She kisses me like the ship is going down.
Maybe it is. At the moment, it feels like it.
But this is the only thing I can do. Claim her mouth, her cunt, her bliss.
Her heart.
After, we separate.
She leaves first.
I wait five minutes. To give her time. But it's too long. My thoughts grow with every second.
Her plastic cup is still on the desk. There's a drop left.
And there's her lipstick. Marking the cup the way it's marked me. I know that taste. That mix of Luna, mint, gin, Campari.
There's no reason to bring the glass to my lips.
Even if it's a drop.
Even if it's nothing.
I've been solid for six weeks. I can make it through the next four.
I'm okay.
I'm surviving this.
But my shoulders still ease the second I move into the hallway. I clean up in the bathroom. Slip downstairs.
The party is already booming. Not full swing, but close. Two dozen people are packed into the massive living room/den. A couple making out on the arm chair, friends smoking in the backyard, people dancing by the speakers.
And the bar. Right there. In its usual spot next to the kitchen. Packed with every liquor and mixer imaginable.
I taught Holden well. Too well.
Now, I—
"Interesting look for you." Holden nods hello. Like my irritation summoned him. "I like the red. Brings out your eyes."
"The red?"
"Your lipstick? New shade. A lot like the one Luna wears. Maybe you borrowed it."
Shit.
"Suits you. Really does."
I wipe my lips with the back of my hand.
"You still smell like pussy."
"Whatever you're going to say—"
"What I'm going to say? To try to help you get away with your hypocritical bullshit? How about thanks for not ratting me out?" he asks.
"I need to thank you for not snitching now?"
"After all that shit you gave me about solidarity? Right here. At the fucking party? Do you want her to walk in on you?" He shakes his head. "I've been trying, Oliver. Trying to let you have your fucking space. To have time to get over your shit. Yeah, I made a promise. I shouldn't have broken it. At least, I should have told you. But Daisy's an adult. She can make her own choices. And this is what she wanted."
"Holden—"
"Don't Holden me. You're full of shit."
"I want to be over it."
"You think I'm stupid? That I don't know you were upstairs fucking your sister's best friend?"
"Can you not?"
"She's outside," he says. "So's your… Fuck, I guess I know why you're so pissed. Because I want to slap you right now. What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you know what it would do to her? If she lost her friendship with Luna."
"I know," I say.
"Do you?" He shakes his head. "Guess I'm the same as you. A fucking hypocrite. But… stop it. If it's something real, if it's serious, if you love her… okay. But tell Daisy. Before someone else does." His eyes flit to the backyard. It's too dark to make out details. But Luna's silver hair catches the light. Daisy must be next to her. "And if it's not serious… well, fuck you, for playing with her feelings."
"Your Luna's defender now?"
"Saying what your sister would."
I swallow hard.
"She deserves better. You know that, Oliver. You've been around her for a long time."
"I'm not playing with her feelings."
"You love her?"
"It's none of your business," I say.
He shakes his head exactly. "You think I like being this guy?"
"It's not like that."
"Do you love her?"
I do. It hits me all at once. A truth I can't deny.
And another one.
One just as obvious and a million times worse.
He must notice the revelation on my face. Because he softens. "Fuck. I don't like being an asshole."
"You don't?"
"Not this kind of asshole. Just… figure it out, okay. And try not to hurt her. Please. For her sake. And Daisy's."
"Yeah."
Is it possible? To do this without hurting her?
No.
But in the long run…
This is for the best in the long run.
Chapter Forty-Four
Luna
Between the post-orgasm glow and drinks with my best friend, I ease into the party. I don't even mind when Holden pulls her away with a promise to satisfy then send her home at a reasonable hour.
Or when Patrick and Dare make it their personal mission to tease me until they earn Oliver's attention.
I can see why they're friends with Holden. They're troublemakers, through and through. And they have a rapport. Like the one Holden and Oliver have.
Or had. I'm not sure anymore.
Okay, so, maybe I flirt with Patrick. Maybe I want to see if we can make Oliver jealous. Maybe I'm too low on inhibitions to care that it's immature and silly.
It's too hard, keeping this to myself. I want to tell the entire world.
Oliver Flynn is… maybe not my boyfriend. But something.
Handsome, difficult, caring, protective, hot as hell.
Sure enough, Patrick's flirting earns his attention. The second the troublemaking tattoo artist pulls me into his lap, Oliver appears outside.
Like he really did materialize from the ether.
Even in the costume (really just an orange hoodie and jeans now that he took off his wig), he looks stern.
Upset.
About this? Or something else.
Patrick turns to Oliver and raises a brow.
Oliver shoots him a get lost look. "I'm gonna go."
"Now?" I ask.
His eyes flit from me to Patrick. Then back to me. "Yeah. There's too much shit going on."
With Holden and Daisy?
With us?
With the party atmosphere?
Everyone is drinking and cavorting and he's sober. Fuck. I should be holding his hand. Not out here, trying to make him jealous.
"I'll go with you." I rise to my feet. "I'm pretty beat."
"Uh-huh." Dare shakes his head yeah-right. "This might be the worst come-on I've ever seen, but, somehow, it's working." He turns to Patrick. "Or maybe she wants to get away from you that bad."
"Maybe she wants to get away from you that bad," Dare returns.
"Maybe it's 'cause you didn't offer to double-team her." Oliver rolls his eyes. "Get some new material."
"I'll go too," I say it again.
He shakes his head don't. "Stay. I'll see you—"
"I don't want to stay."
"You should." His expression hardens. "That's for the best."
He moves away from the guys. Toward the corner.
I follow him into the side yard. "Ollie…"
"Luna, don't."
"Don't what?" I reach for him. Get his hoodie. "I'm sorry about Patrick. He was flirting. I knew it would annoy you, but—"