Only ever me.
“I love you,” he panted against my damp skin. “I love you so fucking much.” Cameron kissed my throat, licking and sucking, branding me with his lips and searing me with his touch.
“Harder,” I cried, clinging onto Cam’s broad shoulders for dear life as he pushed me toward the precipice of sheer bliss.
“Fuck, Hailee.” He slammed inside me, once, twice... until I shattered around him, crying his name over and over.
Cameron stilled, riding his own waves of pleasure. He gathered me into his arms and just held me.
“It’s okay,” I whispered against the corner of his mouth. “It’s going to be okay.”
But as I said the words, I knew it was a lie.
Because this was one thing I didn’t know how to fix.
Cameron
“Come here,” I patted the bed and Hailee climbed in beside me. After we’d cleaned up, she had reheated some leftovers and we’d eaten together before calling it a night.
I was weary from practice and Hailee was tired from the way I’d used her body against the wall.
“How are you feeling?” she asked me.
“I’m just worried about him.”
“I know. But you can’t fix everything, Cam.”
I couldn’t, I knew that. But if I was there, if Xan had me there to talk to, to distract him...
Fuck.
Guilt chewed me up inside. He was my kid brother. My little shadow. He was lost and no one knew how to help him.
“They’re coming to the game Friday?”
“Yeah, Dad booked them into the hotel on Denton Avenue.”
“I’m sure seeing you will cheer him up.”
“Yeah.” He usually perked up whenever I went home or he visited us, but as he’d gotten older, he’d started to pull away. Although I knew it was irrational, I couldn’t deny it felt like he was punishing me.
“Can I ask you something?” Hailee sat up, and I nodded. “Do you ever regret coming to Michigan with me?”
“What? No! Hailee, that’s not—”
“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, I’m not.” She gave me an uncertain smile. “I’m just trying to understand how I can help. It’s senior year. I don’t want you to spend our last year here together resenting me.”
“Hailee, stop.” I cupped her face, stroking her cheek. “I don’t ever want you to feel that way.”
“So, you’re happy here?”
“I...” I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lie to her, not when she’d been there every step of the way.
“I can’t help but wonder if he’d be this way if I’d have stayed.” The words were like a sheet of ice between us and I instantly regretted them.
“You never said anything.” Her voice cracked. “All this time and you never—”
“I didn’t want you to think I didn’t want to be here. I do, so much. But he’s my brother, and he isn’t getting better, he’s getting worse.”
“So, what do we do?” Her eyes filled with tears and I hated that I was the one to put them there. But this conversation was long overdue.
Over the last couple of years, Xander had become the elephant in the room. But I constantly reassured her this was what I wanted. Because it had been.
When my mom got sick, Hailee had stood by me through the hardest few weeks of my life. I wanted to come to Michigan for her, to put her first. But now I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Xander was family, my blood, and everything in me was screaming at me that he needed me... but Hailee, she was my heart, my home.
How the fuck was I supposed to choose between them?
The answer was, I couldn’t.
Cameron
“Cameron.” Xander shot at me like a bull out of a gate and I opened my arms catching him.
“Hey, Xan, it’s good to see you.” He clung to me like a spider monkey, so I slid my arms under his butt and carried him into our building.
“How’s school?”
“Ugh. Don’t ask. I hate that place.”
“No way? Don’t you have Mr. Gellar? I remember that guy, he was always a hoot.”
“Well, he’s a real asshat now.”
“Hey, watch it,” I scolded him, and he grumbled, “Sorry, Cam.”
Hailee and my parents trailed in behind us, and I lowered my brother to the floor to greet them properly.
“Son, it’s good to see you.” Dad stepped forward and pulled me into his arms. I could see the worry lines around his eyes, but they were no longer because of mom. Instead they were caused by the seven-year-old currently drilling holes into the side of my head.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Cameron,” Mom nudged her way between us, looking up at me with weary eyes. “Has it really only been a few weeks?”
“Yeah.” I chuckled, but it was strained.
“And Hailee,” Mom went to my girl. “You get more beautiful every time I see you.”
“Thanks, Karen.”
“Excited for the game tonight?” Dad asked.
“Yeah, but I’ll not be excited about spending the day with this little squirt tomorrow.” I tackle hugged Xander, and his laughter was like music to my ears.
“Oh, Clarke, look.”
Xander instantly stiffened at Mom’s words. “Relax,” I said. “She’s just happy—”
“Yeah, whatever.” He shirked me off and went and sat on the couch. We all watched him, silence descending over the four of us.
“Why don’t I make some coffee?” Hailee suggested, giving me a reassuring smile.
“Thanks,” I said, sliding my eyes back to Xander. He’d pulled out his handheld computer game, his thumbs working overtime as he pressed the buttons.
“How is he, really?” I asked my parents and their expressions fell.
“We don’t know what to do anymore, Cameron. He’s completely shut us out.”
“I’ll talk to him.” I ran a hand through my hair, releasing a heavy sigh. But as I watched my brother, one of the most important people in my life, I feared talking wasn’t enough anymore.
Hailee
“Are you excited to watch Cameron?” I asked Xander as we sat in our seats. It was the opening game of the season, and a big rivalry game against Ohio State, so the atmosphere in the Michigan Stadium was electric.
Karen and Clarke sat on the other side of Xander, giving the two of us some space. I’d noticed how strained things were between them and their son, and my heart ached for them all.
He shrugged, and I nudged his shoulder. “It’s okay to be excited, you know. But if you’re not, that’s okay too.”
“I just really miss him,” he admitted.
“He misses you too. So much. He talks about you all the time.”
“He does?” He stared up at me with big blue eyes, just like his brother's.
“Yeah. Cameron loves you so much, Xander.”
“But he left.” His lip quivered, but he steeled his expression.
For a seven-year-old, Xander Chase had excellent resolve. It’s why his mom and dad struggled so much to get him to open up to them.