“You miss him,” she replied as though it were the most natural thing in the world, as though the way he felt did not make him a most despicable brother. “You miss him, and there is nothing wrong with that. We all want to be happy, but sometimes it’s hard. I do believe your brother would feel the same if your situations were reversed.”
Nathanial wanted to believe her. “You don’t even know him.”
The lady shrugged. “He’s your brother, and he loves you. What else is there to know?”
Staring at her, Nathanial felt a rather unfamiliar chuckle make its way up his throat and then past his lips. “You’re an unusual woman,” he observed without thought. However, tonight he was not supposed to be himself, was he?
The smile upon her face deepened, warming the chilled air around them. “Will you twirl with me then?” she asked, a daring tone in her voice. “For only a moment.”
Out of habit, Nathanial shook his head, his feet retreating backward. “I shouldn’t. I…”
“This is not about what you should or shouldn’t do,” she told him, holding out her hands to him. “This is about feeling alive.” She shrugged. “If only for tonight.”
Nathanial’s heart almost beat out of his chest as he contemplated her offer, her words, the temptation she presented. There was something utterly comforting about her as though he had known her his whole life, as though she were his closest confidante, as though he could trust her like no other.
As though she were his friend.
“Very well,” he said, surprising himself. Then he stepped toward her, holding out his hands.
Still, it was the lady who closed the last remaining distance between them and slipped her hands into his, holding on tightly. Her dark eyes met his, and a luminous smile appeared on her face moments before her feet began to move.
Nathanial had no choice but to follow.
And it did feel every bit as wonderful as it had looked.
Chapter Twelve
Between Strangers
Nathanial’s skin felt warm against her own as Charlaine held his hands and her feet began to move. His blue eyes remained on hers, and she could see the corners of his mouth fight to rise into a smile. It was obviously quite unfamiliar to him. No doubt, it felt foreign, and yet, she could see that a part of him longed for the ease and warmth and kindness of a simple smile.
A true smile.
A smile not born out of duty.
But one created in the moment.
Faster and faster, they twirled, their eyes locked, the world whizzing past them as the soft music from inside the ballroom drifted to their ears. “Don’t let go!” she called to him, and his hands tightened on hers instantly, a reassurance that he would keep her safe.
Nathanial Caswell was that kind of man, was he not? Someone who looked out for those he cared for. Someone who put their well-being above his own. Someone who was honest and true and kind.
Someone who had been hurt because of it.
Someone who now feared it would happen again.
When Charlaine had glimpsed him from across the room as he had approached the lady in blue, she had felt her heart crumble at the forlorn look upon his face. He had seemed so lost. He still did, but at least now he was smiling.
“Aren’t you afraid we’ll fall?” Nathanial called to her as they spun in ever faster circles.
Charlaine laughed. “This joy will be worth a bruise or two.”
A chuckle rumbled in his throat. “What will people think if they see us?” He glanced at the French doors…and his footing shifted, throwing her balance off as well.
Charlaine felt her left hand slip from his as her feet tried to even out the sudden shift in position. Nathanial’s eyes widened and, instantly, snapped back to her. His other hand gripped hers more tightly, and she could feel his arm flex as he tugged her toward him. Their feet slowed as they swayed across the terrace, and then Charlaine all but fell against him. His arm came around her, holding her to him, keeping her from falling as he braced himself on the balustrade with the other.
Looking up, Charlaine stared into his eyes. They were both breathing fast, the pulse in his neck hammering at the same speed as her own. Still, he quickly matched her smile, something irresistibly tempting lingering in his blue gaze. “You must be mad,” he whispered then, but it sounded for all intents and purposes like a compliment. “Utterly and truly mad.”
“You’re smiling,” Charlaine observed with a smirk.
Nathanial laughed. “I suppose I am.” Still staring at her, he shook his head. “I came here tonight to…” His mouth opened and closed, a loss for words only too visible in his eyes. “I never thought I could…”
“You felt something,” Charlaine whispered, all too aware that he was still holding her in his arms. But was he?
Nathanial nodded. “Yes, I felt something. Perhaps that was why I came, to feel something different, to be someone different…if only for one night.”
“A reprieve?”
“A reprieve,” he echoed, and the pressure of his arm around her lessened. His hand slid to her back, but did not fall away.
“Who would you want to be?” Charlaine dared him, noting the way he tried his best to suppress his American accent. Every once in a while, it slipped in, but with the music echoing around them, even out here on the terrace, it was barely noticeable. Her own English accent was almost perfect as it should be for Peter had taught her ever since she had been a little girl. She knew how to speak like the ton, but she preferred not to.
Tonight, however, was different.
“If you could be anyone,” Charlaine asked, tipping up her chin, “who would you want to be?”
Nathanial laughed. “I don’t know. Perhaps someone who doesn’t feel the constant need to think things through. Someone who acts on impulse alone. Someone who,” he drew in a slow breath, “seizes the moment.”
His gaze lingered on hers, and Charlaine could not help but notice the way he was looking at her. She felt his hand lying on her back, warm and restrained. Still, there was something…something that whispered of a longing he no doubt had not felt in a long while.
To connect with another.
To give something of himself and receive something in return.
To leave behind the bitterness that clung to every word.
Charlaine knew those feelings. She had left her home and come to England for those very reasons. To focus on the good instead of the bad. To acknowledge the tears, but strive for smiles above all else. To live again and be happy once more. “And will you?” she asked, still standing in his embrace as though she belonged there. “Seize the moment?”
Nathanial exhaled a slow breath as temptation and restraint warred within his gaze. “The truth is that we cannot escape who we are. No amount of wishful thinking can—”
Never one to think things through too thoroughly, Charlaine pulled him down into a kiss before he could convince himself that the risk was too great. Ever since he had caught her in his arms after their stumble had she wondered what his kiss would feel like.
Now, she knew.
And she had been right to seize the moment.
For although Nathanial did tense in surprise at the feel of her lips against his own, the longing she had seen in his eyes soon pushed all restraint away. His hands tightened on her, pulling her closer, as he returned her kiss in a heartbreakingly gentle way. There was something utterly sweet in the way he held her, the way his knuckles brushed over her cheek before his hand slipped into her hair.