“Believe him?”
“When he said everything was okay.”
“Uh… yeah.” Axel smiled. “Why wouldn’t I? You know he’s always honest with us.”
Luke shrugged. “He just doesn’t seem very okay since he came home. Cochise either.”
Sighing softly, Axel nodded. “I’ve noticed. But that’s to be expected. They had to deal with a really bad situation when they were gone.”
“With more kids?”
“Yeah.”
They entered the house, the warmth of their home engulfing them as soon as they stepped through the rear door. Luke shed his jacket and Axel unfolded the blanket from Hope’s head. She was asleep. He smiled and kissed her face and took her into the bedroom.
When Axel returned to the living room, Luke was sitting on the sofa, his feet tucked beneath him as he chewed his thumbnail.
“You okay?” Axel sat beside him.
“Did they save some more kids?”
“Yeah.” Axel leaned forward and shoved his hands through his hair as he stared at the carpet. “But they lost one. A little girl. Clint tried to save her… but he couldn’t.” He blinked, breathed deep, and straightened up. “He blames himself, but it wasn’t his fault.”
“What happened to her?”
Axel stared at him, the horrifying images conjured by Jax’s and Jesus’ words haunting his mind. “The details aren’t important. All that matters is that Clint did everything he could to help her.”
“Did she die because bad men hurt her?”
“Luke,” Axel murmured. “You don’t need to know the specifics.”
The boy stared at him, eyes damp. “What could you tell me,” he whispered, “that I haven’t already seen? At the orphanage, they raped us and beat us and… and some didn’t make it.” He bit his lip, his throat working. “I’ve already seen hell. Nothing you say is gonna make it worse.”
Watching Luke transform into a happy kid these last couple of months… Axel sometimes forgot the nightmare he’d escaped. But Luke hadn’t forgotten.
“I know,” Axel said quietly. “But I don’t want to repeat it.”
“I think it still bothers Clint… what happened with Grace.”
Axel exhaled slowly. “It does.”
“It’s not good that he lost another little girl, is it?”
“No.” Axel swallowed, his throat hurting. “No, it isn’t.”
●●●
The two gangsters stared at each other for a long, tense moment, then Cochise looked away. He gripped the porch rail, his expression as brittle as the evening air. “So… what—we’re just going to say fuck ’em and forget they exist?”
Clint walked closer. “No. We won’t forget. But what do you want us to do? This is bigger than us. The whole shit system is corrupt all the way to the top—but they’re still in control.” Clint exhaled hard. “Fuck, brother, if it was just a trafficking ring, we’d go after them and not come back until every last one of the fuckers was dead. But these people… they aren’t like the scum we dealt with at the orphanage or even the warehouse. They’re protected by the fucking government. Even the actual traffickers—you know fucking well the higher-ups have their hands in that as well. What the fuck are we supposed to do?”
Removing his hat, Clint shoved his fingers through his hair—longer than he usually kept it—then replaced the hat. I’m so fucking tired. Not “party” tired—life tired. Sick of the nightmare that they never really escape. Exhausted by the constant reality that—no matter how many kids they save—there are more out there, caught in this fucking horror show.
“I don’t know.” Cochise looked at him. “But I don’t think I can do nothing.”
“Me, neither. But I don’t know what to do.”
Cochise leaned forward and rested his elbows on the rail. “Do you think Alvarez got anything out of the warden?”
“No clue. Depends if he broke him.”
“I could break him,” the Egyptian muttered. “Should’ve let me question him.”
“The warden took his kid, planned to pimp him out to the prisoners… he may go to your level of torture to get what he wants.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Cochise straightened, eyes heavy with exhaustion. “I’m going to bed.”
“Me, too.” Clint patted his shoulder. “Try to get some rest and forget all the shit, for tonight anyway. I’m sure Kane can help you with that.”
Cochise smiled weakly. “If anyone can.” He stared at Clint. “You rest, too. And talk to Axel.”
Clint looked away and Cochise grabbed his shoulder, demanding his attention.
“Talk to Axel.”
Releasing a stiff breath, Clint nodded. “I will.”
Clint left the porch and crossed the yard. The grass was already growing crisp with a forming evening frost. The chilled air swept into his lungs, freezing his throat and nostrils.
Try to rest and forget all this shit.
Easily spoken—not so easily executed.
There was no forgetting—not even for one night.
The moment a spec of silence settled in, Clint was thrust back to the prison, to that cell—locked outside as the little girl’s screams and choking cries tore through his head, shredding brain matter, crippling his mind.
She was right there—right fucking there!
His feet faltered until he was standing still.
She was right there in front of you and you didn’t save her.
“I tried…” he whispered shakily.
Not hard enough! his mind railed.
Tears burned and he closed his eyes.
“Clint…?”
His eyes opened slowly, and a warm tear rolled down his face, chilled by the time it seeped into his beard stubble. “Axel…”
CHAPTER 6
Being Human
Clint.
He’d prepared himself for the break but hadn’t expected it to come on so soon or so suddenly.
Axel crossed the porch and stepped onto the cold ground. He took Clint’s hand. “Come inside.” The cowboy didn’t resist as he led him into the house and out of the cold. “Clint…” Axel reached out to wipe the chilled tear from his face—and Clint pulled away.
“I’m okay.” He cleared his throat and swept his palm over his face. He looked in the living room. “Is Luke in bed?”
“Yeah,” Axel murmured. “He was pretty worn out.”
Clint sighed. “Me, too.” He sniffed and glanced past Axel. “I think I’ll shower and head that way myself.”
“I think we need to talk.”
“We will,” Clint mumbled. “After I shower.” He walked away without inviting Axel to join him.
This new direction the men had taken—rescuing children—was taking its toll, and not only on them but their families as well. It had Axel worried—mostly about Clint and Cochise. The things they saw, the things they did… the human mind had to find a way to cope. A typical person dealing with typical stress might talk to a therapist. But these were not typical circumstances. Regardless of doctor/patient confidentiality, there was no one Axel trusted enough to counsel the men—learn of their activities—and not betray them to the authorities.