broken when I met you, met you.
I was cold,
scared,
broken when I met you, met you.
You walked into that smoky bar
and sucked the air from the room.
You lit my world on fire
and suddenly
there was nothing but you, but you.
* * *
My singing stops, as do my fingers. What am I even doing? I’m in a rock band that refuses to cover romantic songs. This will never make it past my living room walls. I push the pad of paper away and lay down the guitar. I finish off my glass of Jack and go to put my glass in my sink. As I’m turning off the lights and locking up, someone knocks on the door. I look through the peephole and see Daniel. Even though I know I should, I don’t hesitate opening the door. He gives me one look and somehow manages to read every emotion bubbling up inside me. Seconds later, he’s stepping into my apartment and pulling me against him, his lips on mine. The door gets slammed shut as he picks me up against him, carrying me to my room.
Monday comes around and as I’m getting ready for this meeting, excitement and nervousness are filling my entire body, making it almost feel weighed down. Today is like the moment of truth. Today will forever change my life. I’ll either get everything I’ve ever wanted and lose Daniel in the process, or I’ll lose everything I’ve ever wanted and get a guy I’m not totally sure about. I want Daniel, but do I want to spend my life with him? We haven’t been together long enough to figure that out yet.
I grab my things and head toward the door, meeting up at the garage with the band so we can drive over together. Van and I haven’t talked much since the night we got into the fight. We’ve had practice every night since, but neither of us has even uttered a word in the other’s direction unless it was about the music. We came in, did our job, and left without so much as a hello, goodbye, or fuck you.
As we’re all leaving the garage to pile into the van we take to gigs, Van pulls me aside. “Look, Luna, I meant everything I said the other night, but I’m not trying to butt into your life. I’m just concerned for the band and our future. It wasn’t my place to say those things, but I felt they needed to be said. Can we please let this go so we can enjoy this day?”
“You’re right, Van. It wasn’t your place to say those things. In fact, everything you said I’d already thought of before. I know now isn’t the time to get into a relationship, which is why Daniel and I aren’t serious. We’ve already had the same discussion. He knows that if I have to choose between him or this band, I’ll choose the band. We’ve worked too hard and for too long to give up an opportunity like this.”
He looks at me from beneath his lashes. “So, we’re friends again?” He offers up a small, hopeful smile.
I laugh. “We’re always been friends, you idiot.”
He laughs and pulls me in for a long hug. “All right, let’s go learn our destiny, shall we?”
“We shall,” I agree, leading the way to the van.
As we’re playing for the label, I try to avoid focusing on the outcome of this meeting. Instead, I trick myself into believing we’re just playing our usual set in some dirty, smoke-filled bar. I even imagine that Daniel is sitting in the audience, watching me with those intense eyes of his. I give the music my all, but it’s a bit different from playing in front of our usual crowd. They get hyped and I can’t help but absorb their energy. These stuffy, professional music-makers give me nothing but their attention. I’m having to pull the energy from within myself, and that leaves me feeling weak and tired.
We play our top three songs, and at the end, I’m breathless and feeling even more nervous. They whisper amongst themselves, their eyes always flickering back to us before going back to their whispers. I look back at the guys and they look just as nervous as I am. Van is chewing on his bottom lip, Ridge is twirling his hair around his finger, and Lane is tapping his hands on his thighs.
Finally, the three people sitting in chairs in front of us look up. The man in the middle smiles and says, “Congratulations!” The guys start screaming and picking me up, hugging and jumping. I don’t even get to hear the rest of what the man is saying.
The remainder of the afternoon is spent in a blur of meetings, paperwork, and talk of the future. It’s all just a whirlwind of one thing after another. Even though I’m filled with excitement, I’m also overwhelmed. There’s so much going on and so much to do—so many plans that it causes my anxiety to spike. We’re given the paperwork but I insist on having our lawyer check it over.
Technically, our band doesn’t have lawyer yet, but I happen to know one. Tuesday morning, I head over to his office with the file folder containing the paperwork. I walk into the office and there’s a pretty woman sitting behind the desk.
“Hello, do you have an appointment with Mr. Smith or Mr. Young?”
“I don’t have an appointment, but I’m here to see Daniel—I mean, Mr. Smith.”
“I’m sorry, Miss, but I can’t let you through without an appointment.” She starts looking at her computer, trying to find an acceptable date and time for me to return. As she’s looking at her computer screen, I take a few steps back, seeing the door to his office. I know it’s his because his name is on it. I quickly knock and open the door. Daniel is behind his desk with another man sitting across from him.
“Miss, you can’t go in there!” the woman yells from behind me.
Daniel stands up. “Luna, what are you doing here?”
The woman runs in ahead of me. She’s breathless from her short jog. “I’m sorry, Mr. Smith, Mr. Young. My eyes were only off her long enough to make her an appointment, and she was gone.”
Daniel holds up his hand, silencing her. “It’s fine, Katherine. Would you two give us a minute, please?”
“Of course,” Calvin says, standing up and moving toward the door with the breathless woman.
When the door closes behind them, Daniel takes a step toward me. “What’s going on?” he asks, fear and worry evident on his face, probably thinking I’m in some sort of trouble.
I smile wide. “We got signed!”
The corners of his mouth turn upward and he grins. “That’s awesome!” he says, picking me up against him and spinning me around. “I knew they wouldn’t pass on you.”
He sets me back on my feet and our eyes meet. His hands are still around my waist and I feel the tension between us begin to grow. It’s like we’ve both realized at the exact same moment that this means our time is nearly over. Sadness seems to settle over us both. Electricity pops and crackles between us, pulling us closer and closer until our lips are pressed together. I drop the file folder on his desk and reach up, wrapping my arms around his neck as our kiss grows more urgent. My hands move up to thread into his hair as I pull him closer. I need him closer. I need him as close as he can get because deep down, I think we both know that this could be our last time.
His hands fall from the small of my back down to my ass, and he squeezes it firmly as he picks me up against him. I’m only half-aware that I’m being moved until I feel him set me on top of his desk. With his hands now free, he pushes and pulls my clothing away until I’m completely naked and waiting on him like I’m just some sort of paperweight. As he frees himself from his dress pants, I work on unbuttoning his shirt and loosening his tie. If this is our last time, then I want to see all of him, touch all of him.