She was confused and upset, and various parts of her body hurt, and she wanted everything that was happening to stop for a few minutes.
She wanted Carter, and he wasn’t there.
TWO HOURS LATER, IN the emergency department at the local hospital, Ruth was herself again. Her disorientation was either from the jarring of the accident or from the bump on the head she’d received, but it didn’t last. They made her lie down and checked her out and sent her for a couple of X-rays. The conclusions were that she’d sprained her wrist (it had probably gotten yanked too hard by the motion of the steering wheel), and she had a mild concussion.
That was good. That was nothing. She wasn’t worried about either of those injuries. The problem was that they wouldn’t let her go home unless there was someone to take her. She told them she could just get a ride share, but they didn’t think that was good enough. If they were going to send her home, she had to have someone to stay with her to make sure there weren’t any complications from the concussion.
Otherwise, she’d have to stay at the hospital, and she wasn’t about to do that.
The argument she had with the doctor on this topic was the last straw in a very hard day. She was almost in tears as she tried to explain that, yes, that was an engagement ring on her finger, but her fiancé wasn’t available.
She finally told him she had someone to call who would come to get her, and that satisfied him enough to leave her in her curtained-off room alone.
She looked at Carter’s number for a minute, but she didn’t call it. She called Brent instead.
Naturally, he didn’t pick up. He hardly ever answered his phone. So Ruth tried Kayla, who picked up on the second ring.
“Hey! What’s going on? I wasn’t expecting to hear from you this early in the day.” There was a smile in Kayla’s voice, like the girl was happy to hear from her.
Ruth was tired of lying on the uncomfortable bed, so she sat up on the side of it. “Hey, Kayla. Is your dad around?”
“He’s out right now. He and the boys went to a cookout or something. They said I could come, but it sounded terrible, so I said no. Did you need him for something?”
“Yeah. I guess I do. I... I was in a little car accident.” At the squeaking sound she heard from Kayla, Ruth hurried on, “I’m fine. I’m totally fine.”
“Oh my God, Ruth! What happened? Did you get hurt?”
“Not really. Just a little. I sprained my wrist, which is annoying but no big deal. And I bumped my head. Not bad, but they’re kind of worried about it. So I need someone to drive me home. And then I was hoping maybe you could spend the night with me. They said I needed to have someone with me, just in case the concussion is worse than they think.”
“Oh. Okay. I can definitely spend the night. But Dad and the boys won’t be home for another hour or so, I think.”
“That’s okay. I can wait. If maybe one of them can come to the hospital to pick me up, you could ride along, and they could drop us at my place. I really think it’s no big deal. They just want to be careful.”
“Okay.” Kayla was speaking slowly, like she was thinking. “Why don’t you just ask Carter? He’d do it no problem. Then you wouldn’t have to wait for Dad. I could still come over tonight if you wanted, although Carter would probably—”
“No, no. I don’t want Carter.”
“What? Why not?”
“No reason. Just that he doesn’t need to deal with this hassle.” She knew it was irrational—even as she said the words, she knew they didn’t make sense—but it felt very important to her right now that Carter not get dragged into this mess.
“I don’t think he’d mind. Did you ask him?”
“No, I said I didn’t—”
“Have you even called to tell him?” Kayla sounded aghast, which made Ruth feel even worse.
“No. I’ll talk to him later. Kayla, it’s really fine. I’d just be more comfortable if your dad or one of your brothers could do it. If you don’t mind staying with me.”
“Of course I don’t mind. I’d do anything in the world for you. You know I would.”
It was a sign of Ruth’s shattered state of mind that her eyes pooled with tears at her stepsister’s sober words. “Thank you.” Her voice broke, but she mostly held it together. “If you can just keep me updated and let me know when your dad gets home. The nurse said it would probably be at least an hour before I can get signed out of here anyway.”
She hung up the phone after Kayla had agreed and they’d said goodbye. She patted the brace on her wrist. It was kind of hot and itchy, but it was small and didn’t obstruct her motion very much. As far as injuries went, it could have been a lot worse.
She still had a pounding headache. The nurse said she’d be bringing her some Tylenol, but so far there was no sign of it.
Ruth stood up. Her whole body felt sore. She wasn’t sure why. It didn’t make much sense that a little car accident would make her entire body hurt that way. It wasn’t like she was bruised up or anything.
She walked around the small room, trying to stretch her legs. Looking down at her phone, she brought up Carter’s number again but still didn’t connect a call.
He would have come right over. She knew he would. He would have done the same thing for anyone. He was that kind of person.
Carter would have helped her. He’d have taken her to pick up Kayla and then taken them both home. Or else he would have convinced her to stay over at the Wilson house where she would have been treated like a queen and had the best of care.
He would probably be annoyed at her for not calling. For not letting him help.
She couldn’t even explain to herself why everything inside her rose up in rebellion at the thought of asking Carter for help.
Kayla and Brent were her family. The only family she had left. Carter wasn’t her family. This wasn’t his job.
She wanted him though. She wanted him so much. She wanted him to put his arms around her and tell her that everything would be okay. That she wasn’t alone. That she wasn’t going to have to spend the rest of her life dealing with hard situations like this entirely on her own.
It was all she could see. Day after day. Year after year. Dealing with her own problems and also the problems of the people around her. Exactly as her mother had her whole life.
Her mother had always carried everyone. So would Ruth.
And, like her mother, she’d never have anyone to carry her.
When she realized she was shaking helplessly, she leaned against an empty space on the wall, using the stability of the wall to control her trembling. Then her legs couldn’t seem to hold her any longer. She started to slide down until she was sitting in a heap on the floor.
The floor of a hospital was the last place she normally would have wanted to be sitting, but it fit her mood at the moment. She bent her legs up and leaned her head forward to rest on her knees.
She tried to stop herself. She always did. But this time she couldn’t control it. She was as lonely as she’d ever been in her life.
So she cried right there on the hospital floor.
At least there was no one around to see it.