I stop myself from inwardly rolling my eyes. Why am I suddenly so catty?
“That’s amazing.” I squeeze her hand. “Congratulations.”
“And what about you?” She nudges me with her shoulder, her eyebrow quirked. “How are you and Dax?”
My cheeks immediately flush. “I’m good. Dax is good. Works a lot.”
“Of course.” She shrugs like she knows exactly what I mean, and jealousy rages inside me. “But tell me the juicy details. How did you two finally get together?”
“How do you know we’re together?” I pull my hand from hers.
“Oh, come on. You’re not in Atlanta anymore, doll. Here in Sunnyville, everyone knows everything because they see everything.”
“Right.” I steady my voice, extremely uncomfortable and unsure how to handle running into Dax’s ex-girlfriend. The only woman to have made him almost consider commitment. If he hadn’t broken it off with her, we wouldn’t be together now. “Well, when I moved back to town, one thing led to another, and it just happened. I was as surprised as anyone else.”
“I’m not surprised. I always knew he had a thing for you. He never admitted it—not to my face, anyway—but I knew.”
“Oh, I’m—”
“Don’t get me wrong”—she holds her hands out—“I’m so happy for you two.”
“Thank you.” I tuck a strand of hair that blew in my face behind my ear.
“Besides, he did me a favor. If he hadn’t broken up with me, I wouldn’t have moved to Riverville, where I met Josh at my new gym. We’re moving in together in a couple weeks.”
“That’s great.” My nerves settle as I take in her genuinely happy tone.
“So, when are you two getting married? And having a big family, I assume? Dax always wanted five kids, at least.” She giggles, seemingly as comfortable as if she were talking to a long-lost friend.
I pause, my mouth open.
Dax wants kids? Since when?
He’s always been fond of Jacob and is like a father to him, but I never knew he wanted kids of his own.
“Oh my, listen to me, I’m getting ahead of myself, aren’t I?” She squeezes my hand one last time. “I’m just very happy for you both.”
“Thank you, Dani. That’s really sweet of you.” My shoulders relax, and I’m actually thankful I ran into her. “And I’m glad you’re doing well too.” I point with my coffee toward the Modern Family building. “I have to run.”
“Of course, of course. I’ll see you around.”
I head to work in a daze. Hope blooms in my chest like a balloon inflating. I always wanted a big family too, but Mitch didn’t.
It’s what caused so many problems for us. I always thought he’d change his mind, and he thought the same about me. Then I realized neither of us would change, and it created so much tension between us.
After Dani’s seemingly innocent statement, I start to have hope that I’ll have the big family I’ve always wanted.
As I walk to work, my emotions amplify with every step, but I tell myself to wait. To not overthink every detail and get myself worked up.
When I reach the office, I send Dax a quick text to tell him we should talk.
The sooner the better.
Forty
Dax
Her text to meet her after work alarms me.
She wants to talk.
She wouldn’t end things, would she? Not over my job?
I lean back in my chair at my desk, sighing in frustration. It’s almost time for my next appointment, and I have to focus. This is what I signed up for.
I knew what I was getting into when I became a doctor.
But I never imagined I’d get my chance with Clara. She was the only one I’d settle down for, but I never thought she’d be mine.
Now that she is, I’m starting to worry about what kind of future we have. If we have one.
A couple weeks ago, I was imagining how I would propose. I have the ring. I called her father to set up a good time to talk, but what if it’s not what she wants?
Focus, Pearson.
I take a deep breath and clear my head in order to be present for my patients. They come to me—entrust me—to do my job well, and I’ll do everything I can to be the best doctor possible.
Twenty appointments later, I’m finished for the day and head to Brooks’s office. I need to talk to someone before my head explodes. I stand in front of his door and knock. When he calls for me to come in, I find him behind his desk, a deep crease in his forehead. He’s unshaven and wearing his glasses too.
“What, you forgot your contacts, or did Staci throw out all your stuff before you moved out?” I close the door behind me and hold my hands out.
“No.”
“No, you didn’t move out like you told me, or no to Staci throwing out your contacts?”
He stands from his chair and crosses his arms. “No, she didn’t throw them out. I just haven’t been out to get new ones yet. It’s been a crazy fucking few weeks.”
“Tell me about it.”
“These glasses did get me two ladies’ numbers, though.”
I study him. “Really? And you’re happy about that?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? I’m single. They’re single and don’t want anything serious. Works for me.” He shrugs.
His voice is distant and very unlike the Brooks I know.
“Even if you found someone serious, what would you do with them?” I ask, cringing.
He pauses, seemingly contemplating his answer. “I don’t know. People like us… we don’t do commitments and the big, happy families. I mean, it works for a rare few, but let’s face it. People on the outside don’t get what we do.”
I stay silent.
“I guess you and Clara are starting to see the realities of all this.”
I sigh. “I missed Jacob’s game, and we had a big fight last night. Now, she wants to talk.”
“Ouch. Did you tell her about Ed?”
“Yes.” I scratch my chin. “I started to, anyway, but I don’t know what to say. How do I explain this to her?”
He rounds his desk and places his hand on my shoulder. “I don’t know the answer, but I do know you and Clara are great together. If anyone deserves to find happiness with commitment and a family, it’s you.”
“But how do we make this work?” I pace in front of him.
It’s a question I’ve repeated in my head. One I wish I could ask my dad. I wish I could get a clear answer—if he even had one.
I’m starting to wonder if one exists.
My dad showed up for us when he could. I don’t remember him and Mom ever arguing when he couldn’t, but it doesn’t mean they didn’t.
I just remember how happy he was when he was with us, even when I’d overhear him tell my mom it had been a hard day.
Brooks smiles wistfully. “My mentor during my undergraduate career got engaged halfway through his residency. I asked him how they made it work since, hell, I saw him more often than she did. He said, ‘It’s not about the time you don’t have together. It’s how you spend the time you do have together.’ Said when he was with her, she made him have faith in the world. It wasn’t all death and blood and paperwork. You know, he was ancient, so they still worked with hard copies back then.” He smirks. “But his advice was good, nonetheless. When it came to his relationship, he was just a man with a woman, and they were in love.”