As she lazily ran her hands over her shoulders, she recalled what Nicholas used to call her. "My darling Esther," he would say, a lovely smile on his lips. "You're exquisite."
He always made her feel beautiful, like she was the only one who existed.
"Oh, Nicholas,” she cried. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed. Why had he done this to her? Why had he left her? Why did he betray her? Why?! After all those years of courtship. She had looked forward to their wedding. She had looked forward to becoming his wife.
She sat up as her tears came rapidly in torrents. She sank into the water subconsciously, as the water slipped higher, rising to her lips and then, her nose. Esther gasped, rose quickly, and emerged from the water. She looked down into the tub, her tears ceasing to run.
Lady Esther, you must know that your wellbeing is important for only your sake and no one else.
Her breath hitched as she recalled his words. She backed away from the water, shivering slightly, her body dripping wet, droplets of water from her body kissing the floor in drops and making everything wet. The water looked like her enemy. She sobbed louder this time, still staring at the water. She backed away, her shoulders shaking.
She nearly screamed when a cloth was draped over her shoulders from behind, concealing her nakedness. She turned abruptly, only to see Marlene looking away. She wrapped the cloth rapidly around herself and stared wide-eyed.
Marlene looked up slowly. When she saw that Esther was well covered, she let her concern show. "My Lady, are you alright?"
Esther watched her wide-eyed, still slightly startled but very well aware. Slowly, she shook her head as realization dawned on her. "No. No. I'm not alright, Marlene, and I fear that I may never be again."
"I have sent word to Katherine and Anne. You'll be going to see a play at the theater," Lady Kendal announced as Esther took her seat and placed a napkin on her lap.
"I don't want to go anywhere today, Mother."
"Well you must, my darling." Lord Edward Bowen, Earl of Kendal, placed his teacup aside and smiled at his daughter. Esther always melted when he did that. Because they smiled alike, she took after him in looks, and it didn't turn out so badly. "Lord Milway will indeed pay for what he has done to you, by breaking up the engagement for no just reason. He will pay for humiliating you before the ton."
Esther swallowed as her father's eyes turned cold. She had never really told anyone what had transpired between her and Nicholas. And she was starting to think it was the best idea. Even though they had parted on quite bad terms, she wouldn't want to ruin anyone. Telling her family the real story about Nicholas meant trouble.
"I am fine, Papa. It would soon be over. Surely before the season runs out, the ton will be focused on something new."
Her father gave her a look and stared at his tea. "I hope so."
Esther breathed out forcefully before averting her attention to Lady Kendal. Her mother stirred her tea and nodded at Esther. "My dear, you should wear a nice gown. Not a muslin. After seeing the little children at the orphanage, you may head over to the theatre with your ladies."
Without argument or pouring out the protest she had internally, Esther nodded and turned to her tea.
"Also I was thinking, perhaps we could organize a ball. Another ball. Not now; however, I'm still trying to figure it all out."
She knew what her mother wanted. She wanted another ball to try to find her suitors as the last one didn't play out as planned. Esther shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Her mother's gaze burned her forehead, and she was sure Lady Kendal expected that she agreed to what she was proposing. Esther knew that her father would never allow a ball if she didn't want it. He always listened to her, more than anyone.
"Is that so, child? Do you wish for another ball to be thrown?" her father asked.
Esther didn't look up from her tea, but she nodded. "I'd like that very much, Papa."
"Very well. Two fortnights from now, your mother would throw you another ball." He pushed his chair back as he rose. He walked over to Lady Kendal and placed a kiss on her cheek. "I have meetings which require my attendance today."
He walked over to Esther as well and kissed her forehead. "You look beguiling, child."
"Thank you, Papa."
He nodded and headed outside. The moment Charles, the head butler, pulled the entrance doors open and shut them, Lady Kendal slapped her hands on the table. "Esther, you have to pull yourself together. Marlene complained to me, said she saw you looking disheveled, bothered, and in tears. Esther, once the servants hear and see things, they would most certainly run off spreading gossip all over town. I do not want you to be the topic of any gossip. Servants are deadly. They know all, see all, and although they are sworn to secrecy, whatever happens, it doesn't mean that word would not get out. Be careful of what you do and when. I will hear of no talk about you being in pain. You will make them think Nicholas has ruined you for life!"
He has, Mother. He has.
Her mother voice softened. "Darling, think about the family. Think about your reputation if word gets out about this, Esther dear. As you know, it wouldn't sit well with the ton if word of you being broken were to go around. They would think there was more to this. We cannot let that happen. We will not. We will throw another ball, and by then, we will find you another suitor. One better than Lord Milway. And this time, you will keep him."
The orphanage didn't look the same to her. The children weren't smiling. All of them looked like she did. Sad, lost, unhappy, and wandering. She could tell by the way they looked at her, by the way, they flinched when she touched them.
It was worse today. Her mother's words replayed in her head, and all she could think of was how to get over Nicholas. He had hurt her.
She squatted in front of Augusta; the little girl had her curly hair tied roughly behind her neck. Esther smiled as she stared at the hair. It reminded her of how Nicholas had liked hers.
"Come on, I'd like the hair swept back, away from your cheeks," he would say and then pull her hair back, make her curls rest on her back. She would giggle as he did this. Esther smiled and let her attention settle on Augusta properly. Her small smile faded.
The red scar on her left cheek was visible as the child frowned. The girl had suffered very much. Her father had been a cartwright, but she had lost her parents and older twin brothers in a fire. The child was barely ten, but she often looked as though she carried the weight of the world.
Esther was in the ward, where the children’s medical needs were attended. The physician arrived with his assistant today, and all Esther had to do was check up on the little angels to make sure they were doing well. Augusta didn't smile at her. Esther wondered if there was anything wrong.