I couldn't sleep. There was far too much shit running through my head for me to just crash. So I sat up and took another cigarette from the box, frowning at the sight of the final three I had in there. I'd been stealing smokes off of my momma since I could remember. But never Dad. I wasn't suicidal. Didn't matter if he was blind drunk or hanging out his ass, he knew how many he had right down to the tobacco leaf.
I pushed to my feet, sweeping my dark curls away from my face and glancing down at Rogue in JJ's arms. My heart ripped open at the seams and I found myself just staring, wondering what Maverick had that I didn't. I supposed the answer was pretty obvious when I thought about it. Maverick was Luther's prodigy, even if he wasn't meant to rule the Harlequins, it was clear he was being groomed to hold power in this town. I envied that on a deep fucking level. Him and Fox were destined to be something. Someone. The closest I was ever gonna get to a crown was mostly likely working at Burger King. Of course, I was well aware Luther had his eye on me and JJ too for his gang. I didn't like being told what to do, so the idea of being in a position where my friend's dad bossed me around rather than my own wasn’t exactly appealing, but I was willing to give it a shot. Because anything had to be better than living under Dad’s orders. I just wished there was a chance for me to do something important with my life too. Maybe in prison, now that I was an accessory to murder. Not that I was complaining. I might have been hurt by learning Rogue's real desires tonight when it came to all of us, but that didn't change how I felt about her. Even if she'd torn my heart from my chest with her fingernails, it would still belong to her. No matter how deeply she ever wronged me.
I headed through the arcade and opened the door, stepping outside into the balmy night air, dragging down a lungful of it before lighting up a smoke and sucking down some poison. I'd watched a nature doc once about a lion who'd ruled his pride, become a king among beasts. He'd been everything a lion could be, strong, ruthless, unshakeable. And then one day he'd pissed off the wrong buffalo, taken a horn to the gut and that was that. It was a reminder of how much of a bitch life really was. It didn't matter how strong you were, didn't matter if you were a king of your kind, fate could twist on you at any moment and it would be game over. So who cared if I smoked, or drank or jumped off the end of the pier whenever I felt like it? I was gonna suck every drop of goodness out of life, because one day I was gonna meet my own buffalo. And I was determined to have really lived before then.
I walked to my favourite spot on the pier, past the amusement rides to the very end where an old fortune teller machine stood. The creepy ass mannequin inside had paint flaking off its face and someone had carved a hairy dick into its forehead. Someone who may or may not have been me. We'd busted it open a long time ago, but left the fortune cards we'd found in there tucked into the slot at the front where they used to be dispensed. Whenever we came here, we each picked one out and tossed it into the ocean as a little fuck you to destiny. It had become a tradition of ours, but we were gonna run out of cards soon enough. There could only have been ten left by the looks of the pile.
I tucked the cigarette in the corner of my mouth, reaching for the top card and picking it up.
"What's it say?" Rogue's voice sounded behind me and I turned to her, arching a brow.
"Does it matter, little one?" I asked, my voice hardening as I tried not to think of her standing half naked in front of Maverick, offering him everything I could never have. But it was impossible. It was all I could think of. And my heart wouldn't quit with its breaking.
She shook her head. "Nope, but I always like to read them before they're tossed." She moved forward, snatching the smoke out of my mouth with a teasing grin before toking on it.
My gaze automatically moved to her tanned legs as she walked past me, climbing onto the wooden fence that overlooked the dark ocean. She’d clearly taken Fox’s sweatpants off at some point and it was seriously weird to see her wearing a pair of his boxers. The moonlight was filtering through the clouds, just highlighting the waves as they lapped beneath us. Somewhere out there was a dead guy because of us. And I hoped the fishes were picking his bones clean right about now, putting him right where he deserved back at the bottom of the food chain, just pond scum for the lowest creatures to munch on.
Smoke billowed out around Rogue in the wind and I moved to stand beside her, stepping up onto the bottom rung of the fence and it creaked under my weight.
"Read it out, Ace," she encouraged and I snatched my cigarette back from her before twisting the card over in my fingers.
"In the dark you'll meet, in the storm you'll wait, in the end you'll fly," I read it, rolling my eyes then flicking it out toward the ocean and it fluttered down into the water.
"I could write better fortunes than that shit," Rogue said, turning to grin at me.
"Go on then, write me a fortune," I urged, toking on my cigarette so the cherry lit up her beautiful face. And goddammit, it was such a beautiful face. I remembered when she'd been just a little girl with sandy feet and tie-dye dresses that were far too big for her. It was why I called her little one. She'd always been so fucking tiny. She was getting taller now, but I didn't think she'd ever be eye to eye with me.
"Alright, but I need to get a read on you." She shuffled closer then reached out, pressing her hand to my forehead and closing her eyes. "Ohmmm," she hummed dramatically and I snorted a laugh. "Shh, don't throw off my process - ohmmmm."
My eyes roamed over her face as her dark hair fluttered around her, caressing her cheeks like I so badly wanted to. But she was Rick's now, right? I'd seen what I'd seen. Nothing could change that. But her hands on me still made my heart pound and my breaths come heavier. I just wished...fuck, it didn't matter what I wished now I guessed.
"I see a crab in my mind's eye," she said in a deep voice as she did some weird ass impression of a man. Shit, I just couldn't help but grin. "I see this crab doing an enchanting dance for you that will be of great significance in your life."
She dropped her hand, opening her eyes slowly and pretending she was coming out of a trance.
"Where's this crab then, little one?" I played along.
She leapt off of the fence and dropped down into a squat, waving her hands and snapping her fingers together like pincers as she shuffled along sideways then back the other way. I fought a laugh for as long as I could, staring at this mad girl and trying not to love her. But it was impossible on both parts. My laughter filled the air and she snatched my hand, pulling me down beside her as she tried to get me to crab dance with her, bumping her hip against mine.
"Come on, Ace," she begged as I refused to join in, folding my arms as I finished up my cigarette. "I'm trying to forget what happened tonight and I need you to squat and crab dance with me."
"You're not gonna get me acting like a crab," I said, flicking my butt over the edge of the pier and pursing my lips at her.
"Too late for that, you've been Mr Crabs all night," she said, snapping her finger/pincers at me.
"I'm not Mr Crabs," I muttered, frowning.
She stood upright at last, moving forward and reaching up to smooth the crease out of my brow before trailing her fingers down to the bruise on my jaw. "Is this why?"