“It’s not like I try to make people hate me.” He shrugged.
“Nobody hates you, Xan.” God. He was seven. It was too young to harbor such negativity but here we were.
“Well, they don’t like me. Harry Jones and his friends all say I’m weird.”
“You are not weird.” A sense of protectiveness flooded me, and I wanted nothing more than to call Jase and Asher and ride down to Rixon and hunt down Harry Jones and teach the little punk a lesson or two.
“It’s okay, Cam. I know I’m not like most other kids.”
Fuck.
His words were so innocent, but there was so much conviction behind them that he might as well have punched his little fist into my chest and ripped out my heart.
“You’ve gotta tell me how I can fix this, Xander.”
He looked at me with big, sad eyes and said, “When are you coming home?”
“As soon as senior year is done, I’ll be back. It’s not long really, not when you take out the holidays and spring break.”
“And then I can come stay with you and Hailee?”
Jesus. This was really happening. My kid brother was choosing me over our parents.
“You can come and stay, yeah. Hailee told me the two of you talked about it?”
“She didn’t really give me an answer.”
“You’ll always be welcome to stay over, Xan, you know that. But Mom and Dad would be really upset if you didn’t want to live with them anymore.”
“But I want to live with you.” He twisted his hands in his lap.
I wanted to ask him why, to make him tell me why he felt this way, but I knew he didn’t have the answers. If he did, we wouldn’t be sitting here right now.
“Xan, look at me.” I slid my fingers under his chin and tilted his face to mine. “Do you have any idea how much we all love you?” His lip quivered. “Mom and Dad would do anything to make you happy, but you need to talk to them, buddy. They can’t help if they don’t know what’s wrong.”
Silent tears began rolling down his cheeks and he wrapped his arms around me, burying his face into my chest. “I don’t want anyone to leave me, not again,” he murmured against my sweater.
“Seven months, Xan,” I said, rubbing his back. “Seven months and I’ll be home.” But as I said the words, I already knew I’d be looking at my schedule to see where I could make more trips back to Rixon. I couldn’t ignore this, not anymore. Something was going on with Xander, something huge, and he needed me.
“Hey, you don’t call, you never write,” Asher chuckled. “I’m beginning to think you don’t love me anymore.”
“I texted you just the other day.”
“Text smext. I need to hear your voice.”
“I’m hanging up—”
“Relax, I’m just busting your balls. What’s up?”
“I need to cancel guys weekend.”
“What?” he gasped. “No way!”
We’d arranged a weekend away since we all had the same bye week. It never happened, so we’d planned on making the most of it.
“I’m going home, I need to—”
“Xander?”
“Yeah. He needs me.”
“So, we’ll all go,” he said, as if it was the simplest answer.
“But we have the tickets.” We were going to catch an Eagles game. Jase’s dad had some old friends in high places and they’d managed to get us VIP passes.
“Xander is more important. We can take him to a Rixon Raiders game and boost his cool-o-meter. The girls will be lining up for a chance with the Xan-man.”
“Ash, he’s seven.” I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“Nothing wrong with starting early.”
“I can’t believe they gave you your foster license.” He and Mya had been approved over the summer. They didn’t plan to become active foster parents until after graduation, but they had wanted to be prepared.
“What? The kids love me.” He chuckled. “But seriously, me and Jase can come with you. Xander will love it. We’ll be like the four amigos causing chaos. Just like old times.”
“I appreciate it, Ash, I do, but...”
“You need some bro time?”
“Yeah, I think we do. He’s got this crazy idea into his head that he wants to live with me and Hailee when we move back to Rixon.”
“Hold up.” I heard the surprise in his voice. “You made the decision?”
“Yeah, I think so. He’s getting worse. My mom and dad don’t know what to do with him anymore. Things will be easier if I’m around.”
“I get it, I do, and I hope you don’t think I’m talking out of line here, but do you think that’s the right move?”
“What do you mean?” My brows bunched together.
“Xander is already incredibly attached to you. If you go back, it might only compound that. He needs to deal with whatever it is going on in his head. The counselor should be able to help.”
Xander had recently started sessions with a new therapist. But he was resistant, unable to articulate why he felt the way he felt.
“How are your mom and dad holding up?”
“It’s taking its toll. Mom isn’t sleeping and my dad just throws himself into work and then feels guilty.”
“That’s rough. I’m sorry, Cam. If there’s anything we can do...”
“Thank you. I’m hoping if I’m around more, he’ll settle down at school. I made him a calendar of every weekend I’ll be home.”
It had been Hailee’s idea. We’d printed it out and it doubled as a countdown until graduation. Mom had helped Xander pin it on his wall beside his bed, and every morning, he crossed off another day.
I couldn’t get back to Rixon every weekend, not with games, but I’d managed to work it so I could go home at least once a month. Then there were longer holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas.
It was a lot to juggle but I needed to make it work.
“So if you’re planning on returning to Rixon after graduation,” his voice sobered, “what does that mean for the draft?”
“I haven’t gotten that far yet.”
Xander needed me now. He needed to know I planned on being around more. Everything else had to take a backseat for now.
“I get it. I’m here, whatever you or your family needs.”
We chatted for a little bit longer. I asked about Mya and we talked about Hailee’s latest installation at an independent gallery in the city. By the time we hung up, I felt lighter.
Talking to my best friends had that effect on me. We’d been through so much together. It felt good knowing that they always had my back, no matter what.
Over three years apart, but we were stronger than ever.
Brothers bound by choice not blood.
Family.
And I wouldn’t change them for the world.
Hailee
Senior year wasn’t quite what I expected. I thought Cameron and I would enjoy our last year of college, that I would flourish with my art and he would carve out a name for himself among NFL scouts.