My throat clogs with emotion. It’s exactly how I feel about Clara.
She offers me peace and relief. A break from the stressful reality of the clinic.
I stop pacing, and Brooks claps me on my shoulder. “Guess I hit the right chord?”
I give him a small smile. “You did. Thanks.”
“Don’t thank me. Thank the bastard who let me shadow him and didn’t kick me out when I got too obnoxious.”
“True. If he was still able to have faith in the world after spending even one minute with you, that’s impressive.”
“Get out, fucker.”
“I have a date tonight, anyway.” I place my hand on the door, then pause. I turn to him, and he’s staring at the ground. He’s smiling, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He’s seemingly lost in the square tiles on the floor like they’re a puzzle. “You should tell her how you feel.”
His smile falls like it melted off and fell to the ground. He takes a step forward, and I imagine him crushing that smile beneath his Italian loafers. “I don’t know what you mean.”
I tilt my head. “Staci. Don’t wait until she moves away and fifteen years have gone by. You should tell her how you really feel before it’s too late.”
He grinds his teeth like he’s chewing on my words.
I leave him to his own thoughts and head to Clara’s for my own confession. I won’t let her go without a fight.
Using a key she gave me, I let myself into her house, ready to stand my ground and convince her I’m in this for the long haul. That it won’t always be easy, but I’ll do everything I can to make it work.
I find her in the kitchen. There’s no sign of Jacob, but he’s probably asleep since it’s past nine o’clock.
She turns to me, and I speak first. “I won’t lose you. I want to be with you because you make me forget the bad. You make me see the beauty in the world.” I hold her stare for a moment. “But my job is also important to me. I can’t put it on the backburner, and I can’t promise the hard days won’t get to me. But I’m sorry I took it out on you last night. You don’t deserve that.”
She bites her lip like she’s contemplating her next words.
My stomach lurches.
I hate that I don’t know what she’s going to say. I used to know her next sentence even before she did, but this is more new territory for us.
I take a tentative step forward. “You said it yourself—you want a new normal. We still haven’t figured it all out, but I want to. I want to make this work and move forward, but I want to do it together. What do you want?” I hold my breath.
She moves forward, her lips twitching with a watery smile. “I want that too,” she whispers. “I want you. I know it won’t be easy, and you’ll have to be patient with me too, but I want you.”
I exhale with a whoosh.
“But that’s not all we need to talk about.” She fidgets with her hands, making me hold my breath again. “Mitch didn’t want any more kids. It’s why we didn’t try again after Jacob. But I always wanted more. I want a girl I can play dress up with. Another boy to play sports with Jacob. I just want more kids, whether it’s one more or three, and I need to know you’re on the same page as me.”
I clutch my chest, feeling a heavy weight lifted. My smile spreads slowly, like the warm honey my mother used to put in tea. It used to soothe me, and I feel the same now as my body relaxes. “I want kids. I want to have kids with you. You’re the only person who’s ever made me want those things. Maybe we can’t have five kids like I originally wanted”—we both laugh—“but kids? I want our house full of screaming and laughing kids, who draw on the walls and scatter their toys for us to break our toes on.”
“Really?” Her eyes shine with tears.
“I want Jacob to be a big brother. To give him a brother or sister he can dote on. I know my job will make it hard for me to be here for everything.” I hold her hands in mine, peering down at them as I rub my thumbs over her knuckles. “My dad was usually busy, but somehow, he managed to ensure our family never felt forgotten. That we were his priority.” My eyes flash to hers. “I want to try, Clara. I’ll spend the rest of my days trying to show you how much I love you and Jacob. How hard I’ll work for us. With you, I want to try.”
She jumps into my arms with fervor, then kisses me.
She kisses me with the fierceness I knew she had all along.
Clara’s strong. Resilient. But that side of her dimmed the last few years, and I never want to take it away from her.
She always says I’m there when she needs me. That I’m her rock. But she’s mine. She’s always been the strong one. She just needed a reminder and time to find her way back.
Now, as she wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist, she’s fiery. Confident.
“Dax?”
Clara and I freeze. To our side, Jacob stands in the doorway, rubbing his sleepy eyes.
“Is it morning?” His eyelids are heavy as he tries to peer behind us and out the windows. “It’s still dark.”
I set Clara down, and she rushes to him. “No, honey. It’s late, and you should be sleeping.” She ushers him to his room.
“Bye, Foreman Dax,” he calls over his shoulder.
“Good night, Architect.” I rub my hand down my cheek, over my twitching lips.
After a few minutes, Clara reappears. Before either of us speaks, she grabs my hand and leads me out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and to her room. She locks the door behind her and jumps back into my arms.
I cling to her, vowing to never let her go with every kiss, caress, and touch.
I sweep my tongue along her bottom lip, then dive into her mouth, wanting to consume her the way she’s consumed me.
“I love you,” she whispers against my lips as our teeth clash.
“I love you. Always have. Always will.” I set her on the bed.
Stepping out of my pants, I watch her in the dim light.
She bites her lip.
Her eyes continue to shine.
We completely undress, our gazes locked. Once there are no clothes or secrets between us, I crawl onto the bed, hovering over her. I push her hair to the side and kiss her lips, softly. Lovingly.
Clasping her hands above her head, I trail kisses along her jaw, down her neck, across her breasts. I take my time with her to show her my love. To let her feel it.
I kiss down her stomach and make my way up again as my fingertips glide down her arms, cheeks, and shoulders, until I cup her breasts.
She gasps, squirming underneath me.
“What do you want?” I place a hot kiss between her breasts as her chest continues heaving. “Tell me what you want, Clara.” My voice is gruff. I fight the urge to rush this. To have her. To find relief.
But I remain as collected as possible and savor these moments.
“I want you.” She squirms again, reaching for me. “I need you.”
Still holding her breasts, I gently bite her nipple, then move to the next, continuing my slow, carnal assault.
She moans, and her feet kick out from under me as her hips buck.
I pin her down, wanting nothing more than to worship her entire body until I die happily with a smile on my face.