Or he would simply say, “Soon.”
Teddy didn’t want “soon,” he wanted “now.”
If they were ever going to have kids, they needed to do so soon. At forty-five, he wasn’t a spring chicken and finding a surrogate, getting her pregnant through IVF, plus the months of pregnancy, took time. He could be fifty before their first, and probably only, child was born.
He was afraid he’d feel like a grandfather instead of a father.
In truth, Teddy would be okay with never having kids, but Adam hinted that he’d like at least one. And watching his lover around the Bryson babies showed what a great father he’d be.
He sighed and continued to stare at who he hoped would be his future husband.
Adam’s dark lashes were thick, his nose perfect, his lips... Well, the man was good with his lips. Extraordinarily good.
Superb.
And Adam never hesitated to reciprocate the attention Teddy gave him. Actually, Adam’s cock-sucking skills were two-snaps-and-a-clap worthy.
Teddy pursed his own lips as he traced Adam’s with the tip of his index finger. His fiancé could be intense and take life too seriously sometimes, so when he was sleeping, his body and face were relaxed, making him look ten years younger than he was.
Which would then make Teddy a cougar.
Rawr!
An overnight growth of dark whiskers covered Adam’s face. He’d grown it out on occasion, but normally liked his face smooth since it made him look more “squared away” for his position as a police officer.
Yes, Teddy’s man wore a uniform. Purr. And looked damn good in it, too.
Adam was so damn handsome, looking at him was sometimes like looking directly into the sun. Blinding.
It was more than his rakish smile. Or the Brysons’ signature crystal blue eyes. Or that tiny scar that marred his perfectly-shaped eyebrows.
Perfect because Teddy would force his cute butt into a chair and thread those thick bushy eyebrows. Though, Adam made him swear to never tell anyone that secret.
Of course, Adam Bryson’s eyebrows were naturally shaped that way...
Wink. Wink.
Teddy brushed his knuckles over the dark wiry patch of hair that divided his muscular pecs, the hair that funneled into a line that traveled down the center of his six-pack—yes, his man had a freaking six-pack!—around that cute little half outie/half innie belly button before blooming into the well-groomed patch framing all of his manly goodness.
Teddy loved to imagine he was Little Red Riding Hood following that dark and dangerous path until he came across the largest bear in the woods, who’d jump out, surprise him and gobble him up.
And, yes, he had his fairy tales messed up. He just didn’t care. It was his fantasy.
If they ever had a child, that was one fairy tale that would not be told. Not because of violence but because it always turned X-rated.
Sometimes he wondered if his flamboyant personality—his true self—was too much for Adam, who was on the more conservative side. His fiancé saw no need to draw attention to himself and wasn’t always comfortable when Teddy tended to be loud and made it known that they, as a gay couple, existed in this town and weren’t going to hide.
They were such opposites.
Maybe Adam’s delay was because he wasn’t sure about their future.
Or maybe Adam was simply with Teddy because he was the only other “out” man in the area. Maybe if there was more of a choice, Adam wouldn’t choose him at all.
Yes, they had sexual chemistry, but maybe that was all Adam experienced. Nothing deeper.
Teddy slammed a hand over his mouth so he wouldn’t cry out at the pain suddenly stabbing at his heart.
It was easy to say the words, “I love you.” It was harder to mean them.
Sometimes those words could be hollow and automatic as to not create conflict.
When Adam said those three words, did he mean them? Or did he say them just to placate Teddy to avoid drama?
Was Adam having second thoughts?
He’d been so secretive lately. Getting home late. Taking phone calls out of Teddy’s hearing and not explaining why or who called. Or he would simply brush them off as something to do with work.
But then there were the hours when he just disappeared.
They used to take their lunch breaks together on a regular basis, but recently he’d cancelled a few of them, saying he had an emergency incident he needed to respond to. Only to find out through the Bryson grapevine that Adam hadn’t responded to anything at all.
Had the man he loved found someone else? Someone who would fit into his life better? Someone who wouldn’t embarrass him, unlike Teddy did with his drama queen theatrics?
Oh God, had he driven Adam into an affair?
If so, Teddy would find the culprit and scratch out the other man’s eyes.
But if Adam couldn’t love him the way he was, his true self, then he couldn’t love Teddy period.
His heart began to race at the thought of losing the man he loved to someone else. Of being alone again.
Of maybe no longer belonging to the Bryson family, the one family who loved him and accepted him as he was.
A whimper bubbled up his throat.
In a panic, he shook Adam’s shoulder. “Adam!”
Adam jackknifed up to a seated position, eyes wide but unfocused. “What? What’s wrong?”
Teddy also sat up, his fingers digging into his lover’s shoulder, his other hand grabbing Adam’s prickly jaw and jerking his head in his direction. “Don’t you love me anymore?”
Adam’s perfectly manicured eyebrows dropped low. “What?”
“You don’t love me anymore!” Teddy wailed.
“What?”
“You don’t want to marry me! You’ve found someone else! Who? Who is it? I’m going to scratch his damn eyes out!”
Adam’s mouth gaped open and a loud breath escaped before he snapped it shut. “Did you have a bad dream or something?”
“Yes, this is my nightmare.”
Adam ran a hand down his face and shook his head. “Well, you’re awake now so your nightmare is over. Go back to sleep. It’s...” His eyes slid to the digital clock on Teddy’s nightstand. “Christ. It’s five in the fucking morning.” Adam flopped back down, breaking Teddy’s hold. He punched his generic-brand pillow back into shape, rolled to his side, giving Teddy his back, settled in and sighed. “Go back to sleep.”
“I can’t,” Teddy cried, gluing himself to Adam’s warm, broad back.
“What the fuck, T. I need to work second shift today. I need sleep.”
“I can’t sleep, lover. I can’t.”
Adam rolled again until he was facing Teddy with only a few inches separating them. “I can’t deal with your neurosis right now.”
“It’s not neurosis.”
Adam’s eyebrows jerked up his forehead.
Teddy grimaced and rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay. I get a little paranoid.”
“A little?”
“Well, you’ve been so secretive lately.”
“I have not. I’ve been busy.”
“With what?”
“Work.”
Teddy narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re lying.”
Adam’s expression turned hard. “Really? You’re calling me a liar?”