I sit there in silence, not knowing what to say or to do.
“Jackson, trust is one of those things that is of utmost importance to me. You and I fell in love so fast and so deep. We didn’t give our foundation time to get strong enough to handle issues that arise in relationships. I love you very much, probably more than I should, but I’m not sure if I can ever trust you again.”
The tears start to fall, and he reaches across the table for my hands, but I reject him.
“No, let me finish. You hurt me very badly and the fact that you have that kind of rage in you is scary. How do I know that you’ll never do this again? How do I know that you won’t get angry at someone or something and take it out on me again? I need to be able to trust you with every part of me. I need to know that I can go to the dungeon and be free from worrying about getting hurt. You were the first man that I’ve ever felt I can do anything with. When I saw Mina or Charlene, or whatever the fuck her name is, in your house, my heart literally hurt. I felt like this was all a dream that turned into a nightmare. Do you understand how hard it is for me to sit here and not touch you? How much I miss your touch? This separation has been torture, but at the same time, I have to protect my heart and my body.”
He gets up from his seat and drops to his knees in front of me.
“Crys, I promise with everything in me, that I will never hurt you again. Please give me another chance to prove to you how much I love you. I need you in my life like I need air. I can’t lose you.”
This is that moment where you have to decide to follow your heart or your head. You have flashbacks of your time together and you try to weigh the pros and cons, but you’re blinded by the overwhelming love you have for a person. He’s looking into my eyes, staring past the doubt and the hurt to speak with my heart. Pleading with my heart to let him back in. His pleas crash into my walls and rattle them. I’ve lost the fight and I know I shouldn’t do this, but I can’t help it. My walls come down and crash to the ground.
“Crystal, I need you so bad right now, please just let me have you?”
He sounds so desperate and the look in Jackson’s eyes reveal a vulnerability I’ve never seen before. He’s literally vibrating with pinned up energy. I know the plan was for us to talk and I was supposed to stay strong and steadfast, but right now, I can’t resist his touch. I grab his face and kiss him, his warmth engulfing me and setting me on fire. Just like that, I’m getting lost and pulled into what was once my favorite place. He will accept nothing less than total surrender, so I give him my control. He uses one hand to grip my hair as the other gently squeezes my throat. Just enough pain to make me panic, but enough pleasure to make me moan. He moves from my neck to my breast, cupping the underside and squeezing it gently, causing my nipple to harden. Biting, licking, and kissing, in that order, along my neck, torturing me. In this moment, we are connected. Equal partners on a quest to relieve the massive tension growing between us. We’re a kissing, stumbling mess as we make our way up the stairs to my bedroom. All the while, he undresses me, my clothes leaving a seductive trail of madness that will end with us giving into this forbidden pleasure. I can tell he’s about to lose control because his voice sounds strangled when he grits out,
“Sit on the bed.”
I obey not caring what he has planned. He uses his palm to gently push me back and spreads me wide. I’m lying there open for him and I feel empowered by the way he looks at me, staring at my pussy as if he’s hungry and wants to devour it. He pulls me to the edge and leans over me. Tasting me as he makes his way down my body, torturing me with his tongue. He grips my thighs to still me, my breathing is labored and I’m delirious.
“Tell me what you want baby?”
Jackson is commanding me, but also showing me that we’re not going to do anything that I don’t want to do.
“Jackson, please.”
I’m struggling between insanity and sanity, so that’s all I can say. He smiles at me with understanding, looking me in my eyes, knowing I’m too far gone just from his touch. Apparently, he’s not having trouble forming any words, pausing in between to lick my slit.
“I’m going to fuck you with my tongue.”
Lick.
“Bite you.”
Lick.
“Taste you”
Lick.
“And torture you.”
Lick.
“Is that what you want, Crys?”
My voice comes out in a whisper.
“Such a dirty fucker. Yes, that’s what I want.”
He laughs softly and says,
“You know what I need to hear first.”
He wants to hear the words that let him know that I’m just as eager as he is to be inside me.
“I’m already wet for you.” He smacks the inside of my thigh and I hiss.
“That’s my good girl. Now, squeeze and pinch your nipples for me.”
I do as he says and then his mouth is on me. He licks around my clit, gently biting as he changes his grip to the underside of my thighs. He pushes them up and open, keeping my knees bent. His tongue is exploring me inside and out in a rhythm that leaves me incoherent, unable to even make sounds. I’m lost and on the edge. My legs are shaking, and tears are falling down the sides of my face. I’m so close, but then he stops. I look down and he’s staring at my pussy again. I plead with him.
“Jackson, what are you doing, please I need to come.”
“So fucking beautiful and so wet.”
He pushes three fingers in me, and I lose my mind. My body is no longer mine and he knows he owns me. I’m breathing so hard and he doesn’t let up. He’s taking from me again, making it so that I remember what we had and what I will give up if I don’t forgive him. It’s not fair. He massages that sensitive spot inside me that makes me grow even wetter and licks at my clit. This time, he doesn’t stop. He takes me right over the cliff, and I explode! My back is arched so high off the bed that I feel like I’m breaking in two. I grit my teeth, moaning my release while he continues to lick at my clit, prolonging my orgasm until I use my foot to push him away. Without words, he stares at me as he stands to remove his clothes. My eyes are glazed over, and I feel lightheaded. He grips me under my knees again, pushes them up toward my head, and with perfect precision, plunges deep and deliciously into my wetness. He feels so thick taking me this way and I can feel a second orgasm building. He suddenly stops and I open my eyes to see his beautiful green eyes staring at me. Eyes that have flecks of gold and emerald boring into my soul. He lets go of my legs and I entwine them with his. He feels so good. I don’t ever want to leave this space, this cocoon of us where there’s no danger, no distractions, just us. He puts the whole weight of his body on me and presses his forehead to mine.
“I love you so much baby.”
He’s stroking my face, moving my hair so that he can see all of me and kiss my tears. He cups my jaw and kisses me with those delicious lips. Speaking against his mouth, I say,
“I love you, too, so much.”
His thrusts are slow and purposeful, and my orgasm is building as I move with him, staring deep into his eyes. It doesn’t take long before we both take that plunge into a release so blissful, that I feel dizzy. We lay there, breathing each other’s breath and, in this moment, I realize that I have to fight for us. I feel so torn because I let my needs cloud my judgement and I know I shouldn’t have allowed this to happen, at least not tonight. I’m not sure if I have it in me to fight for us right now, but I know I can’t let her win. It’s too good and we can’t allow her to take this from us. As hard as this is, I know what I need to do.