Looking at the man, Nathanial remembered the way he had watched Miss Hawkins at the wedding celebration. “I do hope she accepts you,” he told him then, and before he could stop himself, added, “and that she means it when she does.”
Lord Markham paused, no doubt having taken note of the bitterness in Nathanial’s voice. “How long has it been?”
“Almost two years.” It seemed longer. Infinitely longer.
“Has she married another?”
“No.” In an odd way, her not marrying that Lord Mortimer made things even worse for it seemed that all the pain he had endured had been for nothing. Not even Abigail had found happiness. She had betrayed him for nothing, and now they were both miserable.
“Do you want her back?” Lord Markham then asked into the stillness.
Nathanial flinched; he could not prevent it. The thought shook his body as it shook his soul. To his great shame, he could not deny that a part of him still longed for Abigail, for the life they had together, for the life they were to have together. He had always wanted a loving wife, children to dote upon, a home, a family of his own.
Now, all that was gone. And now, Nathanial doubted that he would ever receive a second chance.
“Then you need to let her go,” Lord Markham said gently.
Nathanial closed his eyes. “How?” He had been trying to rid himself of these emotions, of his longing for her, of this bitterness she had forced upon him.
But to no avail.
Perhaps he was simply not strong enough to fight his way out of this. Not alone. Quite frankly, you look in desperate need of a friend. Nathanial wondered why his mind conjured Miss Palmer’s voice in that moment for he had not laid eyes on her since his brother’s wedding celebration. If she had truly meant to be his friend, would she not have…?
No, the thought was ludicrous. Of course, she had not meant what she had said. Women said many things and then later barely remembered them.
“One step at a time,” Lord Markham counseled as he settled his own mask onto his face. “One step at a time.”
Nathanial inhaled a slow breath as his gaze dropped to the mask in his hands. Would it be so bad to leave behind his life for a single night? To forget the past and simply live in the moment? To free himself of this constant gloom? Was it cowardly? Or was it simply human?
Pushing all these questions aside, Nathanial fastened the mask to his face, knowing that if he overthought this as he often did, he would never do it. Perhaps it was time to plunge ahead without thought. Perhaps he simply ought to take a leap of faith.
Only for tonight.
“Tonight, you’re not you,” Lord Markham said as though he had read Nathanial’s thoughts. “Tonight, you’re not Nathanial Caswell.” As though Fate had meant for this to happen, the carriage drew to a stop in front of an imposing townhouse and the two men disembarked. Nathanial forced all doubts from his mind as they proceeded upward the few steps to the large entrance. “There are no expectations here tonight,” Lord Markham continued in a hushed, but insistent voice, “no identities, either. Tonight, you can be whoever you choose to be. Say what you wish, do as you please, and forget about tomorrow. Perhaps in doing so, you will remember the man you once were.”
Squaring his shoulders, Nathanial drew in a deep breath and then stepped across the threshold, wondering if this was the worst sort of plan anyone had ever thought up.
Only here and now, he did not care.
Tonight was tonight.
To hell with tomorrow.
Chapter Ten
Two Women
Charlaine stood by the fireplace in the drawing room as she heard the dim sounds of someone sneaking across the foyer. A slow smile danced across her face as she turned to watch the door handle slowly being pushed down from the other side. Then the door slid open, revealing Miss Caroline Hawkins in its frame.
The young woman’s eyes were wide as she moved cautiously into the dimly lit room as of yet unaware of Charlaine’s presence. To Charlaine’s great surprise, the woman’s eyes were not hidden behind those thick spectacles she usually wore. Indeed, there seemed to be a lot more to Miss Caroline Hawkins than met the eye.
The young woman’s jaw dropped in shock the moment she beheld Charlaine, her eyes widening as though looking for a way out of a trap.
“I’m so glad you’ve received my message,” Charlaine exclaimed, smiling at Miss Hawkins reassuringly. “Please, do come in.” All would be lost if the woman were to bolt.
“Your message?” Miss Hawkins croaked as her face paled.
“Yes, I’m afraid so,” Charlaine admitted, then quickly crossed the small distance to Miss Hawkins’ side, took hold of her hand and pulled her into the room, swiftly closing the door. “I need to speak with you.”
Miss Hawkins’ eyes remained wide as she allowed Charlaine to urge her to the settee. She shrugged out of her cloak and then reluctantly took a seat, all the while watching Charlaine like a hawk, concern lingering in her pale eyes. Of course, if she were discovered here on her own in the middle of the night, she would most likely be ruined!
And yet, she had come.
“You need not be afraid,” Charlaine assured her as she sat down on the other end of the settee. “I swear I have no intention of harming you in any way.”
“Then why did you send a note in Pierce’s name?” she asked, suspicion still clinging to her words.
Charlaine’s heart rejoiced. “You call him Pierce? That sounds most promising.”
Miss Hawkins flinched, and more color drained from her face.
“I had hoped that there was a deep affection between the two of you. Pierce is utterly smitten with you, and I feared you might not reciprocate his feelings.”
At Charlaine’s confession, Miss Hawkins’ face finally regained some color, darkening her cheeks as she briefly dropped her gaze. “He is?” she asked almost breathlessly, telling Charlaine all she needed to know. Still, if they loved each other, what on earth was standing between them? It was about time someone helped them along. “Do you love him?”
Miss Hawkins flinched yet again.
Charlaine chuckled. “Do not worry. I asked him the very same thing, and the way he refused to answer was very telling.” She smiled at the young woman. “As is yours.”
Since Miss Hawkins continued to stare at her in utter shock, Charlaine went head. “Well, to answer your question: I sent the note in his name because I feared that otherwise you might not come, and I do need your help.”
“My help?” The trance seemed to fall from her limbs as her eyes began to move over Charlaine in a more lively manner.
Charlaine grinned at her guest. “To tell you the truth, I intend to sneak out of the house tonight and I want you to come with me.” After all, Miss Hawkins seemed to have ample practice when it came to sneaking out of the house…as was evidenced by her presence here tonight.
“Sneak out of the house?” Miss Hawkins gasped as though she would never in a thousand years contemplate the idea. “To go where?”
“A masquerade,” Charlaine exclaimed, unable to keep her eagerness at bay. Her hands clapped together in delight and her feet all but danced on the floor. Still, a part of her felt annoyed by how much a silly masquerade meant to her. If only she could enjoy London’s balls like other women. “I’m well aware that London society is not all that fond of me—apparently, I’m not the kind of woman they would welcome into their midst—and I must admit I’m growing tired of their pointed stares and hushed whispers.” There! She’d said it! “But I refuse to let their animosity dull my spirits.” Squaring her shoulders, she looked Miss Hawkins in the eyes. “Tonight, I want to enjoy myself. I want to dance and laugh and be looked at without judgment, and I think a masquerade is the perfect place to do so.” Smiling, she leaned forward, praying that Miss Hawkins’ spirit possessed an adventurous streak not unlike her own. “I thought you might feel the same.”