I trail off, not really knowing what I’m trying to say. The first time I broke things off, just weeks ago, it was because I thought I was doing the right thing. I didn’t feel like getting into it, describing all the reasons why I was afraid to love him. But now, it seems I have to.
“When you came to my house on the day of the anniversary, I was emotional, yes. But it doesn’t make my feelings and rationale any less valid. I’ve worked my entire life to get to this place, and the fact that I got here on some technicality and through the strife I did only makes it seem more fragile. I love you. It scares me to death how much, but I won’t be one of those women who gives up all she’s worked for just for a man or a relationship. This is my legacy, one I intend to work on every day. My job, this team, it makes me happy. It’s an intricate part of me, woven into my soul. But you are, too. I love you, Hayes, you’ve become one of the most important people in my life. Watching Shane and Hannah, I know how rare what we have is. I don’t want to let that go. I also don’t want to become my father. I’m still so scared, so unsure. And I also don’t want you to go down with my sinking ship. That first day, in the corridor, you said you wanted nothing to do with the Callahans—”
Hayes presses a gentle finger to my lips, halting my speech. I can feel the tears threatening to come, and I’m getting myself just as upset and confused as the day I broke up with him.
He looks me in the eyes, searching for something, and then takes a deep breath.
“I told you a while ago that I decided to not just be a baseball player. I decided to use this career to see the country, to experience things a lot of other players overlook due to the beast of the game. What kind of man would I be if I went back on my word? Because you are included in that. I don’t want to just travel along this journey solo any longer. I don’t want the lonely nights and endless hours of practice, all the post-game recovery and speculation about my personal life in the media. I want you. I want to really do this, the right way, out in the open. I want to be partners, to support you in being successful as the powerhouse that you are, while you support me as I play toward the end of my career. I’ve always viewed love and family as a far-off stage of life, something I’d focus on when the physical ability to play good seasons left my body. And then I met you, Colleen, and knew that I couldn’t wait. That I didn’t want it to. If it means juggling a whole lot of complications, of nights apart, of an endless media circus while also trying to win games then I’ll do it. I have to, because it means I get you. I get us.”
Well, he’s finally broken me as tears stream down my face. If there was the exact right thing to say in this moment, Hayes just nailed it. I’m a blubbering mess, kissing him with wet lips and sniffling like a total crybaby.
Hayes rolls over, bending at the waist to retrieve our phones from the floor. He hands me mine and takes his in one hand.
With his other, he reaches out, lacing our fingers. “Together, then?”
I know what he’s asking. The minute we unlock these and start to sift through the messages, we’re going to walk into the fire hand in hand.
I nod, because there is absolutely no one I’d rather go down swinging with. But hopefully, we can emerge on the other side, stronger than ever.
38
Hayes
To say that we’re in a shit storm would be an understatement.
Colleen and mine’s ethics, careers, and mental states have been called into question. Some people are calling for her job, while others think I should be traded immediately.
Of course, this is all happening in the midst of the playoffs, and the pictures of us kissing leaked while we were two games away from clinching the league and moving onto the World Series. I was asked, and complied, with sitting out the last two games, though I knew it might do damage to the team. Luckily, they won, and we are going to get a shot at the championship.
She and I have been in talks and meetings with the executives of the ball club for a week now. After deciding that we could no longer hide it, Colleen and I signed official paperwork declaring our relationship. The media got ahold of it, and the team was forced to make an official statement that we were involved and seeing each other.
At least now, we don’t have to hide. Sure, I’m hounded all over town and there are reporters sitting outside both of our houses, but we get to spend the nights together. I don’t have to drop her hand when we walk into a public space, though enduring the scathing looks in the locker room hasn’t been ideal. I know Colleen is getting way more flack, though. She came home crying the other day for what one of the executive assistants said about her when she thought she wasn’t listening.
And her uncle Daniel is being a real piece of shit. He’s all but pressing down on her windpipe, pressuring her to resign over this. Colleen is a nervous wreck most days, and sometimes I want to spare her that pain and end it, just like she did with me. I now understand her fear weeks back, because this kind of turmoil and nastiness should be thrust upon no one.
Interestingly enough, a lot of the news outlets aren’t comparing her to her father, which I know was a big hang-up of hers.
The more I think about it, the more I know I’m the one who has to make the statement here. I’m the one who has to step up to the plate, but I’m still debating how. We’re given a bit of a reprieve, with this week’s break before the World Series starts, to sort some of this shit out and let it die down. As it is, the coaches still haven’t given me the go ahead to remain a starter going into game one.
I’ll have to make my move soon, so that everything else can fall into place.
The only thing juicier than our kissing pictures leaking to every website imaginable is the fact that Shane Giraldi was booked on domestic abuse and battery charges and now awaits a trial. With Colleen’s help, Hannah was able to secure temporary housing, somewhere Shane couldn’t find her since he’d made bail within a couple of hours on the night he smashed her face into the side of their SUV.
It hasn’t been easy, but Colleen has been holding her hand every step of the way as she pressed charges. Shane was Hannah’s source of income, she’d given up her entire life to be a wife and a mother. He was pulling money and shelter away from his children to punish his wife, the one he’d beat up for years, apparently which absolutely killed me when it was finally reported by media who got a hold of the documents Hannah filed.
She and those little girls have a long road ahead of them, but they have a good support system behind them. I just hope Hannah can weather the storm long enough to put that bastard behind bars and stand on her own two feet. I’ve seen how hard it has been for others.
A couple days after the confirmation, in a statement given by the Pistons official PR, Walker and Clark show up to my house.
“Figure you could use two or three glasses of this.” Clark holds up an aged bottle of Macallan.
“Come on in.” I wave them inside with a sigh.
Walker and I haven’t been the same since he discovered Colleen and me originally, and I’m kind of surprised he’s here.
“How are you holding up?” Clark asks as I take three highball glasses down from my cabinet and hand them over to him.