Five fingers spread wide, angled toward me. Beckoning me. I knew what it’d mean if I took his hand, if I allowed myself to dive back in. Despite everything, I wasn’t sure. “Where’s Hailey?”
“Hailey?” Lucas blinked, a crease between his forehead. “I’m not here with her, Blaire. I—I’m here by myself.”
“You are?”
“I told her I couldn’t go with her.” Lucas’s face was somber, as serious as it had been the day I’d told him I couldn’t be with him anymore. “She wasn’t the one I wanted to be with.”
For a split second, I was thrown back to that day, to that moment. That exact moment when the words had tumbled from my mouth, and I’d watched his face go from concerned to alarmed, worried to panicked at the idea of me breaking up with him. He’d reached out for me, as if a mere touch would wipe my words out of existence.
In that moment, I’d pulled back, afraid his touch would do that very thing.
I slid my hand into his, the warmth of his grasp flooding over me, starting from my hand and working its way up through my entire body. Without wasting a second, I entwined my fingers with his, holding on.
I tried to angle my face down, focusing on the way Lucas’s hand curved over mine as he led me away from the crowd’s center. His skin was darker than mine, my fingers were slenderer than his, but our hands fit together perfectly. Like a song I hadn’t heard in years, but I still knew all the words to. A scent I hadn’t smelled in forever, bringing back a flood of memories. Two puzzle pieces, molded together in a perfect fit.
People ambled by us as if we were ghosts passing in the night, but I didn’t lift my gaze to see if anyone looked at us. Most wouldn’t have thought anything of a couple wandering around.
I jolted. A couple.
Lucas pulled us around the edge of the clocktower, into a darker corner beneath one of the weeping willow trees. Its branches nearly touched the ground, overgrown and swaying in the breeze. Lucas, despite my death grip, released my fingers, facing me while straightening his shoulders. “I—”
“Let me go first,” I said, because I’d lose my determination if I let him say anything that would distract me from an apology. “I never told you why I broke up with you.”
A strange look passed over Lucas’s face. “No. You didn’t.”
“That letter. The one my dad sent me? I got it the day…the day I broke things off. Seeing his letter, it was a huge reminder that he left me. Not that I could ever really forget it, but it was like a slap in the face.” I swallowed hard, my face starting to warm. But I had to keep going. “It got me thinking about the night before, when we almost—well, it made me think about if it was so easy for my dad to walk away, it’d be that much easier for you to leave too. And I panicked.”
More like I’d self-destructed. Instead of talking to Lucas about it, instead of talking to anyone about it, I’d started burning bridges. Struck a match and lit everything on fire.
I looked down at myself, at the way the dark hemline pooled onto the grass. “I’m so sorry for not telling you the truth. I’m sorry you got dragged in the middle of everything.”
Breathe, Blaire, I tried to tell myself, but I couldn’t. It was impossible when I knew Lucas stood there, saying nothing. I could hear his steady breathing, see his shoes from the corner of my eye, but no words came out of his mouth.
Until— “You didn’t break up with me because you don’t love me anymore?” The words were barely above a whisper. “You were afraid I’d leave you?”
I made a face at the ground. “Maybe I broke up with you because you’re a bad listener.”
“Blaire Beverly,” he said. The expression on Lucas’s face was nothing short of soft. I couldn’t describe the way he looked at me, like I was some sort of precious jewel that’d been offered out to him. He dipped his head. “Do you seriously think I’d just give up on us without an explanation? That I’d leave you all alone?”
I held his gaze, trying to be like him and scan the depths of his soul, but I could never see deeper than the surface. I always got too lost in the color. “My dad did. Why couldn’t you?”
“Why do you think I’ve stuck around all this time? Even after you dumped me, I was there. Even when you didn’t want me to be, even when you straight-up ignored me. I love you. I’m not going to walk away.”
For some reason, that only made everything worse. “We’re in high school, Lucas. What if you only think you love me because you don’t know any better?”
Lucas reached out and pulled one of my hands into his, touch gentle enough to draw goosebumps, much more potent than the shivers of the night breeze. “As much as I know it right now, I know that I love you.”
No idea where all the oxygen had gone, because suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. Hearing him say those things now made something turn over inside me, like a deadbolt on a door flipping open. I imagined slapping my hand over it, trying to flip it back, but it was no use.
And I wanted nothing more to return the smile, to dissolve into his embrace like I had so many times before.
But something in me held back. “I’m snarky and dramatic and shove things down and do the wrong thing. A lot. I hurt you. How can you just forgive me?”
“I want this, Bee.” Lucas’s expression filled with hope and tenderness, one that could’ve made me start to cry again. “I want to be there for you. Watch scary movies and video-chat with you later when I’m afraid of the shadows. To help with the catering and kiss you on my couch. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, not anytime soon. I’m all yours.” He added, “If you still want me.”
Each one of his words settled inside me, like little stones settling at the bottom of a stream. He was Lucas, beautiful Lucas, offering his heart to me even though I’d crushed it before. With his dark hair and stunning blue eyes, curling smile and gentle touch.
“I’m no princess,” I whispered to him, trembling, staring at the spot where our fingers joined. With my free hand, I grabbed the black material of my dress, lifting so the hem pulled from the ground. “But the shoes do sort of fit.”
Lucas’s gaze dropped as I lifted the bottom of the dress to reveal the horrible, tiny, ugly plastic shoes I’d shoved my feet into. They felt two sizes too small, like they always had, but now I found myself not hating them as much. I thought of all the times I’d given Gram crap for these shoes, and now they came in handy.
My princess shoes glittered in the dull light, looking almost like actual glass slippers.
Lucas looked at them for a long moment, as if the shoes themselves were a spell that held his gaze. I held my breath as the moment of quiet expanded, hoping he understood, my heart about to burst.
And, ever so slowly, he looked up, at me. “They don’t really match your witchy getup, Bee.”
A startled laugh burst from me. “This is me trying to say I’ll be the sort-of princess to your prince. You’re supposed to be a couple at this party thing, right?”
The grin on Lucas’s face lit up my insides, realization dawning. It was his real smile, his brilliant teeth showing, the dimple in his bottom lip coming out, the indentation on the left corner of his mouth pushed in. He reached out and pulled one of my hands away from my dress, linking his fingers through mine.