His left hand then moved, going to the small of my back.
He gently pushed.
“Step into the shower, love,” he whispered.
“Josh…”
“Listen to me.”
I took the first step into the shower. I felt like I was going to fall. That my legs were made from rubber. I managed to get into the shower, the water hitting my left shoulder and side of my face.
Josh’s right hand disappeared, but before I could say a word, his left hand slid around my body with speed and purpose. When he dipped down between my legs, I jumped and cried out. My hand grabbed his shirt.
“Your shirt,” I said in a breathless voice.
“It’s fucking water, love,” he growled.
I bit my lip as two of his fingertips pressed against me. I looked down and saw his long sleeve getting soaked, clinging to his arm.
My legs started to shake as he entered me. Slow and thorough, curling at the right spot, gently sliding back out only to go right back in again. I reached forward and put a hand to the cool tiled wall. My knees started to bend as the pleasure was already threatening to mount.
In my mind I screamed to calm down but that was impossible.
This was Josh.
I couldn’t control myself now.
We had gone too far.
We had sprinted past the line and there was no going back.
“Fuck,” I whispered as I bit my lip.
His right hand crested over my ass and began to knead.
His left hand worked its magic, testing my depths, leaving me wondering how deep he could go with something else. I lowered my head and felt the back of my legs tighten, forcing my body to jerk forward. He eased his fingers out of me and curled up, spreading my petals open and pressing against my tender clit. With just one circular motion, I had to put my other hand out to keep from falling. I was literally melting in front of him, just because of his touch.
“Now, love,” he said in a low growl.
My knees parted a little more and I bent further as I felt my climax attack me from deep within. Like a boulder gently rocking at the top of a steep hill, inching forward that last bit and rolling faster by the second.
I threw my head back, my hair half wet, slapping behind me, slapping Josh and I let out a cry of relief. My voice bounced off the steam filled walls. It was a thick fog in the bathroom as I rocked back and forth, my left hand moving from the wall so I could grab Josh’s wrist. I held him where I needed him until I was finished.
Then I pushed him away.
That’s when his right hand swept around my belly and he pulled me back to him.
My wet body against his shirt.
He was getting soaked but he didn’t care.
I was shaking. My heart racing. My mind pissed at my heart. But my mind secretly wanting more.
“Shhh,” Josh whispered as he kissed my cheek. “Finish your shower, love. Then I want to take you somewhere. Show you something. Another piece of my story.”
Josh let me go and shut the shower door.
It groaned, shaking the entire bathroom like a rushing freight train.
I listened and finally heard the sound of the bathroom door opening and closing.
I turned and faced the water, letting it hit my face and wash everything away.
But there was no washing Josh away.
Time had its chance to do that and it didn’t happen.
Now I was closer than ever.
And I wanted everything he had to offer.
I had no idea where he was taking me. I made a small list in my head. But a cemetery wasn’t on that list. My mind and body were still reeling from what had happened in the shower. The hottest part of it (besides Josh touching me) was the way he acted as though nothing had happened. He was the same Josh, but I was certainly not the same Amelia.
That moment… his touch…
It had played through my mind so many times for so many years.
Josh parked his SUV on a dirt path and turned it off. He reached for my hand before I could get out.
“This is me, love. The pieces you’ve always wondered about and wanted. All the moments that collected together to make me into me.”
“You don’t have to do this, Josh.”
“I do. Because it’s the only way I’ll understand you. And what your life was really like. He hurt you. I know that. I know he hurt your mother. He really hurt her. But did he hurt you in the same way?”
“No,” I said, my heart squeezing. I looked around at the cemetery and gritted my teeth. “No. I fought back. I always fought back. She never did.”
“You were always strong, Amelia.”
“She was too,” I said. “Just not when it came to him. Ever. Even after he was gone, she was the same. No. Worse. She grieved him. She grieved him so hard and I never understood it.” I looked at Josh. “That’s what finally made me drive her away.”
“She’s still alive?”
“Somewhere.”
“Damn. That’s heavy.”
“No. It’s not. We did what we had to do for each other to survive.”
“See? That right there, love. That’s strength. If that were me, I’d be halfway through a bottle, looking for something to relieve the thoughts.”
“Like that woman at the restaurant?”
“Ah. Right. Michelle. You know she left. And I’m never going to lie about who I am. Or what I want.”
“I have to say, being sweet talked in a cemetery is a first for me,” I said.
“Come on.”
We walked side by side, but we didn’t hold hands. Not that I expected it.
As we weaved through the stones - new and old - the part of my brain that demanded writing, storytelling, the complete ending to everything wondered about all these lives that were lived. Birth to death, the moments in between. Life and family. Love and hurt.
“I don’t know why I brought you here,” Josh said as we stopped. “You know the story. I just… I haven’t been here in a while. To see her.”
It was his grandmother’s headstone.
An angel cut in the stone, praying, large wings. Inside the wings were splashes of emerald green.
“Joshiphene,” I said.
“I was named after her,” Josh said. He put a hand out. “Before you get mushy on that, my father did that to get on her good side.”
“It’s a great name. A strong name.”
“That’s who she was. Great and strong.” He rubbed his jaw. “Ah, fuck, love, I’m still connecting all the dots. Right over that mountain was where you used to find me. I always wanted to save you, but it was bad for me too. I’m sorry about that.”
“I wish I knew about her,” I said. “Your grandmother. I can’t believe you went through that alone. All the way to the end?”
Josh nodded. “To the end.”
“And your father…”
“Never around,” he said. “His new life and his new family captured all of his attention. That’s why I did what I did all the time.”
“I’m sorry, Josh,” I said. “I really am. I can’t imagine seeing him take care of other people and leave you behind.”
“It wasn’t just me, love,” Josh said.
He crouched down and put his elbows to his knees.
I stepped to the side and gave him a few seconds to himself.