I take a sip of my Jack and Coke and let out a long breath. “I’m fine. Just tired,” I lie. I’m nowhere near ready to admit my feelings for a man who’s probably already moved on from me. It’s been a month since our last magical night together—both of us sticking to our word.
He cocks his head to the side. “I’m your best friend, Luna. And I know when you’re lying. Tell me what’s going on so we can fix it. Is it the band? The music? The label? What?”
My head tips back as I gaze up at the ceiling. “I miss him, Van,” I finally confess.
His eyes go wide. “Daniel?” he asks, almost like it’s unbelievable.
I just nod, unable to find my voice.
His shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Do you really think it would be better to get even more attached to him, and then head out on tour?”
I feel tears stinging my eyes. “I don’t know, Van. At least then we’d be together. Not this—not denying our feelings for each other and hurting the whole time. I’d be able to call him and talk to him. He could come to nearby shows. Anything has to be better than this, right?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t think you’ve thought this through, Lune. I mean, I don’t think it would be that simple. Long-distance is hard. Really hard. Most people don’t make it. And that doesn’t include being famous and in the public eye. You need to keep your head in the game. This shit you’ve been doing lately, well, it’s crap. You’re making us all look bad because you’re not giving it your all and everyone can see you’re faking it.”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I never wanted to hurt the band. I actually thought I was doing a good job at hiding it. “Thanks for that. Are you done?” I ask, lifting my glass and finishing it off.
His eyes falls closed like he just doesn’t know how else to get me to understand. I stand and leave the bar, ready to be home already.
I get a taxi and give him my address, but once we arrive and I find myself staring up at the building, something doesn’t feel right. It feels lonely and cold. Instead of exiting the cab and heading inside, I tell him to keep driving, unsure of where I’ll end up.
Eight
Daniel
One month without seeing her or talking to her. One month without hearing that beautiful voice of hers singing in my ears. One month of lonely nights and cold showers. It’s been the longest month of my life and I don’t know how I can keep going. Every day is a new fight with myself to put the phone away and head straight home after work. I’ve doubled my work hours, opting to focus on projects instead of letting my mind wander to her. When I’m not working, I’m killing myself at the gym. But some good has come out of it. I’ve managed to bump my runs from five miles to eight. My body is harder and more toned than ever. Not that that counts for anything.
I get out of the shower and pull on a pair of sweatpants. I run the towel over my hair—which is getting long because I haven’t had time to go get a cut. I also use the towel to dry the thick hair growing on my jaw, because I’m too lazy to do anything about it. Basically, I’ve given up on everything else while I focus on keeping my mind off of her.
I toss the towel into the hamper as I exit the bathroom and head to the drink cart in the living room to pour something strong enough to help me sleep. I grab the bottle of Jack and pour a glass. I’m not really a fan of the stuff, but when I drink it, it reminds me of Luna and I feel closer to her somehow. I bring the glass to my lips and throw back the liquid. My mouth and throat burn as the alcohol hits them. Someone knocks on the door and I finish the drink before setting down the glass and going to answer it.
I pull the door open quickly without checking the peephole and am shocked to see Luna standing in front of me. Her eyes are wide and her plump lips are parted. I freeze, unsure if she’s really standing in front of me or if my imagination is playing a trick on me.
“I . . .” she starts, but shakes her head. I don’t give her time to say anything else, because I’m pulling her against me in a lip-crushing kiss. She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me with heat and passion so hot they’re blinding. My hands are cupping her cheeks as I drink her in with this kiss. I let every aspect of her be felt, tasted. I focus on her soft lips, the sweetness of her tongue, her scent, her heat.
She breaks the kiss and our eyes lock. Hers are hooded and full of need. “I don’t know what I’m doing. All I know is that I need you,” she says, never tearing her eyes away from mine.
I pick her up against me and our lips meet again. I kick the door closed and lock it quickly before carrying her to my room. We collapse onto the bed in a mess of roaming hands and traveling lips. I kiss her neck and nip her collarbone. Her back arches and her breasts rise. My mouth moves down to them, peppering the swell with wet kisses as I work to remove her shirt. I pull back and tug the shirt over her head. The moment it’s off, she’s pulling me right back down to her, digging her nails into my back.
Being with Luna is like riding a roller coaster with a blindfold on. You never know where there’s going to be a sharp turn, twist, or drop. But it’s one hell of a ride and one I never want to end. We when finally connect as one, it’s better than I remember it being. She’s hot and tight around me. Welcoming. The moment we’re together, I’m already on the verge of exploding, but I refuse to let it happen. There’s no way I’m removing myself from her tonight. I don’t know if this is a moment of weakness or if it’s simply a repeat of the past, but either way, I don’t want it to end.
It’s going on 3 a.m. when we both find we’re too tired to move. I pull her to my chest and she wraps me up in her toned arms, her fingers playing with the patch of hair in the center of my chest.
“I’ve missed you,” she says, and those are the first words spoken since she walked into my apartment.
“I’ve missed you too.” I press a kiss to the top of her head.
“I know we agreed to break things off and stay away from each other for the good of us both, but it’s not good for me anymore.” She looks up at me in the darkness, but I don’t respond. “The band’s going to be here for at least six more months. That’s six more months we could spend together. Why do it in suffering?”
“Are you saying you want to pick up where we left off and push this pain away until we have to face it?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” She crawls up my body, straddling me with her hands on my chest and her eyes on mine. “Same terms as before. When we’re together, we’re together. When we’re not, we’re not.”
I move my hands up to her thighs, rubbing them up and down. “I can live with that.” I can’t hold back my smile.
“There’s one little difference though.”
“What’s that?” I ask, sitting up and pressing soft kisses to her shoulders, neck, and jaw.
“The band can’t know. Van is against us being together. He thinks you’re going to ruin us—that I’ll call off the tour to stay with you, or that I’ll end our career early to get married and have kids and a normal life. But that’s not going to happen. It can’t. I have people relying on me.”