prospect of going to daycare.