My muscles ached, and between my legs was tender from how many times we went at it last night, yet thinking about Grant standing behind me while I was bent over already had my body thrumming to life.
I bit my lip. “Then why are we still in bed?”
A few heartbeats later, Grant lifted me from the bed and cradled me in his arms. I yelped in surprise, but truly I loved it. I loved the feeling of being in his arms, and the way he could toss me around like I weighed nothing.
He carried me into the bathroom with a condom between his teeth, and then we did exactly what he’d said he wanted to do. He fucked me from behind over the sink while I watched. It was fast and furious, but no less satisfying. We both came hard, and it was a perfect way to wake up. After, we got ready quickly and went downstairs to join the rest of the wedding party for brunch.
Mia’s eyes lit up when she saw us. My hair was tied back in a wet ponytail and Grant’s was slicked back from the shower. She pointed to the empty seat next to her as we approached the table. “Get your butt over here.”
I looked at Christian. “Your wife is very bossy.”
He smiled and looked at Mia with admiration. “My wife…I like the sound of that.”
Grant took the seat across from Christian, and the two of them fell into easy conversation. The newlyweds were going to Kauai for their honeymoon, and apparently Grant had been there before, so they spoke about what boat tour to take and some helicopter ride.
Mia attempted to grill me on how things had gone with Grant, but I would only say we had a good night together. Though the smile on my face and the flush still on my cheeks from an orgasm twenty minutes ago probably told her a lot more than what came out of my mouth anyway.
Overhearing Grant and Christian talk about where Grant had stayed in Kauai, Mia interrupted, “Oh. I saw that place online. It looks gorgeous. But they were sold out. Apparently they lost more than half of the resort in a storm a few years back.”
Grant nodded. “Didn’t know that.”
“How long ago were you there?”
Grant’s eyes flickered to mine for a moment. “Eight years ago.”
I felt a stab of jealousy, though I knew that was stupid. Grant had probably gone to Kauai on his honeymoon. His marriage was long over, and we’d just spent an amazing night together growing closer, yet I still felt jealous. I tamped down my silly emotions and tried not to let them spoil the euphoric feeling I’d come in with.
“So, Grant…” Mia pointed her fork at him. “Now that I’m an old married woman, I think I should warn you that I’ve mapped out my friend’s future. Ireland and I are going to be neighbors with white picket fences and little boys born within a week of each other named Liam and Logan.”
I laughed. “Mia decided this in fifth grade. We used to walk by these adorable matching houses on our way home from school every day. Two sisters owned them, and they sat on one porch every day on our way to school drinking coffee, and on the way home they were always seated on the other porch drinking iced tea. We used to wonder if the tea was spiked.”
Mia bumped her shoulder with mine. “Ours will definitely be spiked.” She looked at Grant. “So which name do you want? Liam or Logan?”
Obviously it was too soon to be talking about anything serious between Grant and me, but the entire thing was said in good fun.
Only Grant’s answer was serious. “I don’t want children.”
All of our smiles and laughter disappeared.
“Really?” I said.
Grant nodded.
A horrible feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. I knew it wasn’t the time or the place for this discussion. Unfortunately, Mia wasn’t going to let go so easily. She waved at Grant. “Lots of people say that—until they meet the right person. You’ll change your mind.”
Grant’s face remained stoic. He looked at me and then down at his breakfast.
There were a few minutes of awkward silence after that. Mia knew I wanted children. And I didn’t just want one; I wanted a few. I’d grown up an only child and always longed for sisters or brothers. Eventually Christian changed the subject back to sports, and he and Grant returned to light conversation. Mia and I exchanged a few glances, and though I joined in the discussion around the table, I couldn’t really get past what I’d learned.
Grant and I hadn’t even been seeing each other long, so I didn’t think it should bother me so much. But the bottom line was, I really liked Grant. Most other ideals and values had a workaround for couples. If one wanted to live in the city and the other the country, you could compromise and have two homes or live on the outskirts of the city where it was a little more suburban. If a husband wanted a stay-at-home wife, and the wife wanted to work, they could compromise on a part-time job. But there wasn’t any middle ground when it came to having a family—you either had one or you didn’t.
I tried my best to put a smile on through the rest of brunch, but Grant’s comment was like a nagging, dull toothache. When it was time to say goodbye, Mia and I hugged.
“Have a great time,” I said. “Send pictures.”
She smiled. “I will. And don’t worry about what Grant said. I’m sure he’ll change his mind. Men don’t know what they want until you show it to them. Well, except a blowjob. They always want a blowjob.”
I smiled back. “You’re right.” Though inside I wasn’t so sure. Something about the way Grant had said the words made him seem pretty sure.
Grant and I had to go back to our room to get our luggage. I hadn’t even realized how quiet I’d been on the elevator ride up or while I packed until he came up behind me in the bathroom. He rubbed my arms as I grabbed my toothbrush, and spoke to my reflection in the mirror. “I didn’t mean to catch you off guard or upset you. I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “It’s okay. There’s nothing to be sorry about. Mia put you in that position by talking about her life plans.”
Grant nodded, but our eyes stayed locked. I got the feeling he was waiting for me to say more. So I did.
“Do you…really not want children?”
He nodded.
“Are you sure?”
He frowned and nodded again.
“But you’re so great with Leo.”
Grant guided me to turn around and tilted my chin up so our eyes met directly, rather than through the mirror. “I don’t want children, Ireland.”
“Is it because you were in foster care? Do you mean you don’t want biological children because there are so many kids who need homes?”
He stared into my eyes. “No, I don’t want children at all.”
It felt like a hit to my gut. Because I somehow knew by the look in his eyes that his decision hadn’t been made lightly. We’d had such a great night, and I’d never expected that a moment of teasing this morning at breakfast would bring such an immediate and sudden halt to the excitement of what was growing between us. It was shocking, really.
I looked down. “Okay.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s fine. I guess it’s better that we have this discussion now than down the road. It’s just that…” I looked up and felt my eyes well. Which seemed ridiculous. This relationship was so new, yet it felt like I’d suffered a loss. “I really want a family someday. Two or three little ones close in age, maybe a golden retriever named Spuds—a real full house. Not tomorrow or anything. But when the time is right.”