“I has to go number one,” she informs me as she crawls out of her bed. “You come wiff’s me, okay, Momma’s?”
“That’s the plan,” I singsong, causing her to giggle. For some reason, all the stress I was feeling entering her room dissipates with that harmonic tune leaving her mouth.
Her smiles, her laughter, even her temper tantrums make the ache that Rayne left behind in my heart seem to ‘poof’ away like a cloud of dust and take flight into the midnight air. She’s the reminder of all of the good times, and right now, I need all of those memories to keep my soul glued together.
Rayne
Now that Jacey’s gone to grab our daughter, I let my anger seep out through my look toward the ones who are supposed to be the bigger adults in this situation. The ones with more life experience behind them than any of us kids have combined.
“You have three minutes to either get your shit together, or get the fuck gone. I’m not playing around. This is my family, that is my woman and daughter and neither one of them need to be subjected to your emotional or mental abuse. Figure it out. I want a damn answer from each one of you now.”
“Rayne,” Billie gasps as she takes in the shocked looks on each of the parent’s faces. But I’m standing my ground. If I can get past the hurt, then so the fuck can they.
“Hadley’s the biggest loser in this scenario.” Sibley steps up and backs me. “Rayne’s right, the hurt and anger need to go away, quickly. That little girl and her mother are worth it. We can either choose to hold hate in our heart, or we can be the bigger people and open our arms for them.”
“I agree with Sibley and Rayne,” Justine pipes up, walking over to stand with the two of us. “People make mistakes in the heat of the moment, and when that happens, sometimes we can’t figure out how to crawl ourselves out of the hole we’ve dug. Don’t you guys think she regretted her decisions? Especially after Hadley was born. But at that time, she was still mending a broken heart.”
“I’d have been an emotional wreck and not know which was the right road to take.” Billie finally finds her courage as she too comes and stands with us. “There’s no takebacks. Once your decision is made, you need to stick to it and find a way to move on.”
“We understand that all the disappointment won’t disappear overnight, that’s not what we’re asking of you all,” I blurt out. “We just don’t want Hadley to feel any of this. Either you put your game faces on for her and Jacey, or you go. I don’t know how to make this any clearer.”
“We’ll get over this in time. Jacey and Hadley are our family.” My dad steps up and as always is the voice of reason. “We can manage to deal with our hurt feelings on our own time, Son. Jacey and Hadley won’t feel an ounce of our pain or hurt. Right?” Dad puts his fists on his hips as he glares at the other three. It feels good to have one of them on our side.
They all nod their heads in acknowledgement and agreement, and just in time. I hear the pitter-patter of little feet as they hit the hallway. Then I hear that word that always turns me into mush, “Daddy!” Hadley yanks her hand from her mother’s and runs over to me. When she leaps through the air, my heart stalls as I reach out and grab her. She’s such a damn daredevil that I don’t know how much more I can take without breaking down and wrapping her in damn bubble wrap. She believes she can leap and bound over any obstacle and come out the other side with no bumps or bruises.
Once my heart rate returns to a normal beating pattern, I stand up and place Hadley on my hip.
“Mom, Dad, Mona, David, this is your granddaughter, Hadley,” I introduce them. As soon as I say the word ‘granddaughter,’ Hadley gasps.
“Daddy,” Hadley says my name to get my attention solely on her. She pulls on the V of my T-shirt to make sure that I know she wants my eyes on her.
“Yes, love bug,” I say in response as I pull my shirt away from her tiny, closed fists. I found out earlier today that Hadley has a thing for ladybugs and I’ve been contemplating all day if I should be calling her something other than baby girl. I want her to have a moniker that means something special and is solely intended for her and her alone. So I took the bug and added love in front of it. I should really get a pat on the back for my injunivity. I’m a damn genius.
“I have Nonas and Papas just like Darek does?” A growl leaves my chest when I hear a boy’s name leave her voice.
“Who’s Darek?” I snap at Jacey, wanting to know if this little cretin is after my little angel.
“Put your growly bear away, Rayne. Darek and Hadley have grown up together and been in nursery school since they were in diapers.”
Hadley cups her hands around her mouth and attempts to whisper a secret to me. “Darek’s still in pull-ups and I’m in big girl panties.”
The tension in the room is cut as all the adults laugh vigorously at her words.
17
Jacey
I catch my mom every once in a while, looking over at me from the corner of her eyes. I know she wants to talk to me alone, but now is not the time for that. I’ll plan a time during the week around my lunch schedule so she can come and see what I’ve made of myself. I want her to see all that I’ve accomplished so that she can be proud of at least one thing I’ve managed to do right.
Hadley has kept all the adults entertained with her stories of her life and giving them all a tour of our home. Papa K, as Rayne’s father has been dubbed by her, is currently holding Annabelle. Every time he attempts to set her to the side, Hadley gets a heartbroken look on her face and he quickly picks her back up. Rayne is in the kitchen with me, helping me prepare sandwiches for lunch. It feels nice, intimate, domesticated, something I’ve longed for but didn’t realize what it was that was missing, until just this moment.
A breeze moves over my neck as Rayne moves my hair to the side. He leans down and places a gentle kiss in the crook. “I’ve missed you, Jacey. I’ve missed us.”
“There’s a lot of hurt and anger on both ends, Rayne.” I turn around and come face-to-face with him. “I’m not sure that we should pursue anything outside of co-parenting.” I lie, I want more, but I’m not sure I could withstand another devastating blow from him.
“I made a mistake, Jacey. I fucked up the best thing that was in my life. Promises have ways to be broken so I’m not going to make any to you now. What I am going to give you now is my vow. I won’t ever hide us from the media again. I’m gonna put a ring on it and share a last name with you. I’m going to love you and Hadley with everything I’ve got. Tours are going to be limited from this point forward. I wanna put down some roots with you, Jacey, and watch them flourish and grow. I’ve never stopped loving you; I just didn’t know how to fix my mistake of letting you go. I was a coward, please forgive me and give us another chance.”
“I want to, Rayne, I really do. But I’m scared.” I admit my insecurity as it pertains to us and any future we could have. He doesn’t let me get another word in edgewise as he leans down and captures my lips with his. It’s a gentle caress, a whisper of a touch, but it’s enough to ignite that flame that I thought I’d done a good job of burying. My arms lift up of their own accord and wrap around his neck. After a few seconds, my fingers mindlessly begin combing through his hair. I get lost in his embrace and hitch my leg up and over his hip. His hand drops and helps hold it up as he grinds his erection into my jeans-covered core. With his hand tucked beneath my knee, he leans closer into me to where I can feel every inch of him.